Returning from maternity leave after 6 weeks

[TartanPJs]

I’d like to know how feasible people who’ve already had a baby think my plan is. I’m not in the UK, so rules around maternity leave etc work differently here. Any feedback/advice would be much appreciated!

I’m finally pregnant with my first after a long period of infertility including a miscarriage, failed rounds of IVF etc . I’m obviously thrilled but I’m freelance, and I’m worried about the fact that I really feel that I can’t take all my maternity leave in one go (I have a lot of flexibility about how and when I can take it). I’d risk losing clients and the baby is due about 6 weeks before one of the most crucial times of year in my industry. So my plan is to go back initially after 6 weeks, either full or nearly full time (depending on various factors) and leave the baby with DH who will still be on paternity leave.

Full-time for me isn’t as much as full time for most people. I can get away with probably 1-2 hours a day WFH (totally flexible, can be done whenever) and then 4-5 hours a day out of the house doing client-facing work (will be less some days). My business premises are a ten minute walk or five minute drive from home, so barely a commute. DH can bring the baby in to see me while I’m there and I might even be able to fit in a little feed, depending on what’s going on. I will be able to schedule in time to pump, and am planning to get a mini fridge for work to store breastmilk. I was going to start pumping and giving the baby expressed milk in a bottle at 4 weeks, so he will be used to it when I go back, assuming he’ll take the bottle.

After a couple of months, I’ll hit what is always a quiet time of year, at which point I can either take the rest of my mat leave full time, or continue working but very part time (10 hours a week max, spread across the week).

I know the general consensus on Mumsnet is that going back before 6 months is basically impossible, but in the country where I live it’s common, and I have friends in countries where going back much sooner is the norm and they manage. I’m a little bit heartbroken that it has to be this way, but I don’t feel like I have much choice without risking my business, and we need my income.

I am an older mum with some preexisting health conditions that mean this is a high-risk pregnancy. So far all is going well, but obviously there could be complications that mean that I will have to revise this plan and take longer. But, if I do have a vaginal birth and no significant complications (which the doctors seem to think is a likely outcome at the moment) is this plan feasible? Or am I mad?

Well firstly, congratulations! What an exciting time for you!
Its hard to have to plan for a return to work, when I am sure you would rather be spending time with your baby, but needs must. But....have you heard the phrase, "no plan survives first contact..."? I think that you have a reasonable plan, but it is impossible for anyone to say whether it will work. Six weeks after birth you may still be struggling physically - whether that's anaemia, piles or any of the other joys that childbirth can bring. Leaving a newborn is tough at the best of times, but what if your baby needs extra care, or has medical needs? Best laid plans can still go awry - so try and allow for that when you are making your return to work plans.

Everyone is different, every birth is different, every baby is different. For me personally this wouldn’t have been possible, at 6 weeks I was still having daily injections and tablets as a consequence of a totally unexpected tricky birth which made me feel really run down and poorly, I was still bleeding, my baby was still feeding basically every 45 mins-1 hour so my boobs could never be far from my baby and pumping/bottles despite trying was not a huge success, the combination of cluster feeding and just generally newborn sleep meant that I was absolutely exhausted beyond belief I couldn’t have managed to work, I was really just putting one foot infront of the other and trying to get through the day as best I could.

I also think being away from my baby for 5 hours a day 6 weeks PP would have been incredibly difficult for me, she’s 5 months old now and I still would find that really difficult now.

BUT everyone is different, and it’s different if you have to do this vs just want to do this. If it’s essential to pay the bills then you can try and find a way but I don’t think anyone would recommend or advise this

My second baby was still in the hospital at 6 weeks old and I was needed there all day. My first was cluster feeding all day long constantly. I wouldn't have been able to work with either at 6 weeks so I'd suggest a back up plan.

I went back to full time work when both of my babies were 12weeks old. It was really hard - I was still breastfeeding during the nights but we survived. They went to nursery 4 days a week and my parents had them one day.

I went back to work because MAT leave options were not as “generous” as they are today - inverted commas used to denote irony. Plus, the culture at the time was - if you wanted to be successful you had to act in the work place as if you didn’t have kids.
Over the years, I’ve worked really hard and managed to get to the top of my profession. But I also worked really hard at making sure my children felt loved.
They’re late 20’s now and we have fantastic relationships, they tell me they love me regularly and what a great mum I’ve been.

So many unknown factors OP - and I saw that as someone who went back to work pretty early.

The busy period at work… how long is it for? Is it work you could do WFH instead?

If you had a caesarean, you may not be driving at that point. Do you have an alternative for meeting clients?

I never got on very well with pumping, so I would say to have a plan B in case the pumping is not possible. Can you be apart from the baby for only 2 or 3 hours at a time? It might work better to have 2/2.5 hours morning and afternoon with an hour with the baby in between.

Honestly, at that stage I had trouble walking out to the dustbins without wincing from my stitches and haemorrhoid. First time around I had caesarian stitches and couldn't drive. I wouldn't have had the physical or mental capacity to go back to work and function.
Prepare a back-up plan. Your body needs to heal.

I think you're just going to have to see how things go. By all means have a plan - it sounds like if everything works out it would work ok. But understand that babies and childbirth are completely unpredictable, and you or baby might still be under hospital care at six weeks, might only just be back on your feet after surgery, might be cluster-feeding all day, not be getting any sleep at night, I mean there are a myriad of things that make having a newborn one of the most stressful things anyone goes through. Just getting breastfeeding established often takes a good six weeks or more (if you choose to... pumping is bloody hard).

Could you work at home? You're likely to find that much easier, although distracting. I work with people in the US who sometimes come back very early, and they have a nanny at home who pops in and out of their office with baby as needed. Company culture is very flexible around parenting, so we're used to seeing kids on Teams calls etc. If you're only doing it for a few weeks and DH does night-time feeds and basically acts as mum, it should be do-able.

For my first bbay, what you have suggested would have worked fine for me :). Like previous posters have said, it will depend entirely on how your labour goes and also the temperament of your baby.

I'd strongly recommend giving one bottle a day from the get go (of expressed milk if you so wish) because it you leave it too long they may refuse to take a bottle at all.

Best of luck OP

I've went back about 4 weeks after cesearean with my first. It's fine though tough and tiring. Physically I was absolutely fine, just found the tiredness and expressing difficult. After the first few weeks of trying to work at home, breastfeed and have my mum look after the baby, I had a nanny start and just went out for the day with enough sterilsied pumping stuff, coolbag etc. Made sure I expressed at least every 3 hours throughout the day. I found this much easier than trying to mix up work, childcare, breastfeeding and expressing. With my second I took 4 months off and I actually think being home with a colicky 3 month old is harder than a day at my desk.

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies. I know circumstances could easily arise where this will not be feasible. I suppose what I was wondering was whether this will work if the birth and recovery is relatively uncomplicated. Dads go back to work earlier than this all the time, so as long as I'm relatively physically OK I feel like it should be doable with DH at home full time and us hopefully able to sleep in shifts overnight etc.

@MidnightPatrol the busy period will be for about two months, then I'll either take more full-time mat leave or radically scale back my hours. Some, but not all of my work can be done from home.

@MabelMaybe I don't actually drive. As work is very close to my house I can either walk if I feel up to it, get a lift from DH who will be on full-time paternity leave, or if it's not a good time for him to put the baby in the car, call a taxi. I live in a small town and as I don't drive have very good relationships with all the local cabbies!

At six weeks I was barely sleeping completely sleep deprived nearly had a breakdown baby was a nightmare wouldn't sleep . Wouldn't of even been a slight chance of me being able to work could barley function

I also work for myself and I have a four month old. I scaled RIGHT back on my work and had about two weeks off fully, and have been doing a few hours a week (1 or 2 a day, most days) so not much. But it is hard. I thought newborns just slept all the time (ha!) and she just doesn’t. She also doesn’t like to be put down. I don’t have any care for her so I think it would be easier if DH could look after her, I’m just trying to fit it in around her.

but all babies are so different and you might find it okay! There’s no way to know until baby is here. How far in advance do you work ? Can you be flexible to take more time off if you need to?

Congratulations though! We had some struggles getting baby here too And as tricky as it has been with work, I’ve never been happier. I love being a Mum.

Working a desk job is 100% easier than dealing with a baby. When I was on mat leave I used to crave the peace and quiet of my job!

In the U.K. maternity leave has historically been a minimum of six weeks because that's the time it was considered it took women to physically recover.

Even if you have an uncomplicated vaginal birth - so no baby in special care, no c section etc - childbirth is rough on the body.

It's a good idea to let your body recover physically.

If you HAVE to work then you have to work. But the combination of a newborn and you working hard is likely to mean that you recover slower. It's worth considering how much money you will make from this period and compare it with, for example, the cost of surgery to fix a prolapse or other issues that might be there.

Walking long distances to meet clients might also by physically very difficult for you if you tear or have a cut.

Congratulations!

Yes you can do it (fingers crossed no complications). As you know, women in other countries don’t benefit from long maternity leaves, so yes it can be done. It would be very difficult, though. Perhaps in ways that you don’t yet appreciate given your comment about how men do it.

Your body will be depleted, your emotions will likely not have returned to normal. And you don’t know the strength of feeling you will have for the baby (might be nothing extraordinary, might be unfashionable to you right now).

In practical terms your plan sounds feasible.

But the bottom line is that you have no choice. You have to do it. So, like women around the world, you’ll just have to knuckle down and do it. It will likely mean some difficult days and nights, but your approach, plus your DH’s support and how the baby copes, will dictate how successful this will be.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. Good luck!! What a special time :)

I know you say dads go back to work earlier, but that's because they're dads. They haven't been through childbirth or surgery. They're not managing engorged breasts, painful nipples, mastitis, leaking boobs. They're not bleeding. Their stomach muscles haven't been spread far apart or cut. It's utterly and completely different. They might be stressed because having a tiny baby is hard, and a bit tired if they share the night-feeds. That's it.

I'm not saying it's not possible - your plan sounds great if all goes well. But don't minimise how hard having a baby is on the mother's body, and don't feel like you've failed if it doesn't work out how you planned.

Totally agree with this and especially if breastfeeding. My husband was amazing with our daughter as a newborn and I really cannot fault him at all but because I was breastfeeding every single feed had to be me, that on it’s own meant that I was exhausted, sore, leaking, my back was breaking from hours of trying to keep positioning just right for a good latch and feed only to repeat again an hour later. On top of which I was recovering physically, mentally & hormonally from birth and settling into motherhood. A dad’s job, especially in those early weeks, is infinitely easier than yours as a mum.

I wonder if you've considered formula feeding from the start, as it removes a whole set of complications that it sounds like you could do without. No need to schedule expressing, no demand on you to express at night to keep supply up, and after the initial engorgement dies down due to not feeding, then no risk of mastitis, leaking and so on.

Would you need to drive as you may still be recovering especially if you have a csection. Disturbed nights will affect productivity so would not plan for ft initially,

Could I have done it: absolutely.
Would I have wanted to do it: no way!

Physically I recovered from my sections very quickly, and with my first we formula fed and shared the feeds so I wasn't tired. I was more rested in the newborn period than most of my working life before. It was the easiest bit of child rearing I've done so far.

But, it's also a really special time and going back so early full time is a bit sad tbh. It's like taking work on your honeymoon, or doing your taxes on your wedding day.

Also don't discount how difficult it might be to motivate yourself. I was able to work, but I didn't care about work. Being apart from your baby can feel like you're missing a limb. It's also totally impractical if breastfeeding, and not all babies are happy to do mix feeding or take a bottle of expressed.

As it happens I did return to work at about a month with my second, but literally for a day a week, spread over the week, and at home. Just not to let clients down totally. Baby wouldn't take a bottle, so I'd be waiting in the car working whilst my husband took baby in to massage, swimming etc. It was fine, but a bit sad.

I've also done the working whilst looking after baby! Ok as a newborn, tough by 9m, impossible by a year. It turns out I can type and make sense whilst simultaneously bouncing on a yoga ball and breastfeeding in a sling, but it's not exactly a client facing option 😂

So my advice would be to do it if you NEED to, but try not to. It's a special time you'll never get back.

The OP doesn't drive, but must people are fine to drive after a few weeks with a c section anyway. It's just a myth that says they should wait for 6w

Re the broken nights, if parents are going to stay off work until their children are sleeping through the night, then maternity leave needs to be a lot longer. Most will be waking still when mum goes back, often for years. And yes, many wake more as toddlers than they did as newborns, and it sucks, but we just get on with it.

Maybe feasible, dad's role is crucial as he'll be their primary carer when you're at work. Just forget about pumping.

I think it's feasible. You already know it's going to be hard work.
Even after a section you might be fine, I was driving again before 6 weeks pp.
If your DH can bring the baby to you to feed that would probably work better than pumping and bottles - 4 weeks is pretty early to get baby used to both ways of feeding and you might still be getting the hang of bf by then.
Having more time off when they're a few months old would be great.