Has anyone just walked away?

[toxicworkenvironment]

My workplace is incredibly and increasingly toxic, I'm in a senior role, sole earner, £85k a year. Five year tenure in post but a negative culture shift about three years ago post takeover by an overseas firm with different values.

I raised a serious greivance about a senior's behaviour this year (have put up with it since takeover) and went off sick for a month with stress while it was dealt with, my immediate superior was really supportive of this at the time. Never had any time off sick in five years so it was a really big thing for me to do. Grievance dismissed without right to appeal, which is the norm.

Since I've been back at work I have been frequently undermined and I am just finding it thoroughly toxic and untenable.

I just want to walk away, have a decent skillset and am well qualified but the job market is tough atm (have applied for a number of jobs). I've got a second interview for something in October.

I've thought about it a lot, if you asked me if I was weak and sensitive, I would say no, I am strong and capable, but I feel quite sick with a tight chest feeling and absolutely dread going into work.

I am desperate to resign/walk away for my own sanity/health but am not sure whether that is a really stupid thing to do given my circumstances. I could offer consultancy work, there's a shortage of people with experience in my particular niche, but obviously there are no guarantees.

I've got enough cash to cover a year's costs without altering anything lifestyle wise.

Has anyone else just walked away?

Quiet quitting would be really tricky to achieve, I’m leading the development of something with really measurable outputs required under SLAs, my team are not experienced enough to do my work and the software we use would light up like a Christmas tree if my work area showed a significantly reduced output.

That’s one of the questions I have for the lawyer, Is the right to appeal enshrined in law? I found the ACAS code of practice and reference to applying it on the www.gov website but I decided to switch off, pay an expert and spend my downtime with my kids rather than get stressed thinking about this even more a home.

The feeling of freedom people have mentioned is something to look forward to. That’s another positive I’ve listed about consulting, my family live abroad, I could work from anywhere, spending much more of the school/uni hols with my siblings and extended family.

It’s not sensible to put work over health

you have a year to sort out the consultancy

do it and have faith in yourself

One of them I didn't even give notice. After one shitty meeting too many I spent the rest of the morning quietly clearing my desk of anything that hadn't been there when I started, then went to a temping agency at lunchtime and never had any contact with my ex employers again. So I say go for it, life's too short.

Feeling sick with a tight chest feeling every day at work will have a long term impact on your health. By staying you risk long term health issues and your ability to work elsewhere. Don't let it get to this point.

To give a bit more detail, I went off sick for a few weeks used the time to speak to an employment lawyer and paid a fair bit to get his view on whether I had a case. He thought I did in terms of both bullying and discrimination and advised on strategy.
I eventually submitted a proposal for a settlement, with a very long grievance attached, on a without prejudice basis. So essentially if they didn't settle they needed to investigate the grievance and also potential for a tribunal.
Some back and forth later we agreed a settlement. Plus most of the legal fees. Employer is a household name and v reputation conscious.
Advantage of settlement is not just money but mutual news and they can't say anything bad about you and vice versa. I wanted to be as sure as possible that they couldn't badmouth me and they wanted the same.

Hope this helps. It's not worth your health.

Thank you @Oceangreyscale . I think I am on the same path.

I'm so sorry that you are going through something like this. It must really undermine your confidence.

I went through a similar situation and was in a similar position to you 6 years ago. Like Oceangreyscale, I raised a formal grievance with HR. I ended up agreeing a settlement with an NDA, which was great as it allowed me to leave but have several months of pay in lieu. I had an employment lawyer to help me navigate this. It was a stressful time for me back then.

However, afterwards, I ended up working for myself after leaving getting my first contract 3 months late, feeling a lot better about myself and my skills, earning so much more and I am never without work. It ended up being the best decision I made. I really hope you have a similar outcome.

I understand that crushing feeling. For a long time I knew I had to leave but the toxic workplace contributed to my poor mental health and total loss of confidence so I stayed, I didn't even apply for other jobs, I didn't think I was good enough. When I went out sick I still felt terribly anxious for the whole of the first week off. I started to apply for other jobs in a lower position, got knocked back and offered an equal position. I've been there for 2 months now and the change to my life and mental health is indescribable.

Argh sorry 'mutual news' should of course be mutual NDA!

I hope my story ends up as well as Dirtydripspout's

I went through a similar situation and was in a similar position to you 6 years ago. Like Oceangreyscale, I raised a formal grievance with HR. I ended up agreeing a settlement with an NDA, which was great as it allowed me to leave but have several months of pay in lieu. I had an employment lawyer to help me navigate this. It was a stressful time for me back then.

You need to do this - most settlements include covering lawyer fees as well

I walked after starting a new job, was there about a month. The person I’d replaced had got another job in the same organisation but said they weren’t nice when she’d had to be off sick.

Then the person training me was awful, she wasn’t a good trainer. Also turned out my trainer worked with other staff in same department as me but got a colleague removed who she didn’t like on her team and put on my team. This woman had broken her desk and threw things in the office whilst I was there.

I just walked and got other work.

The thing to realise here is that you are in a position of power. They are bullies and operating outside the law. Why should they be allowed to get away with it?

You can walk away at any time. At the moment they need you more than you need them.

I would gather your evidence and go to them and say that they have demonstrated that they haven’t followed process, have a culture of bullying and ineffective leadership, and that they are effectively leading you to constructive dismissal which you could take them to tribunal for.

As that’s something by neither of you would really want, instead you would consider discussing a settlement agreement.

That way you can both draw a line under it and you can leave with your head held high and with some money to set yourself up for the next phase.

If that doesn’t work then you can still leave, under your own terms.

I'm not sure that they are operating outside the law, unethically yes, unlawfully - I am not sure. Obviously there is a burden of proof required.

The nature of the organisation means that they won't (ever) enter into a negotiated settlement, it doesn't happen in the area the organisation operates in. This is why so many people simply walk away.

If you have enough cash to last a year, and its causing you to feel like this, then yes, i’d really consider walking

Hi @toxicworkenvironment , I was / am in a similar position to you and feel v sorry that you are in the same spot. I'm hoping it gets better for you.

My workplace also turned toxic after a change in senior personnel and reductions in headcount and increased workload. Also a very finger pointy culture. I had similar symptoms to you and went to the doctor who signed me off for a period with work stress, went back when I felt ready, but it was no different. No phased return etc and the reason I was off wasn't taken in to consideration and more work piled on and more pressure. The result, I ended up being off again and feel worse than I did the first time I went off.

Do look after yourself, do take time away and use that to figure out what you want to do, if it's continuing where you are, or looking for something else while utilising your sick leave.
I haven't figured out what I'm doing, if it's going back eventually (only when the Dr says so this time, rather than me or anyone else), leaving and finding a new job, or a grievance approach.

If you ever need to talk direct do send me a DM as it sounds like we are in similar positions.

Thank you @Peasoupfrenchbread that’s very kind. Sending you my best wishes.

I heard from someone else in this position today, I don’t think it’s uncommon.