Asking colleagues not to contact me on AL

[Sooverwork]

I’ve name changed for this post. I’m a manager in which I am almost on call 24/7 with no compensation . After 4.5 years I’m exhausted as have no respite. I am going on annual leave for less than 2 weeks . I do all the usual things - delegate work to the alleged 2 “ second in charge “, have an out of office reply on etc . However even with a “ Do Not Disturb” on my phone I still have the second in charge (s) texting me . This happens all the time even if I have a scheduled day off for doctors / elderly parent appt. I can’t go on like this anymore . How do I inform them NOT to contact me on my leave and not sound like a bitch . Please note that I never do this to either of them or any other member of my staff . With these two it’s a bit of a combination of laziness , not wanting to be responsible but for reasons I don’t want to go into I can’t sack or denote either of them . I just need to make it clear that I do not want to be contacted . Sorry for rant !

I've left a 'intermittent internet access ' message on my ooo.

If they message I'd reply.

This is an automated message. Which part of do not contact me whilst I'm on annual leave, did you struggle to understand. I look forward to dealing with your request when I return on X date.

I presume they have your personal number.

They shouldn't.

Put an out of office voicemail on your work phone and turn it off. Leave it at home.

Sort out why your 2i/c cannot do their job.

sorry to hear about your father, OP, i hope you get the peaceful leave you deserve.

I was surprised about your comment about some of the replies, but seeing how you thought the original "death or fire" reply was rude, i think you also need to consider how you view language in terms of how you set boundaries.

For now, since you are planning to leave anyway, i think you'd be better off if you just tell your own manager that they are your deputy, and leave it to them to sort out any messes.

Before you go I would say ‘this is your last chance to ask any questions about anything that you think you might need info on before I go away. I will be on leave and this time I want to leave work behind so when I step out of the office I will be blocking you until I am back in the office on …’.

And then do it.

And take your e mail off your phone while you are away.

You've got a you-problem, OP. You've obviously got into the habit of answering the phone while you're on AL and so they think it's okay to call you even when you've asked them not to because you answer and deal with the problem. You've trained them to behave badly, don't blame them.

Send an 'I won't be answering calls until my return on the 30th' message and then refuse to answer any calls.

Just say you are going abroad or going away to stay with a friend other wise o would be pestered to go in. Another one I used was I couldn't come in to operate machinery as I was still drunk from the night before so was over the limit .

"Right I'm off on A/L tomorrow. Just a reminder that I will only be responding to calls/messages/emails from family and/or friends during that time so please do not try to contact me as I will not reply and it would just be a waste of your time. If there are any issues whilst I'm away that you don't feel you can deal with then you will need to contact (whoever), and ask them for advice/help. See you when I get back."

You need to not reply if they do contact you.

Use the excuse of being over the limit if your job involves driving or commuting to work in a car , There is no argument or room for negotiation.

Tell them you are leaving your phone at home and going to an off-grid retreat so no messages will be seen until your return and they are on their own.

If there's anything they really can't cope with they should contact your boss, but be prepared to explain on their return why they really couldn't be expected to cope with it.

You're being way too soft.

As long as you reply, they will text or call. Stop.

You really should do this OP. They're being needy even when you're not there and for some reason you're afraid of upsetting them. Be their manager not their helper.

Your second in command isn't showing themselves to be competent if they're meant to deputise for you but can't. If you have appraisals you should make it clear that they need to be independent when you're away.

If your phone is a work one, switch it off when you're not there. And don't check work emails. If you don't play their game they'll have to do their job properly.

I suggest that before you go on leave, you send an email to each, reiterating that you do not wish to be contacted whilst on leave unless the very fabric of the universe is unraveling, as per conversation on X date.

When they inevitably do call you, confirm that they knew you were on leave, had read the email above and ask them to clarify their reason for calling by email.

Forward copies of the email chain to HR and all management above you.

So they have form for this, they do it to others, and you have reprimanded them before. So why have you not now started the process of taking disciplinary action against the pair of them? I presume your "reprimands" were recorded in their personal files as they should have been? Failing to follow reasonable management instructions and insubordination are both completely valid reasons to discipline someone.

With respect, you're a manager. Manage. You're being a complete wet wipe and have completely created this situation for yourself by failing to manage it. Stop trying to be polite, these two need the fucking riot act reading to them, not kid gloves and softly softly.

First of all, @Sooverwork , I'd like to say how sorry I am to hear about your dad. You sound so frazzled and like you really need a break. You sound so frazzled and like you really need a break and I hope you can get some headspace over this AL.

Managing people is hard. And people coming on here saying "just so this" or "just do that" aren't really helping. Over my career, I have come to realise that any request of instruction that starts with "just..." is rarely just anything. It's usually a ballache.

The other thing I have learned is that when we manage people we are not their friend. They don't have to like you, but they do have to respect you. It seems that these two chancers neither like nor respect you so in that case you have zero to lose.

I would block their numbers while you are away. And tell them (and your LM) that have done so. Set up a rule on email to send all their messages to another folder and tell them you have done that. If they WhatsApp you, archive the chat so you don't see it. And tell them you have - no need to be rude, just factual.

Have a great break OP

I'm on annual leave and will not be contactable. I'm not taking my phone as I need a break so don't even try to contact me.

'I'm on annual leave and will not be contactable until [insert date]' is sufficient. No need to say anything about not taking your phone or needing a break or not having reliable internet. None of that is any of their business. Then do not read or respond to any messages.

Put your phone on silent and only allow through calls from numbers you want/need to hear from. When my Dad was terminally ill and in the last few weeks of life, I blocked all calls apart from DH, my DC and the hospice/hospital/nursing teams. It honestly saved my sanity because I had no headspace for anything else whatsoever.

Your company should provide you with a work phone if you are on call outside work hours.

Other than that ignore ALL calls or texts when you are on leave. No exceptions.

don't do any of this. Step up and be a manager.
"I am on A/L. My stand in is X. I will be back in the office on Y date."
No apologies, no excuses, no lies about "no internet" just clear instructions about who to contact in your absence.

Change your number. They don't need your personal number and you don't need to be contactable outside work hours. If they need to contact you by phone during work hours, they need to provide a work phone.

Nope! It's none of their business.

All the suggested reasons/excuses are not needed.

Nothing needs to be said beyond 'I am on leave and I am not to be contacted'.

They don't need to know if she's at a spa, over the limit or at a swingers retreat.

I always used to feel sorry for people like @Sooverwork in a workplace.

Always available, never switching off, likes to be seen by all as indispensable and that the organisation would crumble around their ears if they won't respond immediately to all correspondence.

And now you're saying you don't want to be a bitch @Sooverwork by simply setting some very clear, very basic boundaries which you should have set from day one?

There is a great saying that 'nobody lies on their deathbed wishing they's spent more time at the office'.

You need to work smarter and not harder. If you were my direct report I'd view you as someone with no work-life balance with an inability to manage and delegate effectively.

After four long years of being a doormat (and that is what you are) time to assert yourself and set the boundaries that should have been set long ago, i.e. I AM NOT AVAILABLE UNTIL THE DAY I AM BACK IN THE OFFICE and you leave your work phone, laptop and everything else behind you. You are far more to blame for this situation than your colleagues.

Have a nice holiday!

I would tell them in an email that I am going to be uncontactable and block them for the duration of my AL.

I would also tell my own manager that I will be uncontactable and have told my line reports that they should escalate above me while I am on leave.

I would add to my OOO that I am 'without access to emails or phone' whilst on leave so that no one else tries to get in touch.

I had a similar issue, with 5 departmental heads who always had phoned the previous manager when on holiday - but he was the type who couldn't leave work at work, and he was in love with his mobile phone (this was 30 years ago).
What I did was send a note to them stating I would be away and not contactable from x time to y time, but that I had faith in their abilities to run the show in my absence, and I would be discussing to how they handled whatever cropped up while I was away as part of their annual review.
It was a total non-event, the world carried on revolving and nothing exploded, and I had no phone calls.