Should I work more or more time with my children?

[MoreSleeepPlease]

I have just gone back to work after having my 2nd child and been offered a new job that would mean working more days a week (4days rather than current 2.5) and it would have a significant impact on our monthly disposable income (double it).

I wouldn't say we are really stretched/struggling but it has been tight after just finishing my second maternity in the last few years. And it has been stressful watching each penny spent on food shop etc. I was hoping that it would start to feel easier as we got more time under or feet back on 2 incomes.

I am trying to work out if the extra ££ to have nice holidays, family days and meals out, get a cleaner etc is worth giving up time (1.5 days) with my preschool aged children. It's all fully remote so I would still be around for picking up etc.

Has anyone had to make a similar decision that could share what they decided and give insight down the line?

Everyone will have different views and you need to do what works for you.

For me, financial security meant I could truly enjoy time with dc feeling less stressed and made the time I had with them more fulfilling than it being the daily drudgery. Weekends and holidays meant more. There’s a balance and everyone will vary. My dh is very hands on with housekeeping and doesn’t leave me to be home project manager. That made the difference compared to friends who cannot understand how I work as much as I do. I’m now ft but dc are 13-16.

Thanks @TeenLifeMum I can totally see the quality increasing especially if we use some of the extra on luxuries like a cleaner, gardener etc

My husband is also super hands on and does more than his share of the household jobs so really helpful to hear your point of view! Thank you

Girl, take the job 100%

I wouldn't think twice about taking the job. My professional identity is every bit as important to me as parenthood, and I'm a far better parent when I also have a satisfying work life.

Is it a job you'll enjoy/are excited about? Then 100% do it

4 days still gives you a day a week to spend with your little one plus the weekends. Additionally you'll have the disposable income to get a cleaner etc and be able to really enjoy that day a week rather than have to catch up on bathroom cleaning etc. I would take the job.

More time with children IMO. I’ve just chosen to work more, but that’s going from zero hours (SAHM) to about 15. Kids aged 2-9. I feel bad about it but also excited for myself. I would definitely not want to work more though until the kids are older though. You cannot get their childhoods back, they will never be this young again, but you can pick work back up at any time. You really can. I’ve been a SAHM for 9 years and have just got a new job no problem (freelance creative but guaranteed minimum hours)

I am going against what others have said. I have dropped the hours to spend with my youngest and enjoy having the time with him. Once he is in school I will do more hours but it isn't for long and I feel the sacrifice is worth it. They are only little for a few years and we have years of work.

how do you feel - do you want the job?

Personally I’d prefer to stick to 2.5 days while your dc are so small. It’s so nice only working half the week!

There is no right answer - both will be good and work well as long as you’re happy with the choice.

You've still got three days a week with them, it's not like you're working full time ten hours a day! How much annual leave do you get? Do you get the opportunity to buy more annual leave? Or you could take some parental leave each year.

Also depends how close you are to struggling with money. Children don't need expensive experiences to have fun and "make memories" (bleurgh) but equally having day after day with them and the only thing you can afford to do is go to the park (again) or the local library or museum (again) and it's STILL raining for the umpteenth day in a row and you can't afford even a coffee whilst you're out is miserable.

If you can do more interesting stuff at weekends, maybe by paying for a cleaner or gardener, that gives you a lot more time with them when you can do things.

I work 4 days a week with preschool dc and I love it. Frankly, my job is a lot easier than childcare. It gives me much needed time for me. And I have 3 days a week (plus evenings and annual leave) to spend with DC, and enough money coming in to not have to constantly panic about finances.

If you want the job and feel excited about it then yes definitely take it. If not then maybe take this time and apply for better jobs in a couple of years.

Would there be scope to compress your hours into 3.5 days with the new job maybe?

The job sounds very flexible, and the kids will be in school full time in no time. Yes, I’d take it.

We have a cleaner. Neither of us want to spend weekends cleaning.

What do you enjoy doing more? Not what you think you should say, but what you actually do.

3 days with your kids and the new job 4 days, or 4.5 days with the kids and the old job 2.5 days?

And then, if it's time with your kids, is it worth less enjoyable time overall to have more/better holidays etc?

One way to try and judge this is thinking about how the whole 8 hours is. Eg the first hour with my kids is 10/10, but by the end of the day sometimes it could be about 3/10. Whereas my job might be a more steady 7/10 all day.

The highs are higher with kids, but the lows are lower.

Thank you all so much, I know it such a perosnal choice and hearing other peoples views really helps me start to clear my head and form my own <3

So I absolutely loved working until having my kids and I still do but hand on my heart spending time with them would always be my first choice. That said I would never want to work less that my current 2.5 days, it give us all a break to reset and really appreciate each other etc.

My motivation is 100% the extra money and the impact it would have on our time together as a family and less stress about finances/treating ourselves. Now just to decide how diffrent loosing the 1.5 days would feel.

So much food for thought, thanks all 🙏🏼

Could the increase in disposable income potentially fund house deposits/driving lessons for your kids? Worth thinking about as it could be life changing for them and they will soon be in school. You could the. Negotiate doing 4 days in 5 so you could do most pick ups or another pattern that suits you.

@SneakerShoulders you are so so right and these comments are unbelievably helpful.

My hubby is an absolute gem but he's very laid back and doesn't get the talking through a decision thing 🙃

Similar thoughts here. I found spending all day with a preschooler to be very, very difficult. I felt guilty about it for a long time but spending huge amounts of time with my kid when I felt lonely, bored, frustrated and exhausted didn't seem like the right choice.

Take the job.

No man in the world ever considers working 2.5 days a week to be around for the kids.

You sound like it would be pretty ideal - working from home and a hands on husband is a good scenario for doing more hours with little kids.

I've never got the Mumsnet obsession with funding driving lessons and house deposits. To me these are surely just a nice to have if you happen to earn enough to save for them. I'd never make a decision about working more/taking on a different role based on giving this stuff to my kids. It's not necessary (unless maybe you live somewhere with no public transport and nothing within walking distance).

Really? Surely everyone wants to give their kids the best start in life and there’s no denying that a house deposit is a significant helping hand. I’m happy to work my butt off to make sure my kids get the same leg up many others do, especially the way the current housing market is going.

I can’t imagine thinking “well I could work more and help my children fund a stable home in future, but that’s their problem”, it’s not necessarily the primary consideration, but I find it quite shocking that a better life for their kids wouldn’t even be a factor in some people’s decision!

My point is, that funding significant house deposits for their children is something that's completely out of the reach of the average family. It isn't something that's ever happened in my wider family.

I certainly wouldn't take on working more hours just to create a savings pot for this. And it's just your interpretation of what a better life is, many people would see spending more time with their family as providing the best start.

I've nothing against working, fwiw, am full-time at the moment, but it's not because I'm squirrelling the cash away for house deposits.

So the extra 1.5 days is working from home? So the full 4 days are wfh?

For me it would be weighing up what you would be realistically doing around the home in those 1.5 days.

If you can outsource that and then use your lunch break, tea break, loo break to stick in some washing and hang it up etc - would the actual time spent with your kids be roughly equal?

Does it also mean the nursery run is easier? Shorter? Less time sat in traffic?
You can walk nursery so that throws in some exercise time for you too?

I just think realistically half days are often nothing days anyway so think of it as working an extra day - 4 instead of 3.

Do you online shop etc? You can meal prep in mornings and have slow cooker on. Batch cook whilst you work!

But ultimately only you can decide what is worth it for you and if you think not taking this opportunity now will mean less opportunities in the future and if so - would you be happy with that?