Should I work more or more time with my children?

[MoreSleeepPlease]

I have just gone back to work after having my 2nd child and been offered a new job that would mean working more days a week (4days rather than current 2.5) and it would have a significant impact on our monthly disposable income (double it).

I wouldn't say we are really stretched/struggling but it has been tight after just finishing my second maternity in the last few years. And it has been stressful watching each penny spent on food shop etc. I was hoping that it would start to feel easier as we got more time under or feet back on 2 incomes.

I am trying to work out if the extra ££ to have nice holidays, family days and meals out, get a cleaner etc is worth giving up time (1.5 days) with my preschool aged children. It's all fully remote so I would still be around for picking up etc.

Has anyone had to make a similar decision that could share what they decided and give insight down the line?

I didn’t say “significant” house deposits and of course it’s out of the question for some people, which is why I asked the OP if it could potentially make a difference in this area.

I don’t think access to stable housing is an interpretation of a better life, it is a better life, just ask the majority of private renters! If you wouldn’t work more hours to provide your kids with that then that’s your choice, but let’s not pretend it isn’t a massive leg up if available. If you ask the average 30 year old whether they’d rather have help with a house deposit or had their mum available before and after school two more days a week I think I know what the answer would be.

Not a chance. They are only little once, brains are forming etc. the more time with mum before starting school the better imho.

Not Dad then?!

Take the job
You will be there for their childhoods every day you are not leaving them

@RidingMyBike Mothers and Fathers play different roles (according to neuroscience and developmental psychology). There is NO substitute for Mum. Not a popular opinion today, but it is what it is.

Sounds like very outdated research...

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0031938417304638

Honestly it's such a personal decision. I've given advice on these types of threads before but then regretted it as actually it's just so so individual.

I meant to add -- so go with your gut feeling.

@RidingMyBike Mother-infant bonding is more important earlier on for brain development, less so in toddlerhood and beyond.

And although I used the word 'Mum' initially (because the OP was talking about her relationship with her child). I was actually thinking of any sensitive, attuned parenting being preferable to a childcare setting.

It's working all 4 days at home. Thank you all, just hearing all the opinions is so helpful for forming clarity.

We will also explore my husband going down to 4 days a week which would mean the kids having a parent around almost the same amount as they do now but we have no idea if his company would agree to it. If he did this there wouldn't be any difference to income as his reduction would be offset by the reduction in childcare costs.

If your husband is ok and is generous and you can stay home, do. I personally enjoy both things, weirdly. I love being out and about and equally loved it when was home for many years ...but tbh am very glad went back to work because the amount am saving is good

You really can't see any issue with being economically dependent on someone with whom you're in a relationship and hoping he's 'ok' and 'generous'?