Why can't I do my bloody job 😞

[blueberrycherubandbump]

It's coming up to almost 12 months after returning to work from Maternity leave and I'm still an absolute mess, cannot seem to get on top of things.

I'm missing deadlines, making mistakes, and totally winging it most days. I can't think of a single thing I'm on top of. I have this constant brain fog, if I were to describe what it's like in my head it's like constant white noise. I can't concentrate, easily distracted and can't seem to stick to any plans I make to try and tackle the load.

My job is managing lots of different projects, each with different stakeholders, responsibilitys, timelines etc. I find it absolutely exhausting and struggle to switch between the different headspaces needed.

The thing I've also realised is that I don't think I've EVER been good at my job. But before having a kid I just put the extra hours in. I worked evenings, weekends, I've even booked AL and secretly worked as somehow people not knowing I'm working helped me focus. I do not have that time to spare now and it is very clear that I am not functioning without it.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any tips that worked for you? To help get myself back on track.

check your iron levels. my brain fog was due to low iron.

Consider a career change? It sounds miserable for you and life is too short for that.

I'd definitely consider changing roles, it sounds so stressful

Couple of thoughts…

If you constantly doubt yourself you will be constantly distracted, by exactly that. And you will convince yourself you’re rubbish - if your own internal voice came from another person imagine how that would feel/the likely effect.

Perhaps you could:

• Ask yourself how do you know that there is truth in your assessment/what is the actual evidence? Have you sought feedback from your line manager, trusted peers?
• Do you need some tools to help store relevant info to keep track, that others could also feed into (so not just reliant on your input), that could then be used to cascade/escalate when deadlines are needing to be pushed back (not all deadlines can be met after all)?
• Ask for help under the guise of - what systems/documents would work best for you line manager/other stakeholders and project owners involved, then -would they work best looking like x or y? What evidence/updates will you input so we can all draw on this resource on a weekly, monthly basis? (Helps you and makes you look great at bringing everyone together, efficiency savings etc.)
• Reframe what success looks like - improvements to process, learning, stakeholder engagement, making people aware etc. as opposed to everything completed brilliantly on time

Oh and note everything you have done (I have a v rough continually growing to do list just for me that I move into a similarly rough ‘completed’ list as and when complete), also helpful for appraisals

And block out genuinely ‘no meeting’ slots in your diary, and turn off comms, so you can concentrate without being interrupted or feeling that you are about to be.

I do have low iron! Started taking tablets last week and am feeling a minor improvement.

Agree it's worth looking for any deficiencies, B12 is another one with similar symptoms. Both types of anaemia can also affect your mood and therefore how you are assessing your performance. You won't be the only person in your office experiencing problems with focus and brain fog, so be easy on yourself.

Does your baby sleep? Mine didn't until they were 2.5 years. The difference after they finally started sleeping was extraordinary

Are you self medicating with mum wine at the weekend? It's a good time to give that up. And prioritise you time. Is she helping? You feel like this cause you're overwhelmed which is not surprising in your position so be kind to yourself and make little changes in life that will make your life easier. You have a whole other human to look after you can't fuctikn like before. Normal!

I’ve had to do myself a timetable like a revision timetable. I can’t keep track of the multiple projects otherwise.

Make sure you aren’t missing any tools that would help- check what colleagues are using to track tasks, emails etc.

Is there a quiet time ever? We’re just at the end of a horrendous 4 months where I’ve not felt on top of things at all. August and December are quiet for me.
This is the summer I’m going to get a grip!

Dh not she

This was me at 39. Got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD.

Started eating higher protein diet at least 20mg per meal. 600 cals at breakfast (oats with protein powder and eggs). Never miss lunch, balanced dinner. Quit caffeine.

Got a system for organising my work (I use a filofax with movable pages and customised tabs, monthly, weekly, daily to do list). Every single thing is written down. Chunk my week as to when I do things. I use Focus Mate website. Short focus sessions or longer depending on mood. I take B6, vitamin D, magnesium and occasional zinc for focus. Zinc is really good when stressed. Vary tasks. Break down projects backwards from completion date.

Use a visual calendar as PP said like a revision calender.

Working memory overload prevention and clarity are key.

Great advice above.

But also look at the source of the issue - sounds like you have always been given too much to do! Solution in the past (working all the hours God sent) is not available anymore.

I would implement the strategies discussed above for health / time management; but ultimately you need to work with your manager to reduce your workload and re-prioritise your projects.

Be honest! Explain how many hours you used to work compared that to your contracted hours and then ask them to work with you to come to a more realistic workload

Reading with interest as feeling very similar in my job but at a different life stage to you, just about to see mine off to Uni. I think mine is a combination of peri, recent neurodivergence diagnosis and not feeling like I need to hold it together anymore to support my DC as a single parent, it's the mask coming off and I'm so tired from the last 18 years.

Not your situation at all, but wanting to offer solidarity as it's really hard getting through each day.

Thank you to @Deadliftsandplanks for your post as some really useful things for me in there.

Career change is a long term goal, simply because I don't think sitting at a desk all day suits me mat leave opened my eyes a bit on that. But actually I'm in the best job I could ask for, in my industry. It's the first place that's not been toxic, everyone is lovely and the work load SHOULD be manageable. They were very considerate when I came back 4 days a week. Which is what's so frustrating.

No mum wine, I still BF and I didn't actually mention but I am pregnant again, very early but I'm feeling it much more this time. But I've been a mess regardless of that. And yes, toddler sleep is testing but slowly improving. We cosleep because I wouldn't be able to function otherwise and am looking at night weaning pretty soon.

In terms of tools, unless I have people monitoring me then I just don't keep up with them. I've got endless notebooks, spreadsheets, Trello, Miro, MSNotebook etc. They start to feel overwhelming. Pathetic I know.

@BlossomOfOrange a done list sounds useful. Do you use anything special to manage it?

This is me too. I am 5 months into my return to work after DS2 and I lack focus, am easily distracted and am really struggling to get anything done. I have started wondering if I have ADHD - or maybe I'm just overwhelmed?! I really don't know.

Also I got a standing desk and a walking treadmill for WFH. There is no way I could be sitting at a desk all day long into to my 40s. In fact it was terrible in my 30s.

It’s quite possible you’re simply over allocated and no one noticed because you were working extra hours to catch up.
Is it possible that you are not crap at your job, but that your job is crap?

Not pathetic at all OP. You need one system that you like to use. I have a regular-ish one to one with my manager which helps.

It could be really helpful to get a coach. It doesn't matter if you are diagnosed or not with neurodivergence. Genius Within has a directory on their website.

A daily review I.e. what's gone well and why is helpful. Could just be a page in the back of a notebook.

I don't think so. I'm not working all hours and never getting anything done. I'm trying my best, getting distracted, feeling overwhelmed, doom scrolling... Unintentionally avoiding projects that I fear are complex or I'm that embarrassed I'm so behind on. I am very much the problem.

And if I'm honest it extends beyond work. House is a constant tip, piles of washing, each evening is chaos trying to figure out what to feed a toddler.

Doom scrolling is a major focus killer. It's really low dopamine food. I printed off some mindfulness colouring sheets from the Internet, so will do a Focus Mate session for an hour then (sounds ridiculous I know) colour in for a minute at my desk while my brain relaxes. It's like a natural break and replenishes me. Staring out the window is also good! Anyhoo you are not alone and it can improve, rather than reach burnout which is what you want to avoid.

I have a calendar appt that I move to today’s date, when I remember, otherwise go back a couple of days and it’s there. And a v simple version of a kanban board that looks more organised that I update less frequently.

i think that the more you can make resolving this a shared task with others, the better. As you work across a range of projects this sounds, from an observer’s position, as feasible. And as someone said, you might have too much work - an employer won’t know this until you say, and ‘saying’ is better received if it comes with a start on some thoughts on the time tasks take and some opps to cut cloth already considered, ie good to not go to your lm with a blank sheet.

I'd keep on with the iron. Try Berocca energy soluble tablets - they have the B vitamins in it (there might be one with caffeine which I wouldn't recommend, but this one doesn't have caffeine) and that helps me a lot with focus.

A lot of other useful tips above including to increase protein and thus reduce reliance on the blood sugar swings from carbs. Protein really feeds the brain.

I always take 5 minutes towards the end of my day to plan the next day, so I write (I find handwriting works for me, you may prefer digital) a list of what has to be done the next day, using highlighter for urgent stuff, & what I'd like to achieve under that, then all the little tasks & bigger stuff that could be done if time but their deadlines are not approaching all that quickly, with deadline in brackets. Much of that last bit is copied from today's list - I have a page a day diary for this.
I find coming in to a 'to do list' in priority order makes me SO much better organised, and makes the start of the day so easy - look at me already killed off all the HAS TO BE DONE TODAY (a quiet day, for once) so am rewarded with a few mins on Mumsnet and a coffee and it's not yet 10am! And it only takes 5 minutes to list, as I add to my diary new stuff for tomorrow as it comes in, a lot is on today's list and gets copied over - priorities may change of course, and things I Have Done I cross out with green highlighter.

Organisation is the key IMHO.