Bullying at work

[NeedSomeAnswersPlease]

For do text, I am 25.

Joined a new company two years ago. I was assigned a "buddy" who made it clear very fast she wasn't interested in being friends/chatty. Fine by me, I don't come to work to make best friends.

I moved department after 6 months (planned) and about a year after that came back to the office I started in.

This girl is 20. She has been going around asking people what their opinion is on me and if they tell her they like me, she jumps in and says she hates me and I'm an awful person. She's been going around telling people I need to be put in my place and knocked down a peg or two. Says I'm too chatty (I never speak to her) and I don't fit the company.

I'm starting to get worried that she's going make a HR report to try and get me sacked. She really hates me despite us only working together for about 3 months 2 years ago. We're very different - she's very religious, I'm not, she dislikes a lot of my music taste and hobbies.

I don't want any trouble and don't want to make reports etc but I feel awful at work, I don't enjoy coming in anymore because I feel like I'm on edge. I'm trying to just keep my head down and keep away from her, but I don’t know what to do anymore.

Who's telling you this?

People in my team - it's a young team (I'm one of the eldest!), so gossip etc is rife. To be honest I knew she didn't like me, were totally different people and that's cool with me, but it finding out she's said this type of thing feels awful

You need to start keeping a diary of things she's said, to whom and when. If you have an employee handbook, look in there to see bullying protocol. You can phone ACAS or go to your union for advice. You can also call a meeting with your line manager to discuss.

It sounds like an awful workplace and I'd be looking for another job. But otherwise first port of call is raise this with your line manager and go from there. I would phrase it as "people are saying X is doing this" rather than "X is doing this." Never trust gossipers.

Yeah I'd definitely not stream in saying "so and so has been doing this" as there's obviously an element of Chinese whispers involved in anything like this. It's just really hurtful that it would even happen

Quick email to HR and manager:

Hi both,

I’m sorry for needing to email you in the first instance and would be happy to discuss informally.

As you are aware Sophie was my “buddy” when I first joined This Company two years ago. We didn’t have a natural connection but I believed we were on good terms professionally.

Since rejoining the department, it has come to my attention that Sophie is trying to create divisions in the team and isolate me from co-workers. This is personally hurtful and could impact on my ability to do my job if relationships become difficult.

I am almost embarrassed to write this, but I have heard she is telling people she hates me, I don’t fit it, I need to be taken down a peg and other comments in the same vein.

I would appreciate your guidance on how to navigate this situation before it escalates into something more serious such as workplace bullying.

Thank you in advance,

Need Some Answers

It all just feels so childish!! I almost don't see why I should have to complain to them because this shouldn't be happening in the first place

It shouldn’t be, but the only way you can prevent it is to do it formally. I wouldn’t even try to confront her about it yourself because if she is the kind of person you say she is then you confronting her gives her even more ammunition and she could even go to HR about that.

Rise above it, consult HR, and go from there.

Depending on how HR/management respond though honestly I’d start looking for another job, I couldn’t be arsed to work somewhere with that level of bitching & gossip, and it says a lot that none of your coworkers are shutting her down when she starts

Yeah it's absolutely not worth reacting to her face.

As much as I enjoy the rest of the culture this just isn't worth it

I would be cautious about what the other young team members are reporting to you.
Maybe they don’t want an oldie on their team and are making it up.
Be careful how you phrase things to bosses.

I'm 25, they're 22/23. I'm hardly an oldie.

So I have just sent an email around to our office re. a bake sale.

She has obviously meant to forward this on to someone being very snippy - being nasty about my looks, my ideas and my work ethic. She has accidentally hit reply all!!!!

I have had an email from my manager who has said we will discuss this tomorrow, I can't help but think this is karma in action

What did her email say?

X (her friend),

Who does she think she is? She doesn't have the right to organise this. I mean come on, maybe she should spend less time in the kitchen baking cakes and more time in the gym! If I looked like that I would! I can't imagine this will be popular as she does so little day to day!

Karma works quickly 😂😂🤣

Fuck me! Is it satisfying to know she’ll be shitting herself tonight?

@StormingNorman unironically at the gym and I'm loving it 🤣 she looked scared shitless as she walked out

she sounds nasty and unkind but I’d put money on her being jealous of you. If I was her manager I’d be giving her some relative supervision targets about building positive relationships with you/the team, apologising to you in person, enabling managers to check random emails to ensure professionalism

To be honest I'm not interested in building a relationship with her after this

Karma at its finest hour! Guess who will be taken down a peg or two now!

you have the upper hand now and with your army of hear say to add to the fire things should be sorted quickly for you.

Now make some notes of the "gossip" that's been relayed to you,
all the things she's said about you and who told you.
When the manager calls you in tomorrow tell him that this is the tip of the iceberg.
The office gossip is that she's been telling people on the team X,Y & Z.
You obviously haven't heard her say these things but your team members are repeating the things she's saying.
You haven't wanted to rock the boat by reporting this issue and had hoped it would blow over but this latest incident with the email suggests that what the team are telling you that she's saying is true.
Explain how it all started and leave nothing out.
Tell him that you feel she's making the workplace a hostile environment for you, her behavior is not bordering on bullying, it is bullying.
Let him know exactly how upsetting and isolating her behavior in the workplace is
If he comes in tomorrow and doesn't ask you for a meeting, request one, don't let him brush it under the carpet.
Don't discuss the email with anyone tomorrow, if it's mentioned just say "manager" is dealing with it, I can't talk about it.
Seriously, write it all down so you don't miss anything out.
Trust me she'll try to get to see the manager to get her (warped) side
of the story in first and blacken your name.
Good luck and update us ❤️

Thank you everyone 🤍 I'll keep you updated

Just thought I'd give an update to this - she has been moved from the office I am working in and HR will "support" me should I feel I need it

Karma comes around, love it!
Hope you are alright. Take the support if you need it.

Glad that your colleagues is the one that has been moved and not you OP - although would be worried that they are just shifting her on to spread her poison elsewhere? I hope that HR are going to deal with this incident properly.