Problems with manager

[RichTea90]

Hi, I work a remote job - and have worked for the same company for the past two years. I was assigned a new manager earlier this year. Initially, we seemed to get on fairly well, but then she began micro-managing me which I found stressful. In our meetings, she would regularly call me by the wrong name but quickly correct herself, she’s done this consistently in over 3 of our meetings I would say.
I unfortunately have had two bouts of sickness (one in May, one in June) due to two separate flus/bugs. The most recent one being particularly severe and has taken me a good 4 weeks to fully recover from. My manager suggested, in our last meeting, that it was stress related. Don’t get me wrong, I know stress doesn’t help your immune system, but I caught this bug from my partner at home as he had it first - that is unfortunate and can’t be helped. She said she would need to speak to HR as we may need a formal meeting due to it triggering my first sickness warning - fine. I can accept that, if that’s the procedure. Nothing I can do about that.
later in the meeting, she went thru my stats, incorrectly feeding them back to me, and a bit of an argument ensued, it then led to me bursting into tears. She carried on talking at me about data, but I said to her I’m in no fit state to continue this call, I’m going to leave the meeting now.

I’ve since handed in my notice - I’ve been offered a new job elsewhere. She’s been so blunt with me, and no check in to see how I’m doing following me bursting into tears.

Do you feel like she’s failing in her duty of care here? I feel it’s very subtle, subtle bullying going on but I don’t know. Due to be meeting her again today, and I feel so on edge and nervous. I feel she owes me an apology, doubtful I’ll get one.

Any advice on this situation? I considered raising a grievance but I’m leaving now so I’m not sure there’s any point… still have to work there for another 5/6 weeks though

i would say have someone with you but is this all remote?

Yes - it’s all remote… my partner overhead out last meeting and was so cross he wanted to phone my manager but I didn’t think it was appropriate.

im wondering if I can ask a colleague to join the meeting, or my clinical supervisor.

Why did you burst into tears in response to the stats? If she was wrong you say "hang on X, I'll get you the correct figures". I'd say crying suggests you are stressed but it doesn't indicate she's necessarily the cause.

I wouldn't raise a grievance on these issues alone unless you can provide more information on what she's supposed to have done.

Yeah, I’d say I am stressed. But it’s due to a combination of factors, e.g. I just moved house, I was still a little poorly from the bug, but returned to work quickly out of pressure… every single meeting I’ve had with this manager they bring up negatives.

the stats were incorrect… she said I’d only achieved 45% target on one week where I wasn’t in for 3 days due to being off sick. When I returned on the Thursday, I met my target and exceeded it the next day. So I said to her it’s not really 45% it’s more like over 100% when you factor in the days absent and she just didn’t agree with me and I said that’s not an accurate capture of my performance.

If anything her behaviour would make me feel stressed and I would likely cry . I would definitely raise a grievance .

You will have your say , stand up for yourself and may save someone else being treated like this .

In time you will recover from this and will be glad you stood up (

if you can get someone in on the call

I think a formal letter of complaint to HR about her bullying including her fictitious “stats” and your corrected ones.

Disagree, neither of you were right or wrong just arguing different ends of the same stick.

I agree she's not being supportive but it's also not her job to handhold you if she thinks (rightly or wrongly) that there's a more fundamental issue. I would chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on to your new role.

Well she is just wrong about the stats. She can't factor in non-working days.

I would suggest that you request an agenda for the meeting, ask her to provide the calculations for working out productivity/targets/whatever you call it.

Take minutes of the meeting and share with her.

If necessary after- you can send a mail follow up to the appropriate people about how the stats are worked out, how it isn't fair....

Go in empowered.

At the end of the day you are leaving anyway.

agree re handholding, though I’m not sure where you’re getting the idea that I’m being handheld from?

I agree with @Mumdiva99 this will help you with your focus and will provide you with a paper trail in case anything goes wrong. But since you've already resigned, I think I wouldn't bother anymore, unless you want to be petty and "get her"?
She's tried to show that she cares about your mental fitness, you didn't want to engage with her on that topic, then she tried to talk shop, apparently got your stats wrong, and you cried instead of discussing it and correcting her? And they you told your manager that you're to emotional to talk to her, really? Seriously, this sound like a huge headache all across and you will both be happier when you're gone. She seems a bit inexperienced and fumbling and you are overly emotional and bringing your private problems into your job. Which is incidentally often the case with fully remote workers.

You have already handed in your notice so it is likely not much will happen if you raise a grievance and it is 50/50 whether that will make you feel a bit better or add to your stress levels.

A colleague of mine in a similar situation records all meetings with her manager on her phone so she has evidence of bullying should she need it.

She's tried to show that she cares about your mental fitness, you didn't want to engage with her on that topic, then she tried to talk shop, apparently got your stats wrong, and you cried instead of discussing it and correcting her? And they you told your manager that you're to emotional to talk to her, really? Seriously, this sound like a huge headache all across and you will both be happier when you're gone. She seems a bit inexperienced and fumbling and you are overly emotional and bringing your private problems into your job. Which is incidentally often the case with fully remote workers.

This. It's her job to manage you, OP, and to be frank if I'd just taken over a department and saw you having had so much time off sick (are you saying that you took four weeks off with a bug?) and then bursting into tears and leaving a meeting then I'd be wondering wtf was going on. This is not professional behaviour. You seem to expect far higher standards from her than you do of yourself. You complain about her getting your name wrong while shrugging your shoulders about having so much time off work.

I imagine there was a sigh of relief from management when you resigned. If you want to stick one to her by lodging a grievance you can do so, but given what you've written here I imagine there will just be eye-rolling in HR.

I think she was trying to push you out, and she succeeded.

if you feel strongly enough about it, and strong enough to do it, raise it with HR.

congrats on the new job.

Just leave and never look back, I'm on your side for this one just going off what you have said

Ask for the policy about how stats are worked out so you can have a look.

no point busting a gut to reach 100% if you have days out whether sick or on leave if the days you do work only count as 20% of the working week.

you should be given all the relevant policies for absence management.

have they done your reference yet?

work out how much annual leave you have to take and book it off.

I've been on the end of micromanaging and what I felt was bullying from a new manager. I ended up with HR involved and union support but HR are worse than useless and just say 'management discretion' . It is incredibly stressful though and you have no idea how hard it is if it hasn't happened to you. I had been in my organisation nearly 20 years, had loads of great supportive bosses and things were fine. I changed roles on going part time after my son was born with disabilities and my parents needed carers. New manager didn't like part time workers and it was an incredibly stressful time for me. It just undermines you day by day and erodes your self confidence. I ended up leaving and don't regret it for a second. It was like a huge weight had been lifted. I miss my colleagues but not the management and the stress. I am so much more relaxed and not as stressed any more (well I am but that's due to the hopeless SEND system we have in this country where you have to fight for basic rights for kids). And yes I miss the money but you adjust to that. I've since heard quite a few more long serving very able staff left as after me, the manager moved on to others and did the same. It ended up being a horrible place to work in and I decided it was more important for me to be happy than miserable.

Just try and ignore it as you are moving on somewhere else - you have escaped and I'm sure you will enjoy your new job a lot more.

I would not bother raising a grievance as they are incredibly stressful processes.

I would grey rock throughout the meetings, you can't have many more to go. Smile, nod and don't volunteer anything other than answering direct questions.

How many days off have you had over the two months?

You’re already moving on, do you really need the extra stress?

I think it's reasonable to be concerned you required 4 weeks odd with an illness. You've said that you were and are stressed, and she pointed that out, which you didn't like. You have triggered a sickness warning because being off with a big for a month is very unusual and a very long time. As for the incorrect stats, you needed to say that you disagreed, and could produce the correct ones, but instead burst I to tears and terminated the call.....I don't see a grievance, but you could definitely give feedback that you don't agree with her style in the exit interview

No. That is not an accurate reflection at all.

how has she shown me that she cares about my mental health?

I stood up to her and did discuss my stats, I told her that the way she was relaying them to me was incorrect. I’ve had this every single meeting with her. I work extremely hard, and to be told every line management meeting that you’re not meeting expectations when the way they record stats is wrong WILL get to you!

p.s. I work in mental healthcare for context. I’m not an overly emotional person, but I DO need my emotions in order to do my job effectively.

I haven’t had 4 weeks off with a bug.

In May, I took a week off due to flu and in July, I took 3 days off as I lost my voice and was really unwell (I think I had COVID).

You can ask for a colleague to join via teams or request the meeting is recorded
at the very least start making a record of conversations after the fact and email to her
with a summary what was discussed
Sounds awful but focus on moving now
if you can't stand to work your notice consider taking some leave or asking if you can leave prior to it
or just avoid her as best you can

You are better off out of this organization!
Ignore the ignorance on here
you did the right thing and I'd have got upset too under similar circumstances
I think a referral for 2 absences in 2 months is a bit much if your attendance is generally ok too but can't be helped if it's a rule