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Bullied at work

47 replies

MrsBuket · 10/07/2024 21:48

For several months now I have been horribly bullied by 2 senior managers at work. The bullying is very insidious and very hard to prove unfortunately. They've put me under a huge amount of pressure, not explained things clearly, set unrealistic expectations, ignored my concerns. Made by life unbearable. They both have a dictatoral management style and lack empathy and compassion. They haven't listened to me, not shown me any support or respect. Quite the opposite. One of them totally ignores me when in the office but is extremely friendly with everyone else. When I tried to speak to one of them about it they twisted it to make me look bad and refused to accept either of them had done anything wrong. I'm now extremely depressed and lost all my confidence. I can't understand why they're doing this as I have always been very good at my job. I'm at the point where I just want to hand I'm my notice even without a job. I spoke to HR but as these are very senior managers, they naturally defended them. I feel so low and even had fleeting thoughts of suicide. I have worked so hard and don't deserve this. I was also very ill recently and is covered by the disability discrimination act but this doesn't seem to bother them. Why do managers do this to people? How do they sleep at night?

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 10/07/2024 21:53

No idea but I've had this for 18 months until recently.
Please look for another job.look after yourself.

Els1e · 10/07/2024 21:56

Ok now breathe. I’ve been in the position you’re in and eventually have had to walk away. However do it in your own time. Start looking for other roles and applying. The losers you’re working for are unlikely to change personalities. Don’t over think or try and make sense of their behaviour. You’re better than this

TheShellBeach · 10/07/2024 21:59

I've also been in your position, and the unfortunate answer for me was to resign.

My two tormentors were relentless. It made my position untenable.

Discobooloo · 10/07/2024 22:07

I have had this after over my 20 years in the same organisation. Didn't think of suicide as such, but thoughts of death and wanting to be ill.
You need to get out. Maybe get signed off, get straight and strong for your job hunt and interviews.
You will never make sense of it and you will not change them.
I finished my job recently and start a new one soon. I thought I was anxious and getting depressed but I'm not, it was situational.
I wish you luck and strength x

mamakoukla · 10/07/2024 22:09

Walk away. You need a healthier workplace and this isn’t it. It’s a hard step but an important one

Thatcat · 10/07/2024 22:11

Some managers are just toxic.

LEAVE. Your life is too short.
Just keep your head down, apply for jobs and leave.

Runnerinthenight · 10/07/2024 22:17

You need to get out of there. This situation is not going to be resolved - the senior managers will always be believed. It absolutely stinks. The only other thing you could do is to make a dignity at work complaint, and I wouldn't recommend it. It's a long and stressful process, and even if you have cast-iron evidence, the organisation will find a way to dismiss your complaint.

As a PP said, consider getting some time signed off work too, to get some headspace and focus on your job search.

I'm sorry you are in this position. I have been too, more than once.

FuckingFreezing · 10/07/2024 22:21

Please please get another job. It's just a job. Your life is more important xx ♥️

MustBeGinOclock · 10/07/2024 22:25

Aww op so sorry you are going through this, some people are vile excuses for human beings.
It's time to move on.
If I were you I'd go to my GP get signed off sick and spend the time looking for a new job.

MrsBuket · 10/07/2024 22:30

Thank you all for your kind and helpful replies. I need to give up trying to understand why they're doing it. I've never known such a toxic workplace. I need to get out.

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 10/07/2024 22:39

MrsBuket · 10/07/2024 22:30

Thank you all for your kind and helpful replies. I need to give up trying to understand why they're doing it. I've never known such a toxic workplace. I need to get out.

You will never understand. They're just vile excuses for human beings. I still work in a toxic workplace but fortunately I have a newish manager who is very good and very fair. I just avoid the team manager as much as I can, as they're a horrible individual who micro-manages.

I'm too old to get out now - so take my advice, and do it!

Fuckitydoodah · 10/07/2024 22:44

I'm sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, I doubt it'll ever improve. I think you should get signed off and use the time to look for another job. Life is too short to carry on this situation.

bonzaitree · 10/07/2024 22:45

MrsBuket · 10/07/2024 22:30

Thank you all for your kind and helpful replies. I need to give up trying to understand why they're doing it. I've never known such a toxic workplace. I need to get out.

Depends on your finances. If you have savings or your OH can cover the bills then just leave. As in just say today’s my last day here’s my laptop bye.

No job is worth feeling suicidal about. Your health is way more important!

JLT24 · 10/07/2024 22:46

Please walk away, you will not be able to change them or the toxic culture of HR believing more senior managers. If I were you if you cannot quit immediately then go off sick and look for a new job or if possible give yourself some time to recover. I have been in your position, I too was suicidal. Over 12 months on my only regret is not leaving sooner. Our health is everything. You can rebuild your confidence.

MrsBuket · 10/07/2024 22:52

These people have all this power and abuse it. They rule by fear. I've been working myself down to the ground because I've been so frightened of what would happen to me if I didn't get all the work done. In comparison i have colleagues who do fuck all and get away with it.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 10/07/2024 22:54

I've had this in the past. The only way to get over it is to move jobs. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's not you, it's them.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 10/07/2024 22:54

TheShellBeach · 10/07/2024 21:59

I've also been in your position, and the unfortunate answer for me was to resign.

My two tormentors were relentless. It made my position untenable.

This.

I was exactly the same.

Best thing I did was leave.

sweetkitty · 10/07/2024 23:08

I have just left a job which was like this and the feelings of relief are immense, I don’t think it’s fully sunk in yet that I’m never going back. Fortunately I have another job to go to but even if I hadn’t I was leaving anyway, I couldn’t go on feeling the way I was. Life is too short to feel sick every morning.

MrsBuket · 10/07/2024 23:10

@JLT24 I'm so sorry you felt suicidal too. I'm so glad you got out. I've been feeling so trapped, that there's no way out. That's down to the fear they have instilled; making me constantly afraid of getting into trouble. Dragging me over hot coals for minor things, constantly gaslighting me. There is a way out though and I'll look back on this time and wonder why on earth I didn't leave sooner..

OP posts:
Wonkywinky · 10/07/2024 23:14

You've made a massive frost step by realising you will never know why or understand why.
I was in a similar position and couldn't leave but if you can get out
If you can get sick pay get signed off and job hunt

ThePerkyDuck · 10/07/2024 23:23

@MrsBuket Agree with other posts - resign. Work takes 1/3 of one’s life. Please don’t waste it by being scared, stressed and depressed. I would suggest looking for another job. In the meantime call on sick and don’t give a s**it anymore. What can they do? Fire you?

NotMeAgain2 · 11/07/2024 00:38

I’m going through exactly the same and it’s been going on a while.

Whilst I agree with the other comments on her about leaving, there’s also a big part of me that refuses to let the bullies win xx

Runnerinthenight · 11/07/2024 01:13

NotMeAgain2 · 11/07/2024 00:38

I’m going through exactly the same and it’s been going on a while.

Whilst I agree with the other comments on her about leaving, there’s also a big part of me that refuses to let the bullies win xx

They always will win though because they have all the power. It's not fair at all but it's how it is unfortunately. Protect your own mental health and get out x

YouAndMeVsTheWorld · 11/07/2024 02:50

To echo everyone else, leave, and it’s great to recognise that you’ll never understand them.

however I did get a bit more insight through the book Toxic at Work by David Gillespie. But the main point of the book was leave and be grateful you’ll never understand them. Sooooo may not be that helpful.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 11/07/2024 06:33

NotMeAgain2 · 11/07/2024 00:38

I’m going through exactly the same and it’s been going on a while.

Whilst I agree with the other comments on her about leaving, there’s also a big part of me that refuses to let the bullies win xx

Doesnt work like that.
You will be miserable and they don't give a toss.

Find a new job and be happy.

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