Bullied at work

[MrsBuket]

For several months now I have been horribly bullied by 2 senior managers at work. The bullying is very insidious and very hard to prove unfortunately. They've put me under a huge amount of pressure, not explained things clearly, set unrealistic expectations, ignored my concerns. Made by life unbearable. They both have a dictatoral management style and lack empathy and compassion. They haven't listened to me, not shown me any support or respect. Quite the opposite. One of them totally ignores me when in the office but is extremely friendly with everyone else. When I tried to speak to one of them about it they twisted it to make me look bad and refused to accept either of them had done anything wrong. I'm now extremely depressed and lost all my confidence. I can't understand why they're doing this as I have always been very good at my job. I'm at the point where I just want to hand I'm my notice even without a job. I spoke to HR but as these are very senior managers, they naturally defended them. I feel so low and even had fleeting thoughts of suicide. I have worked so hard and don't deserve this. I was also very ill recently and is covered by the disability discrimination act but this doesn't seem to bother them. Why do managers do this to people? How do they sleep at night?

Leave op. Some places are just toxic. It will damage you if you don’t.

I know how horrible it feels and I am going through something similar.

I am being unfairly criticised, undermined and ostracised by the entire team now.

It started when I had some serious health issues (I have a long term health condition which qualifies as a disability) and was off under emergency care for a month and a half.

Line manager was very unsympathetic, unwilling to put in place reasonable adjustments when I came back and after that the 'subtle' bullying started.

I am job hunting and I am keeping notes of everything that is being said and done to me as I am planning to make a disability discrimination/bullying claim against them.

It is awful to have to deal with this type of people. There is no logic in their behaviour and they will never change though and you have to do everything you can to look after yourself.

I assume they are doing this to me to force me to quit and I will only go in my own terms...

I would focus on finding a new job. Take some time off as well (holiday or sick leave) to stabilise your mental health, no job is worth losing your health.

@Startingagainandagain I'm so sorry you're going through this. That's absolutely disgusting how they're treating you. I also have noticed other members of the team being really off with me. I think when a person is been bullied, others like to join in and feel part of the pack. It's unfathomable to me why anyone would want to bully or ostracise someone for being ill. I do hope you're successful in your claim for disability discrimination. It's so wrong that managers are allowed to get away with bullying. Unless they're part of a union or the bullying is blatant and easy to prove, other people complain of bullying by the same person etc, employees don't have a leg to stand on. HR will protect the bully, as will other managers. Meanwhile the employees mental health and possibly their entire life is left in tatters x

I have sent you a PM.

I’ve been bullied at work and you have to get out. Even fleeting thoughts of suicide are too many thoughts. What you describe is absolutely horrendous for your confidence and mental health. Focus on finding a new job and if you need it go off sick. By the time I left I was having paranoid thoughts worrying that my bully knew where I lived (she didn’t) which was an indication of how unsafe the whole thing made me feel.

I have been here before and what I did was get signed off work for two weeks, and then put every single effort into finding a new job in that time. Managed a couple of interviews during week one and a job offer in week two. Handed my notice in on return from ‘sick leave’. Being signed off just gives you that breathing space to really get into finding something else

They want you out…..

They do it because they can and they know they’ll get away with it. Bullies are well protected by senior management and HR. Best thing you can do is to leave and find another job. Put a grievance in writing before going off sick with work related stress caused by bullying. Keep copies of emails sent and received. Make sure you follow the grievance policy if you plan to make a formal complaint. No-one has the right to bully anyone and certainly not to the degree where it makes someone feel suicidal. Vile behaviour from adults who ought to know better.

Been there . Go at your own pace . Don't cover for lazy people. You have been selected to be a scapegoat. I would get out as you have been marked .

One thing I learned very quickly from a toxic workplace was that if your face fitted you were seen as a model employee even if you did fuck all . I've seen people who were very good at their jobs demonised because they were disliked and people thought they were rubbish .

I learned to keep my head down , work out who the top guns were in a workplace ( not always managers) and keep on their good side . I do my work but I don't go above and beyond. Any problems go over their heads , don't confront .

Get out because your mental health is worth so much more . Things will never change at this workplace.

And be sure of this : When you leave this toxic place a new scapegoat will be selected and the whole process will start over again . When you leave just cut off , don't stay in touch with anyone. Don't tell anybody at your new workplace you were bullied as it will signal to others you are a target . Good luck OP onwards and upwards.

Breath, know this is absolutely not you, it's them. Find another job and don't look back. But please write to the CEO when you escape and document not only what you have been through but also the HR depts lack of action

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You are at work for a large part of your day and a large part of the week so toxic behaviour will impact your health and mental well-being. And it is not unusual for other co-workers to side with bully managers as it takes courage to stand up them. To have everyone gang up on you must make you feel very alone and I can imagine that it will lose confidence in your abilities to do your job.

It is admirable of you to seek a solution at your current workplace. It sounds like you do take pride in your work and once upon a time, you probably enjoyed it there. However, now, there is no point hoping that things will change or looking for reasons why they have started bullying you. Your best bet is to get out asap and if you can, please speak to your GP and get signed off. It won't make a difference to what they think of you, or how they treat you - but at least you will be out of there.

The best thing you can do is to leave, and I promise, once you leave, you will feel as if a huge weight is lifted and things will be better.

It probably may not be your preferred option to leave, but the alternative of bringing a grievance against the managers and co-workers will be far more stressful and require legal advice.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I'm feeling very low and incredibly anxious about the future so your words and advice are really helping.

I stuck through bullying from a small group of senior managers because I was excelling in my career and had the backing for promotion from the rest of the firm, including the CEO. They still managed to make my life a misery and this was during the lockdowns. I regret sticking it out for as long as I did (several years in my case) because it took me a long time to recover. I also had suicidal thoughts.

No job is worth it OP. I thought I wouldn't find another job that paid me as much, but I did, during the pandemic, and it's a hell of a lot easier to do it now I am in a healthy environment again. Please focus your energies on finding something new. I also had counselling through the period while I was job seeking and serving notice, which helped as an outlet for the stress.

Take steps to look after yourself and know you will soon be out the other side of it. Be strong and focus on yourself and your future. Sending hugs!

Are you in a Union ?

The union are helpful on paper but not in reality IME.
You need to leave asap.
I know it’s not fair xx

I’ve been there. I’m so angry they made me feel that way. Things have improved but I’ve not forgotten and I’m biding my time to complete my qualification as the company is paying. Opportunities are limited so I expect to be here a while. I’ve found a way to get through but if things were like they were 18 months ago, I’d have quit. Sadly finances mean we need my income but that did stop me making a knee jerk decision.
Find anything else. They won’t have won, they’d have to recruit and train and make their lives harder.

Wondered how you are OP? I hope things have improved for you x

Sorry you are going through this. Just experienced this but I knew I wasn't going to 'win' and resigned - the official reason was to support my family (which was true) but the toxic behaviour of bully plus my two faced manager was the final straw. I agree with the majority - if you can resign do it to reclaim the power back in the narrative. It was so bad with me and my bully that she refused to talk to me when I returned on my holiday, but talked to everyone else, used to share food/recipes and girly talk with the women (but not me), frequently talked about wonderful my predecessor and how fabulous he was (met him, nice man- but disrespectful to me when I am sitting there). She was also jealous of a married man giving me attention (I wasn't interested like that). We were also writers, and she would constantly talk about her writing when I ran about doing most of the work on the shop floor in a job share role. If you have savings sign up for as many employment agencies as possible. Line up references (they now just need the last five years) but be careful who you confide in as you don't know who will be sharing your info over a cocktail (lots of two faced snakes out there). Best of luck.

P.S people get unfairly targeted at work because:

1. They are more popular with the clientele and higher ups and hardworking
2. They can see through fake B.S

Foreverhopeful2000
Everything you have said has happened similarly to me.its dreadful.
Some sad people around.

I have to say that bullies have crap personal lives - otherwise they wouldn't project it on others. From my experience, managers are not interested, you are a statistic and hr ('human remains') do not work for you. In a previous role at a london museum, toxic bullying culture behind close doors. Fabricated reports were typed up by the HR team about employees. I agree with the previous post that sadly they care more about whether your face fits. Woman I had a problem with did sweet FA - manager let her have extra breaks down the high street, she was given VIP party invites, and would constantly be texting in the office (if not on you tube listening to music). Also had to line manage a guy that constantly ran the place down and his colleagues, but was the boss's 'mate' - so she would never talk to him if I had issues with him. Sadly you just have to walk away to protect your peace. I feel sorry for single people literally stuck in a financial quandary due to these idiots.