Help me find a really good life coach please

[Thepeopleversuswork]

I am at a bit of a crossroads in life. In my early 50s. My job is well paid and on paper is “good” (and quite interesting) but I feel stuck in a rut. I feel alienated from the culture and values, and also feel there is “something else” for me. I don’t get time for anything else other than work and there’s loads of stuff I am missing out on.

I can’t easily reduce my income or downsize at the moment as my daughter is approaching GCSEs. But for various reasons I am finding my job soul destroying and I know I can’t do it for another ten years.

I need some good advice that goes beyond just finding a job that’s slightly better paid with more flexibility so something more radical than just careers advice. But also can’t abide woo of any kind so anything with nonsense about the soul or chakras or the like will instantly piss me off (I have had coaching like this before and it didn’t go well). It needs to be pragmatic and real.

Any suggestions for how I could break out of the rut? Any recommendations for good coaches?

Why do you need a coach? List your options, weigh them up, look for jobs, pursue something new.

You could just put all your money in a massive pile and set it on fire - would have the same end result as using a life coach!

No one knows what you want/need as well as you do. As PP said, sit down, plan it out and go from there

I'd suggest a counsellor rather than a life coach. They have accreditations you can check and will be able to help you work through your feelings and identify what it is you are really looking for.

Kris Verle. I had 5 sessions with him earlier this year and it was fantastic. No woo, no nonsense, a really deep dive into my values, priorities, strengths, and yet also very practical. I'd strongly recommend him.

@Thepeopleversuswork I’m a professional accredited leadership coach and I work with people who feel stuck and want something more/don’t know what they want.

If you would like to DM me I’d be happy to share my advice on how to select a coach that’s right for you, because they vary wildly in terms of their skills, experience, focus areas and competence. I’d also be happy to share my own website and details to see if you felt I was a good fit. My approach is based on evidence-backed methodologies including neuroscience and positive psychology.

Agree with previous posters.

Use ‘magic wand’ technique - if you could be doing anything - anything at all - right now, what would that be? What would it look like? What would you be doing?

The other thing to consider is whether, if you improved your life outside of work would that give you what you need? Sometimes it isn’t work that drags us down but the fact we don’t have goals or interests that excite us. So if you can’t change your job right now think of the things outside of work you’d like to be doing…. Taking up a hobby? Learning a new skill / sport? Going to new places? Meeting new people? Sometimes changing what you do outside of work can kickstart changes in work or at least a different mindset.

On a smaller scale, change one thing about your routine each day - might be something small - the time you get up, the way you travel to work, where you have your lunch or who you talk with…. These small things can help us imagine change and make changes. We can train our brains to think differently and doing things differently is a good way to start that process.

Definitely look for a career coach rather than a life coach and make sure they’ve got a recognized qualification.

Whilst you probably do know what you want, a coach can draw it out of you and help articulate what you do and don’t want. I’ve also found them to be a useful sounding board and someone to hold to account to take action.

Thank you all.

@ZenNudist its not as simple as you make it sound. It’s not just a case of finding a better job it’s a total lifestyle restructuring. I just feel very blocked about what I want out of life.

@JaneAustensHeroine the problem is I don’t have much time for hobbies or anything else because work eats up so much of my life.

I'm an accredited leadership coach. Feel free to message to find out more. Definitely nothing woo. Use various tools to help you work out your strengths, what you love. Yes you could do this on your own but sometimes we need someone to ask the right questions and give us some accountability. Happy to help if you'd like to chat to find out more

I hear you OP! And it sounds like that is the problem. Can you start with making a change to your working hours? Can you reduce them? Condense them? Work a different pattern?

Not really at the moment: I can’t afford to.

@Killingoffmyflowersonebyone @EducatingArti you clearly have no idea what coaching is, and yes there are coaching accreditations. Good coaching can be life changing, and it’s a completely different thing to counselling and serves a different purpose.

OP Id look for someone with ICF accreditation (PCC, ACC or MCC) there’s a lot out there though so make sure you have an initial session and have a good rapport with the coach or it won’t work.

As adults we often forget about hobbies. It’s like we lose touch with learning new skills or pursuing new interests. We tell ourselves we don’t have time - and often we are right! However, if we don’t create the time then we are on a fast track to ‘living for work’ and the associated low mood that comes with that.

Think of something new you would like to do or learn? Could be something you enjoyed as a child but didn’t continue? Maybe you enjoyed music, or singing, or dance, or amateur dramatics or sport? Think widely about the things you tell yourself “I’d love to do that if I had the time” then make the time for it. Book it in as if it is a really important work appointment you can’t miss. Treat it with the same importance as you do your job. It really is that important OP.

To change how we feel, we need to change what we DO. Even small changes can start a ball rolling. Start today. Do something you wouldn’t usually do.

@JaneAustensHeroine

I totally agree about hobbies but I am not exaggerating that I literally don’t have time. Every day I promise myself I will spend more time on stuff like this and I never have time. There are two or three things I am really interested in but I just can’t get to them.

I work on average 12 hours a day (often more more) and most weekends and it’s very hard to commit to anything because work always has to come first. I am the main breadwinner in my family and there’s no slack in the system.

This is why I need a structural overhaul. Adding more stuff to do isn’t possible and just adds to the stress.

Have a look at ICF or EMCC accredited coaches. EMCC is slightly more stringent.

Working 12 hours a day and most weekends is a ridiculous amount of time to spend on work. No wonder you are feeling like this. Is there a way you can find a new role in your field where there is a better work/life balance? I have done lots of different jobs and had a number of career changes, but have found that I am happiest when I am doing a job that is interesting, but also does not dominate my life to the extent that it feels like I have no life outside it. You might feel differently if you could find a new role with an expactation of a 37-40 hour week.

Constant 12 hour days are surely the root of the issue!

I just had a set of (pro bono) life coaching and it was pretty awkward tbh. They just ask you a load of questions to get you to think for yourself and if you’ve done any sort of career planning you’ll have already done a lot of it before. They answer everything with a question which is the point but it’s very very jarring and annoying 😆

Whenever I hear the words life coach I always think of Jeremy in Peep Show.

I don’t think a life coach is going to give you the eureka moment you’re looking for. If you have no free time what can they say other than to cut back your hours to fit in more fulfilling stuff. It’s not surprising you feel overwhelmed if you never get a break. Why the need to work every weekend too? Can you not do your job in the allocated hours, are the expectations too high? I would make finding a new job your top priority.

I can always tell when colleagues have just come back from a coaching course. Every bloody question answered with… “well what do you think…?”

@Thepeopleversuswork I've worked with someone who was more of a sounding board than cheesy coach style, I'm more than comfortable recommending her, if you want to DM me I'll send you her website

@Candleabra

Why the need to work every weekend too? Can you not do your job in the allocated hours, are the expectations too high? I would make finding a new job your top priority.

Theres too much to do and too few people who can do it fast enough and to the standard required. I know it sounds nuts to people who aren’t used to it. But I promise you it’s very hard in practice to do less.

Also finding a new job probably won’t change this. At the level I work the expectation would be very long hours as a baseline. The only way to reduce pressure would be to reduce hours, which I can’t do.

@Useruser1

Constant 12 hour days are surely the root of the issue!

Of course but changing this isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. If it was easy to just work less I would have done it.

It isn’t the kind of job where you can work your scheduled hours.

I’m sorry you’re under so much pressure. I do know what you mean about not having enough time or people to do things so you have to pick up all the slack. But it’s not sustainable for you to drive yourself into the ground.
Are you directly employed or a partner / contractor?

Hi, I thought I needed a life coach as well and tried a couple. One was patronising and rude so I only had one session with her and another called me from a car with poor signal and wanted about £3k a month for 4 sessions which seemed excessive to me so I didn't proceed.

I agree that the root of your issue is 12 hour days and weekend working, nobody can sustain that sort of work indefinitely, it's going to break you, surely?

Can you take a week off in the first instance and just spend some time thinking and working out what to do? Because I think some of the problem must be that you don't have any time to think and so it's impossible to get any perspective. Are you paid a lot for all this effort? In which case use some of that money to go somewhere peaceful, sleep, think? Good luck. I'm in my 50s too, it's a strange time!