Write your dream resignation letter here....

[DearBoss]

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of professor.

My last working day will be 04 September 2024 but I will be doing the bare minimum of work between now and then, so you might as well count me as already having gone.

During my notice period, I'll be sure to hand over relevant on-going projects to the appropriate colleagues. But I've actually been doing very little work for the last two years in anticipation of my leaving so there is not much to hand-over; I have been doing a very effective job of seeming busy while actually doing very little and being paid for it. Where projects cannot be handed over, I will just be dropping these like a hot stone.

I will be checking emails once a week, likely on a Friday while I drink Prosecco and eat crisps. Given that I will be busy planning the next stage of my life, I will only be replying to five emails per week - those emails which get replies will be decided by way of a prize draw. Fingers crossed for you.

I am aware that you will try and convince me to taper my leaving by gradually reducing my hours over a couple of years. I am not willing to do this. I do not want to end up like Fred who announced his retirement in September 2019 and is still working here, albeit on a fractional contract of about eight minutes a week. I will log-off at 5pm on 04 September and you will never hear from me again.

While I appreciate that its customary in our sector to give some indication of future collaboration, I am not going to. I am leaving the sector to retire, and I shall never look back. I appreciate I'm young to be taking retirement but I am not the committed socialist that an academic in our discipline is supposed to be. I love money and my husband, who is also an academic, has been taking shed loads of it from organisations that would make your hair curl in order to build up enough of a pot so we can retire now. Sorry, not sorry.

Bye, Felicia.

The best resignation letter is as short as possible.

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation.

My last working day will be 04 September 2024.

Many thanks
Me.

Done.

Whatever you do, don't do what my toxic manager did and send a resignation letter outlining how he would phase into his retirement over 2 years, explaining which projects he would magnanimously continue to lead on, but also listing all his grievances in great detail, CCing in quite a lot of people including myself, who was then a new hire... and then...he didn't retire. He stayed on for no fewer than 6 more toxic years. He's finally quit this spring. Bye Felicia indeed!!

Dear Boss

I quit. I would like to say I have throughly enjoyed my time working at XXX but I haven't.

Bye,
Felicia
👋

Dear overpaid person
This is my resignation letter
I'd like to say it's been a pleasure but I don't tell lies

Not yours
Me

Dear Boss,
I quit as of now.

Whilst I continue to enjoy the clinical party of my work I find myself hating this job.

The supposed cost saving measures of us all completing admin tasks working from laptops hunched over hot desks is killing my back. I am pretty sure it's in breach of rules and regulations around being a DSE user but long ago realised despite a large part of the wider service being therapists prescribing adaptive seating for postural management the principles are not extended in any way to staff.

The bright idea of job cuts among admin staff so that we lost dedicated competent people who didn't see the point in reapplying for their own job means there are a catalogue of errors and I can't be bothered to try and fix these. It's ridiculous that you would expect me as a highly trained specialist professional being paid far too much for envelope stuffing to endlessly complete admin tasks to "support the service through a difficult period." I don't need the additional stress of dealing with temperamental printers and I can't follow up with IT when they contact to resolve as I'm shockingly in clinic with patients.

I've spent years not claiming course fees or petrol money as the tactic of making the expenses system as complicated and long-winded as possible means I don't want to give up my free time. This has left me bitter and resentful.

I know that you are aware of employees struggles and thought the best way to deal with this was a mandatory study day listening to an outside consulting company tell us the signs that we were not coping and that to alleviate this we should allow for more self care time and develop a growth mindset. I found this patronising and victim blaming.

I wasn't really expecting the government negotiated pay rise to be agreed in time but I did cry realising how long it will be delayed when I got an email with a £300 rent rise for the second year running.

Best wishes in the future and good luck to whoever gets to pick up my tasks

Greencrab

That was strangely therapeutic!

@greencrab I agree, very therapeutic. Lovely stuff.

@Mumoftwo1316 Oh yikes, that's awful. I definitely won't do this.

Oi fuck face

Shove it

[Throws laptop out window and leaves)

🤣👏🏼👏🏼

I would just send an email with this as an attachment.

Hi

I've won the lotto so won't be in tomorrow.
Or ever again actually.

Kind regards

Out of office:

I am out of the office forever.

Bye!

Hi dickdome,

Fuck your job. Stick it up your hole.

Can't wait to see how much you fuck up when I am gone.

Also, you're a prick.

I am not contemplating resigning. But I am going to steal the idea of only replying to 5 emails a week. Love the statement "fingers crossed for you" . During one meeting today, I had received over 20 emails (all new threads) ... crazy

Dear Big Boss,

I am writing to advise you of my resignation with my last day of employment being x (being the last day of my leave).

Due to the absolutely fucking ridiculous workload, key skills, responsibilities and additional tasks that have been heaped upon me, I regret that I will not be in a position to provide a handover period for the eight separate people you will need to cover these duties. You may remember that I did propose training up other staff members in assorted tasks on a number of occasions, but you declined on the basis that I was already doing the work, which meant you didn't need to pay anybody else to know them, you didn't want to have to pay me the extra to reflect the additional responsibility and that Succession Planning only applies to important people (ie, those that don't actually have any specialist skills or experience beyond claiming other people's work as their own).

If in 6 weeks' time, it finally dawns upon just how fucked you are without me cleaning up everybody else's mess and firefighting management fuckups on a daily basis, please feel free to contact me and I may provide details of my consultancy day rate and essential expenses.

Best,

M

Dear Line Manger,

After working for decades here I'm off. The stress of trying to hold everything together has made me go mad. The place is falling down around our ears, it's impossible to manage.

Sorry for the extra workload and hassle this resignation will cause on top of your already massive hassles and workload.

I recommend you get out too before you lose your health and sanity.

Kind regards,
Apples

I love my line manager, he's trying his best but the place is impossible

You lot couldn't run a piss up in a brewery. Im off.

Dear boss's boss's boss

You stupid people moved me like I was just a unit of labour and not a person with strengths and weaknesses to a remote team, even though I told everybody who'd listen at the time that this role wouldn't suit me. It doesn't suit me. You're getting about 50% of what I can give. This is your doing. I'm still being paid the same. Geniuses aren't you.

Adios.

Dear Boss,

I’m gonna retire next year, at the same time that my colleague intends to move jobs.
You will therefore have no members in this Department and have literally fuck all chance of replacing us, owing to what we do.

Good luck! (Cheery wave!)

Me.

This is pretty much the real resignation letter I wrote in 1995 :

Dear Area Manager,

I resign from my position of General Manager at (name of establishment), effective immediately. Today will be my last day. I have decided to leave hospitality and have no intention of working in this industry again, so I will not be working a notice period or requiring a reference.

Rgds,

Me.

I wouldn’t do a resignation letter, they just would never see or hear from me ever again!

Yeh in my last job a woman did that, took her CUP HOME on Friday. That was the only clue. No see ya. Nothing. We were all a bit impressed.

I like this very much!