Write your dream resignation letter here....

[DearBoss]

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of professor.

My last working day will be 04 September 2024 but I will be doing the bare minimum of work between now and then, so you might as well count me as already having gone.

During my notice period, I'll be sure to hand over relevant on-going projects to the appropriate colleagues. But I've actually been doing very little work for the last two years in anticipation of my leaving so there is not much to hand-over; I have been doing a very effective job of seeming busy while actually doing very little and being paid for it. Where projects cannot be handed over, I will just be dropping these like a hot stone.

I will be checking emails once a week, likely on a Friday while I drink Prosecco and eat crisps. Given that I will be busy planning the next stage of my life, I will only be replying to five emails per week - those emails which get replies will be decided by way of a prize draw. Fingers crossed for you.

I am aware that you will try and convince me to taper my leaving by gradually reducing my hours over a couple of years. I am not willing to do this. I do not want to end up like Fred who announced his retirement in September 2019 and is still working here, albeit on a fractional contract of about eight minutes a week. I will log-off at 5pm on 04 September and you will never hear from me again.

While I appreciate that its customary in our sector to give some indication of future collaboration, I am not going to. I am leaving the sector to retire, and I shall never look back. I appreciate I'm young to be taking retirement but I am not the committed socialist that an academic in our discipline is supposed to be. I love money and my husband, who is also an academic, has been taking shed loads of it from organisations that would make your hair curl in order to build up enough of a pot so we can retire now. Sorry, not sorry.

Bye, Felicia.

How many of you folks work/ed in HE? 😆

Dear overpaid upyourown arses talkingshop people,

I, and many many colleagues, have been virtually ignored by you for our entire career here. Your ability to downplay, fob off, ignore, deflect and brush under the carpet any health and safety incident or staffing issue or concern is really out of this world. You would rather underpay all the most important staff whilst spending donated money on wasting time talking about the next big idea, or even better, paying ridiculously expensive 'consultants' to give you ideas that half your staff already gave you years ago - but you didn't listen, or take seriously, or plain ignored.

I hope someone hurts themselves (just enough to sue but not life changing) on one of the many dodgy areas you can't be bothered to fix and sues the absolute shit out of you.

See ya!

Ticktick

Dear Manager

I had a wonderful time working for this company. Then they employed you, and that's why I'm leaving; of my own accord rather than give you the trouble of manufacturing an excuse to get me out.

<Raises hand>

Ha, me too, although P&S.

Dear Boss or bosses, it became so confusing in the end.

The first restructuring, we got on with it, it did make some sense. This one has no logic to it whatsoever. Turning generalist management jobs with an oversight of all aspects of academic departments into specific strands with no overlap meant that a lot of us didn't fancy it, took your vser offer, and left you with junior staff who had no knowledge of either. I laughed when I hear who were to take the specific roles. You've lost so much institutional knowledge and cross departmental relationships that kept the wheels turning. 17 years in my case.

Thanks for the cash, I will be on the sofa watching the cricket. Best of luck, you'll need it!

Me.

I was working for a horrible boss and the job was equally horrible but needed the money, one day he went a step to far and received my verbal resignation.

Him ranting at the top of his lungs at me for nothing that was to do with me or the department I worked in, I tried to tell him but that just made him go redder in the face and shout louder.

I picked a box up and started putting my bits and pieces from my desk in it and when he had stopped for a breath I told him "to shove his shitty fucking job as far up his fucking arse as he could" and made my way to the door. As I was walking away he shouted and told me he would never give me a reference, I replied that I wouldn't be telling anyone I'd worked for such a shitty company and not to worry I would be much better off financially on the dole with the increase in what he paid.

Not a single sound could be heard from the office when I left apart from him spluttering ( I worked with about 12 people in the office), the receptionist was howling as I walked past her.

Not my finest moment but I felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders on the drive home 😂

After a shitty week at work this thread has really cheered me up! Maybe my fantasy resignation letter will become reality!

I think I love you.

Dear boss,

Genuinely. Thanks for giving me a laptop and paying me monthly. Thanks for the sick pay. Thanks for sending me out to the lovely clients. Not so thanks for the gross clients but comes with the territory.

No thanks to disappearing every time ANYTHING happened. No thanks for the non management. No thanks to the absolute lack of team morale. No thanks to the lack of training and support and laughing at me when I don’t understand things. No thanks to standing in my personal space. No thanks to staring at me. No thanks to contacting me outside of work hours. No thanks to not being treated like a person. No thanks to working here for 20 years with no feedback and then being managed out as has happened to an and b. It’s not much to look forward to so I am off.

Ps. You’re a manager not a friend. At the moment you’re managing neither.

Overall what a gross pointless experience.

Ta rah now.

Bubbles

I would like mine to be

Dear Boss,

Please accept my resignation from the service I have worked in for 12 years. I wish I didnt have to leave but knobheads who get paid far too much have decided that our service is 'surplus to requirements' so we all have to leave. That is in spite of the stress this will bring to our already vulnerable customers, who are all experiencing different stages of Dementia, many of whom are frightened and frail. I hope those who have made this decision never find themselves in a position where they, or someone they care for loses a service that is so iimportant to them. I wish they could see how many tears have been shed by the staff and many of our customers about the closure.

I hope the money saved will be worth it.

Regards

Spoon.

In reality I have resigned and my last day is Friday as I am being redeployed. I wish I could have said that and if I was one of my three colleagues who are using the opportunity for earlyish retirement I would have .

Dear lovely line manager,
I used to love coming to work, making a difference, learning to be a good nurse.
The situation in which we are now working puts my NMC PIN at risk daily. Looking after sick vulnerable patients in corridors for days as we have no beds is horrible. Why should we, at the coal face, be the ones to apologise to angry family members when it's not our fault and we can't do anything about it?
I adore you, it's out of your control I understand that. But for my sanity I'm off to work in Lidls (other supermarkets are available) where the pay is similar, much less stress and I'm not responsible for people's lives.

When I got a settlement after 2 years off work (sick leave and furlough), a grievance, an appeal, ACAS early conciliation, tribunal claim submitted all because of bullying and disabiliity discrimination - I changed my out of office to "I have the left [company] and have no plans to return". Subtle but it gave me a lot of satisfaction. No idea if anyone ever saw it as I don't know if out of offices still get sent after someone leaves there but I hope at least some did.

Dear v big boss,

yup I’m out of here. BTW- if I, on a different continent, have heard about the new addition to your family (that’s not an addition to your wife’s) you can be sure that the press in both the US and your new location will have heard too.

I cannot wait to read the tabloids about this, and not wanting to stoke your paranoia but - yes of course Thomas, and the locals (in both companies) are all laughing at you.

I'm just here for ideas 💡 😅

I have a colleague who I am 99% certain will hand in her notice in the summer - we're in on the plans - I am hoping for a lottery win (or inheritance but that's kind of unwelcome) or a surprise job offer myself in the next few weeks, so that a few of us hand in notice at the same time.

I love this one

Dear Boss and other Boss,

As we scooped the multimillion pound Euros millions jackpot last night I'm afraid I won't be in the office today or indeed ever.

If you need to how anything works or where anything is I'm afraid you'll have to figure it out yourselves.

TTNF

Running

Fingers crossed I get to write this for real later this week (or some other week!)

Dear annoying boss,

This is my resignation letter. I am resigning as I don't need the money and cba to keep coming in to do this shitty job any longer.

My last working day will be 12th of Never, as i literally cba to work my notice period.

Find someone who gives a shit.

Regards.

P. Polly.

I quit.

I've worked here for over 20 years, with no holiday pay, no paid sick leave. Usually 40 to 50 hours a week, no overtime pay. Usually working all bank holidays and being expected to reply to phone calls & emails 24/7. Not even a Xmas party with free booze.

You can stick this self-employed job up your own bumhole.

[Emails self and gets employed in a 9-5 office job]

I love this. I do often fantasise about what my OOO will be once I've left.