Cried at redundancy meeting - now feeling foolish

[DrunkUnicorn]

A couple of weeks ago, I was told by my manager that I am being made redundant. I knew restructuring was likely but my role being cut was a surprise as just the previous week, she gave us not-so-veiled hints to relax and that everything will be fine for our team. Well, it was fine for her, wasn't it? She moved on to a bigger role but not for the team as we have been made redundant.

I would have understood entirely if they didn't have any alternative roles for me to apply to (they don't) but the way my manager announced it, the bulk of my role moves to a different team and I could just move to the other team. When I queried that in more detail, turns out they want me to take a pay cut and a much lower graded new position to be created, reporting to a now-peer. That set me off and I am embarrassed to say I cried at this point. I was very open in saying that after almost a decade with them climbibg up the ranks and literally being recognised globally for my work, I feel really upset that they'd think I should take such a step down in my career just for the privilege of continuing to work there. My manager seemed to understand that and we've since closed on the exit.

I'm an over thinker by nature and now I cannot stop replaying that conversation in my head. In my 20 odd years in the workplace, I have never lost control of my emotions and I feel so foolish and that I've acted unprofessionally. I know my manager feigned sympathy and inderstanding in the moment, but since then has shown an almost negative scoring EQ through the process.

On one hand I think they can all go to hell (the theory of work being a second family is being spectacularly disproved for me at the moment) but I cannot stop cringing at my own behaviour.

Has anyone else faced such a situation? How do I snap out of this cringe-fest?

And if you take the lower paid job, you'll get no redundancy pay?

Just move on from it you csnf chnage it and to be honest I think it's entirely okay if this is the one time your emotions grt the better of you. Just brush it off don't feel embarrassed and move on

Yes, been there done that. More than once . I promise you it will matter less and less as time goes on, especially as you're leaving, hopefully for better things.

It's a hard lesson to learn but for all most employers bang on about valuing their employees, the reality is that they only value making money

This. Also been there done that in redundancy meetings! It will get better

You are human, it was a completely normal reaction that many, many, many people have in that situation. Being "professional" doesn't mean being a robot.

If you continue to beat yourself up about it, you will continue to feel shit about it because you are keeping your central nervous system stuck in this painful state. If you talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you cared about, you will feel better and the emotions will be able to begin draining away.

Redundancy is a shit thing to experience. Have they given you access to any kind of counselling or coaching services? It could help you to process your feelings and stop giving yourself such an undeservedly hard time.

I was made redundant last year.
HR manager had meeting with me.
My line manager did not speak to me at all during the month until I left.
On the last day I just walked out and went to them pub. HR manager called and I said I couldn't take it anymore.
OP it is tough, but they don't deserve you. Fcuk 'em.

That set me off and I am embarrassed to say I cried at this point. I was very open in saying that after almost a decade with them climbibg up the ranks and literally being recognised globally for my work, I feel really upset that they'd think I should take such a step down in my career just for the privilege of continuing to work there.

I just wanted to add - I don't think it's embarrassing that you cried or that you communicated how upset you were. It shows that you value yourself and you recognised you were being treated much more poorly than you deserved.

It's good that they heard that. If anybody should be feeling embarrassed and foolish right now it's them not you.

It sounds like a normal reaction, you were there for a decade and what they offered you was scraps from the floor to be honest.

This is even more cringe but I'm interested to know would you ever request another meeting to ask them why you were not offered the higher position that your peer was?

Please don't give it a moment thought. I'm in HR and have had many similar meetings and lots of people get emotional. Actually when I was made redundant myself a few years ago I cried in the announcement too! Doesn't matter. Just concentrate on what's next

Honestly, that is a very normal reaction. I have cried, and I have had to sit across the table from many people who have cried. We're human, and redundancy is just bloody awful! But it is temporary, and things get better. Take your time to grieve because I do think it is like grief, then get back on the horse elsewhere. It may well be the making of you! Keep the chin up

Don't feel embarrassed, no one would think it ridiculous to cry when being told you're being made redundant, it's one of those times in life that it's very, very acceptable. TBH, if anyone did think it was embarrassing, then they're a shitty human being without empathy whose opinion you shouldn't care about.

I was strangely calm when I was told I was being made redundant at the start of this year, although it came pretty much out of the blue, but I was tearful in discussions with colleagues afterwards because they were being so exceptionally kind and helpful, and that always sets me off.

This is such a normal reaction, please don’t be embarrassed! I’ve worked in my place for a similar amount of time and I’d definitely cry if they made me redundant. So sorry this is happening but screw them, take the money and find a new place who will appreciate you.

Oh, you were not foolish to cry. That is a perfectly normal response to being managed out. Management didn’t expect you to take the lower paid role and accept a peer as your line manager. They did this to make you resign. You are lucky in that you will get redundancy pay though, so that isn’t as bad as it could have been. I have known many who after 20yrs or so of loyal hard work get managed out by being given impossible performance objectives and slowly down rated until being threatened with a performance improvement plan. These people were forced to resign and so got no redundancy.

It is sadly common for businesses to do this to get rid of high paid, senior professionals so they can hire two or three cheap recent graduates to do the work you used to. They say they want ‘fresh perspectives’ and so on. But it is usually ageism.

Don't be angry with yourself about this
Your manager treated you really badly and what was offerered was clearly going to be unacceptable to you. No wonder you were blindsided.

I'd channel your anger towards her for singling you out like that. Fuck em and good luck with finding a fab new job where you'll be happy and treated far better.

Put it behind you OP. There's no need to feel foolish, many people have similar reactions to upsetting news. You were being human.

I hope you're soon back on your feet in a fulfilling role.

Been there when I was made redundant after 24 years in the same company, but my leave date was 6 months away! As soon as they told me I had to get out of there so simply said "is that it?" they nodded, "I'll go then?", I got up and left before the tears started, but cried all the way back to my office to collect my things and told boss I was leaving for day. Think I was in the room less than 2 mins!

The next day I drove to work, burst out crying in the car park and phoned in to office to say, I was too upset, I was driving back home and would be back in the office on Monday.

Was mortified at the time, 12 years on (and in a much better job), I don't feel ashamed of showing genuine emotion.

Good for you for crying, they need to understand the impact this has on people during the process! I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.

Most people cry in this sort of situation. Honestly it's a totally normal reaction to something really crappy.

Oh my goodness I've cried at work for waaaaaaaay less than this! It's embarrassing, but actually it hasn't affected my career, I've progressed to a role and level I'm happy with. And I feel fairly confident I have a good reputation too.

One perspective is that this level of emotion shows that you're invested; you care, it's important to you.

In addition to that, I just wanted to say that when me and my entire team were made redundant a few years ago, I was devastated and it felt like the end of the world. Looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened - I found a new job really quickly, and jumped up in both salary and training opportunities that allowed me to develop further. You'll get through this

They are my peer only in the sense we work at the same level in different areas, and we interact on some topics but again as equals. My company offered to consolidate my role in their team reporting to them if I wanted to stay on (minus redundancy pay). They are unaffected by the organisation changes and have good sponsorship from their line manager, whereas my line manager has changed 3 times in the last 3 years during which time I've also taken maternity leave. I think it's just a bit of bad luck and timing for me personally in terms of executive sponsorship.

Thank you all for you kind responses. I hear what you are all saying and it is exactly the sort of advice my rational self gives my ugly-crying self. Maybe it's time I actively listened. I think I expected the 5 stages of grief to be more... linear? Instead I find myself cycling through stages I thought I was done with, especially when I rehash this conversation in my head.

Rationally I 'know' it's not personal, it's not me, it's a cost cutting exercise and I'm a line item on an excel sheet. I think one of you called it out correctly, this is making me realise that I'm more emotionally invested in my job than I've ever admitted to myself, and maybe it's time I stopped making it such a big part of how I see myself. I'm a bit of an introvert and I've always suffered the imposter syndrome, so putting on a calm and controlled and efficient Superwoman persona at work was my way of coping under mad work pressure. It doesn't come naturally to me to go easy on myself, but now is probably a good time to try harder.

Thank you all, I appreciate all your comments and shall be reading and re- reading them all 🙏🏼

@DrunkUnicorn I thought if you take an alternative role that is different to the one being made redundant and you decide you don’t like it, you can still take redundancy at the end of probation for the new role? I would make sure to look at all the conditions very carefully (in case you decide to try it even if you have no intention of staying).

Unfortunately I’ve had to have these conversations with people (although I am genuinely sympathetic and with higher EQ that your manager seems to have) and crying is very standard for men and women, young and old. Don’t even think about it.

Frankly, I think it’s better to face them with what they’re doing to people rather than going all stiff upper lip to give them an easy ride.

I don't think you need to feel foolish OP. Emotions can get the best of us, and I'm sure you won't be the first, or last, to do this. I hope you find something much better.

However, when I was made redundant in the 90s, after 17 years working there, I was so happy I bought a lottery ticket as I thought it was my lucky day! To be fair I wasn't happy in my workplace and that gave me the push to find something else. They gave me two week's notice and said they would assist me in finding something else - I said no thanks, I'll go today.

When everyone in our department was offered voluntary redundancy a few years ago I couldn't wait to accept - and I had been there 26 years. On my last day I skipped out with the biggest smile on my face. They didn't expect me to take them up on their offer - more fool them!