Cried at redundancy meeting - now feeling foolish

[DrunkUnicorn]

A couple of weeks ago, I was told by my manager that I am being made redundant. I knew restructuring was likely but my role being cut was a surprise as just the previous week, she gave us not-so-veiled hints to relax and that everything will be fine for our team. Well, it was fine for her, wasn't it? She moved on to a bigger role but not for the team as we have been made redundant.

I would have understood entirely if they didn't have any alternative roles for me to apply to (they don't) but the way my manager announced it, the bulk of my role moves to a different team and I could just move to the other team. When I queried that in more detail, turns out they want me to take a pay cut and a much lower graded new position to be created, reporting to a now-peer. That set me off and I am embarrassed to say I cried at this point. I was very open in saying that after almost a decade with them climbibg up the ranks and literally being recognised globally for my work, I feel really upset that they'd think I should take such a step down in my career just for the privilege of continuing to work there. My manager seemed to understand that and we've since closed on the exit.

I'm an over thinker by nature and now I cannot stop replaying that conversation in my head. In my 20 odd years in the workplace, I have never lost control of my emotions and I feel so foolish and that I've acted unprofessionally. I know my manager feigned sympathy and inderstanding in the moment, but since then has shown an almost negative scoring EQ through the process.

On one hand I think they can all go to hell (the theory of work being a second family is being spectacularly disproved for me at the moment) but I cannot stop cringing at my own behaviour.

Has anyone else faced such a situation? How do I snap out of this cringe-fest?

Don't feel embarrassed, they have treated you very badly. Crying is a valid emotion for the hurt after so many years loyalty.

Totally normal reaction - I have my meeting Friday after 21 years and am pretty sure I'll do exactly the same! All the best with finding your next role elsewhere x

Don’t worry about it.

I was told on a teams call. I turned my camera off to cry, and then left my laptop for the rest of the day and drank a whole bottle of bucks fizz.

It has changed my outlook as I had also been there for a 10 years, was respected and knowledgable, hardly ever off sick etc. It doesn’t matter. So now I just do the bare minimum. The effort isn’t worth it. Just take the redundancy money and go.

I've been made redundant twice and cried twice because both times were brutal. Both times I had newly promoted managers who didn't fight for their teams and basically did well out of the restructure. Senior directors who knew me had also moved on. I was isolated and unsupported.

It takes time to reframe your mindset. With hindsight, getting made redundant was a good thing. The company no longer valued my skillset. You learn that work is work and no company (particularly big corporates) actually care about you.

If you decide to take this new role, try to negotiate a probationary period, so that if you don't like it, you can still get the redundancy package.

There might be more money available if you appeal. Most companies have a ceiling payment. It might be worth exploring but it's stressful. I got an extra £5k out of it but had to go through a formal process.

Redundancy is shit. My current company is restructuring at the moment. I could be made redundant again. I will be ok. Once you have been through this, you learn to save and have an emergency fund. You set yourself up not to be hurt by companies again. Sorry you are going through this. Good luck.

I would never take that role. It's a small part of my current role that I've been doing independently few years now, but at a lower grade, and reporting into and under the supervision of someone who is at the same level as me now. There is no probationary period and it wouldn't matter if there was. It was brought up to me as a compromise situation as if they are doing me a favour. Even my manager was open enough to say I didn't expect you would take it but since it was discussed as an option between her and HR, she asked me if I am interested.

The exit agreement is behind us now. I just need to somehow stop feeling embarrassed at how it all went down..

Please don't feel embarrassed. It's a stressful situation that brings out all kinds of emotions.

My manager cried when I was made redundant, I didn't. But later on during leaving drinks I drunkenly wailed for about an hour, I hadn't realised how much the stress had got to me.

My colleagues (also going through potential or actual redundancy) were a mix of kind, selfish, angry, supportive.

I moved on to better things, I'm sure you will do.

Don’t be embarassed I think many people do this. I was told I was at risk in the last redundancy program we had, and my job was gone, and I cried, I was so shocked, I was lucky enough they ultimately found me another role, but I cried when my manager told me, and I was really distressed for some time to be honest.

The entire process happened over Teams. My exit has been formally announced but what they haven't announced is that I'm quietly serving out notice as the job market is quite sh!t at the moment. There will no farewell drinks, goodbye coffees or even the right time (or need?) for a goodbye email from me. It's all very awkward.

Are you actually working during the notice period?

I'd do a goodbye email when you stop actually working, and choose a few people for a goodbye coffee (if there is anyone you want to do that with).

My leaving drinks were for the whole group of us who left and I would have been happy not to do that again, it wasn't exactly a jolly occasion!

Oh my gosh, are you me?

"Both times I had newly promoted managers who didn't fight for their teams and basically did well out of the restructure. Senior directors who knew me had also moved on. I was isolated and unsupported"

This is EXACTLY how I feel. I've faced actual/ potential redundancy 3 times already but each time I've had managers ride into battle for me. This manager couldn't make it more obvious I am no longer her problem. Maybe that's the problem, I've been treated too well in the past? LOL this is a new experience for me all right !!!

You have nothing to feel embarrassed about. I would think about it differently, and be proud. Why? Because you are passionate about what you do, care about your contribution and the company you work for. These are all traits that are positive.

It is an unfortunate realism of Business that these things happen, and I have been both sides of the table. When delivering such news, I have had all sorts of reactions, and tears are common from both men and women, as is anger, incredulity, silence, and apathy. Tears are common enough for me to always have a box of tissues on the table.

Good luck, I'm sure you will be fine. Don't forget too that life is like the windscreen of a car. Great expanse of glass looking forward, and a very small bit looking behind us.

You can't help but take these things personally even though you're just another number to them. It's a terrible position to be in.

Gird your loins now to fight for the best exit package you can get. And check their figures before accepting.

What @atticstage says. Treat yourself with kindness op. A dear friend was made redundant. I don't know if she cried in the meeting but she was sobbing at her leaving do. She was a high up in her company and very highly regarded. It's completely normal and understandable. She went on to hold a number of non--executive directorships.

OP, it is perfectly natural to cry! Halfway through the first year of lockdown, I just purchased my first house with my partner and was made redundant two days after receiving my mortgage offer. It couldn't have come at a worse time.
My HR manager called me to come in as they just wanted to have a chat to see how I was and discuss going back to work. It ended up being a redundancy meeting. I had not set foot in my workplace for nearly 6 months, first day back I was made redundant and cried as I knew I now had a house to pay for and was very shocked.
It gets better! I've now got a job I'm very happy in with supportive managers.

I've handled hundreds of redundancies over the years, lots of people cry, it's an awful process 💐

So sorry op. I’ve been through redundancy consultation and it’s grim. Totally normal to respond emotionally- everyone in my team did when we experienced it. Your mansger sounds like she’s made of the David Brent style insensitivity and lacking intelligence. She should be mortified for handling it so badly.

A normal reaction. Do not feel embarrassed.

I've been made redundant three times in 35 years. Two out of the three I cried at.

The last one i was so hardened by I actually laughed the whole duration of the meeting (stocks and shares company, loads of us dumped when the market fell).

Each time I've gotten a better job than the last. I had a few temping jobs in between that I also enjoyed as I got to do slightly different things.

I was never there long enough to get much redundancy in any job but if you do get that it will be a good base for you.

If you work part time (it used to be under 16 hours) and are a low income family you can get quite a fair bit in benefits. I was surprised that someone i know gets roughly what I get for working half the hours I do as she has a child. Its been great for her as a single parent.

Time will help but

1. Good on you. People need to realise that they are doing this to actual real people with feelings and aspirations
2. Sound like shuffling deckchairs on the Titanic. These things are often an interim those "lucky" people may just face it again within a year or 2.
3. What's for you won't pass you by. Even if it doesn't seen like it now
4. You can reset the way you look at work. Work and 98% of the people in it only value your loyalty to the exact extent they need it. Don't be loyal to an abstract concept or to people who you work for and with. Be hardworking etc but reserve loyalty for friends,family or even bands or sports teams. I have been there, done that, refused the T Shirt!

I think the bigger question is why you are cringing so much and giving yourself such a hard time about completely normal behavior. You’re having a difficult time, you’re allowed to be upset - cut yourself some slack

I'm also being made redundant so you have my empathy.

My boss handled it incredibly badly and seemed to suggest I was being fired. It was very stressful until HR stepped in and sorted the package etc.

A colleague who I'm friendly with asked at the end of one of our calls if I was ok and the floodgates opened.

Don't be embarrassed. redundancy is a horrible stressful thing to happen and many many people have cried at work when faced with it.

Sending hugs. I've been there and it's utterly grim. Can still tell you the date and it's 33 years ago. Don't feel embarrassed. There's better things waiting for you

Only once I was in the position of having to tell people in my team they were at risk of redundancy. It may be small consolation to you, but one woman, who seemed to take the news very calmly, told me later that she felt really angry that she hadn't shown how upset she was. It is a really crappy thing to deal with and there's no shame in being upset.

I used to be a union rep and have accompanied people on all
sorts of meetings. Nearly everyone cries, it’s the shock. Please don’t feel bad about it, they will be used to it.

When I got made redundant my manager doing it was crying! I managed to hold it together until leaving the meeting then I broke down in tears! It’s very normal….work is such a big part of our lives. It just shows you care. Don’t think twice about it.