Work stress. I just don't know what to do with myself.

[Angstyangst]

Name changed for this. My role has changed recently and a lot more work dropped on me. Work I am not familiar with and given the amount of stuff I already deal with, I'm not really coping. I've gone from feeling like a reasonable and capable employee to now just being emotionally unstable. It's affecting me at home, I've had a poor weekend feeling paralysed by anxiety/depression/panic/not sure what for the majority of the weekend. It's been building for months.

Work know about the stress the extra load is causing, there have been discussions and the attitude is oh well, nothing we can do about it, you just have to get on. Oh and throw in a little bit of emotional blackmail for good measure....I know you're busy but can you do this extra work as well as another dept is struggling. They either don't care or don't have any power to change the situation. Its public sector.

I feel like a failure. Its all being piled on and I feel as though I should just be able to buck up and get on with it, im being pathetic, but it's all too much. If things don't get done because there isnt enough time, I'll be asked why. If something isn't right because I've lost the ability to concentrate, I'll be asked to explain.

I don't know what to do to make it better. It's affecting me at home, I'm dreaming about work and having random attacks of anxiety where I just shut down. I've a doctors appt lined up but what do I say? My job is giving me another role on top of my already full one and I can't cope? The doc can't make it any better at work. Im already taking ads and have started counselling through work. I don't know what to do. (Ha! Work counselling...we won't resolve the problem, we'll send you to a therapist to make you cope with it.)

My role is specialised so not easy to walk straight into something else. Plus, I shouldn't have to leave!

I'm not sure what I'm asking, I need some advice. I feel like I'm going to do or say something I'll regret.

I have been there (in the private sector). If you are a public employee you probably have a generous sick policy. I suggest you go off sick for a few weeks to send a message. Ask your GP to sign you off with stress and use this time to catch up on sleep and look for other job opportunities. I was really scared of going off sick (unpaid). As it turned out the company needed me more than I needed them. I hope it helps

Thank you. The guilt of going off would feel bad too. Its a toss up between looking after yourself or your colleagues. I feel I should just suck it up but I've barely functioned for most of this weekend. I'm really not feeling well at all.

Do you not have any supportive managers? I’m also public sector, and have had a couple of bad patches where I felt my MH was being affected by the really bad stress I was under. First time I just cried in a meeting with my manager, and that worked. She immediately took it seriously. Don’t feel ashamed to be struggling. I also really suffer from the feeling that I need to do it all and not leave my colleagues in the lurch, but we don’t get rewarded for that. Time to stop and let them take up the slack. You should take your 7 days self cert and see if the dr would sign you off for longer.

You need to get signed off. No job is worth this. You have 1 life. . It's not weak to get signed off. This job sounds like a toxic relationship. You are putting up with their abuse so they don't think less of you. Be brave and put yourself first.

Hopefully they will get the message and if they don't then there are other jobs out there! Red Car Theory.

It is a toxic relationship. It's abusive as I have no say, or rather, no matter how many times I explain why this is all too much to expect I get shut down, I'm totally powerless. And I have been in tears. But no sort of change is brought. Just that we have no choice. It's like a brick wall. I've tried to explain so many times it's just humiliating now. My self esteem in the job is being crushed. It's not just me, I know my colleagues feel it too which is why I feel bad about considering taking time to rest.

If you took time off , it's not you causing extra work for your colleagues....It's the managers!!!!

You need to see this. I know it's tough. I've been there.

They carry on without you they really do.

No advice, but solidarity. I'm in a fairly similar situation and underperforming after previously being seen at other workplaces as skilled and valuable.

Only thing keeping me from going sick is that I'm actively job hunting, and while I know that officially a new employer shouldn't discriminate based on sickness, the reality can be different.

I have been there. However you owe it to yourself and your family to look after your physical and mental health

I was in a similar situation.
It only ended when I got signed off with stress after having a breakdown.

If you can take some time off. It might convince them to be more reasonable and it'll give you a break.

They are duty bound by law to do a stress risk assessment for you, to address it. You must insist on this

if they refuse then go see a solicitor
i did this and won my case and got a large sum of money as pay off

You take some time off sick now or keep going until you have a breakdown or worse. I was in a very similar situation , sent my boss a message early evening saying he needed to sort out some help as I felt like my head was going to explode and a few hours later I woke up having had a stroke

Take the time off sick- you are not well and can't help others if you don't care for yourself.

Do you meet with your manager regularly? If so, ask them what work they want you to prioritise. Keep a log of how long each piece sent. You mention that some of the work is unfamiliar to you- is there any training they can provide that would help you?

Ultimately though, they sound like poor managers and I think you would be best off leaving. If you are willing to share your general area of work, someone might be able to suggest other roles where your skills would fit

@Angstyangst so sorry you are feeling this way. Have you asked for help prioritising? Sorry if that’s obvious

I have also been there. I ended up seeing my GP, getting signed off for work related stress and taking two months off to recover. Recovering for me meant finding another job, and having therapy to help get the stress of the previous one out of my system. Looking back now, from a much better place, I know I did the right thing and I should have left the toxic workplace much sooner. You need to put your mental health first before you burn out completely.

One piece of advice that was given to me when I went through something similar was that it is precisely when you think you can’t stop that you should. I found it hard to understand/see at the time but I now think it’s one of the best pieces of advice that was given to me. So I pass it on and would suggest you take the time off as others have done. No one is irreplaceable. We are commodities are work and taking time off helps one change perspective and either reprioritise or decide that a change is needed. All the best, it is very tough.

I could have written this, I asked my employer for time off as my dad collapsed to be refused. This was on Friday and I have voted with my feet. This was a social care job. Only happened on Friday. I’m done, completely done. Family are first

OP, if you were hit by a bus tomorrow, they'd cope. They'd find a way.

Don't let a job do this to you. It's just a job. Take at least 3 weeks to properly rest and recover.

When you return, have a meeting with HR and put a plan in place - and keep looking around for something else to have an escape route if needed.

Best of luck - you're worth more than this.

Thanks for all your words of support. Honestly, I'd thought I'd get a bit of buck up, come on, you can do it. But now I see everyone agrees, I can't carry on and who knows the medical consequences. Have been signed off. Didn't even ask the question, the Dr just said you need a break from it. He's right. Now I feel relief. And have a headache as though I've had a migraine. All bruised inside my head. It's hard to see it objectively when you are in the thick of it. I know I've done the right thing.

As for looking for other jobs, it's quite niche what I do. (Hard to say without being outing) I couldn't walk into another role and know exactly what I was doing unless it was the same job in another county. I have transferable skills, of an administrative type, like I say, the systems are very specific and only used in a small number of jobs.

Having said all that, I'd love to career change and go into data or coding or something, ideally working from home. I'm good at focusing on detail, while also being part of a wider team. Love getting intova problem on my own and digging out the solution.
I've been with the same employer for so long I think I'm institutionalised though!

I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear that it's right to look after myself. Thank you.

Arrange a meeting with your manager asap. Show them a list of your current tasks and ask them which ones THEY want to prioritise as you don't have capacity to do them all.

If this doesn't help, take some mental health leave.

Ah pleased you've been signed off.

Could you look into doing a course of some type? If you are interested in ecology, there is a dearth of qualified ecologists!

Op you need to take care, I had less than what you’re feeling when my work put 2 jobs on me when someone left. I’m still affected by it all 2 years later and I’ve left that role. It really damaged me.

I would love a job change. I'm introverted so something suitable to that but because I've been in public services for so long the private sector (and big wide world) looks a bit scary. I'd need to retrain in something, maybe coding or data, something I could hopefully do from home but it's quite overwhelming knowing where to begin. I've also not interviewed in over 10 years so there's that...

I'm still off. But thinking about when the right time is to go back. It's triggering anxiety again and lying in bed running things through my head, work related things. I don't know how I can go back and not end up the same if nothing has changed there. How do you know when you're ready to go back? I don't actually think I am, but the guilt is creeping in.

Does your work offer an EAP with an option for counselling. Ive just gone back last week after 4 months off because the stress had got to me so much I was shaking going into the office and didn't sleep and was so burnt out. This was after being in a similar position to you for almost 4 years and I wish I had spoken up much much sooner. I did feel some guilt about some colleagues but not for long as they adapted and what do you know they had to sort it out and distribute work. I am public sector too and was understaffed with statutory deadlines and manager who basically just said get on with it. I'm trialling three months back in my department and if it's no improvement by then I'm out. I am like you I work well in a team and manage a team but love the data analytics rather than all the other stuff.
Counselling helped me get perspective on the situation and allowed me to process some of the anger I had so I could move past the negative emotions and look forward more positively about my options. I've been in the role 5 years with another 6 years in the department before that. In February I felt like I'd destroyed my career at 44 now I feel like actually I'm a very capable person who was on an impossible situation and that I can move on and hold my head up high if I chose too. Take the time you need to recover and do recover, not just feel okayish. When you're ready get the stress risk assessment done and then make your decision.

It does not sound like you are ready.

When the time does come ensure that you go back on a phased return and get in contact with the occupational health person. I would hope that HR refer you to them as part of your phased return. When I was off ill for a bit the occy health person was very good in telling my manager what I was and was not allowed to do.

What level is this person dumping work on you? Manager? Head of service? If start trying the same shit with dumping work on you then to go the person above them.