Sex jokes at work

[spearmintdreams]

My manager made a joke about vaginas in front of a room of men, me being the only woman. It made me feel uncomfortable even though I know he didn't mean to upset me.

Was it funny?

Sexual harassment. It's up to you if you want to make a complaint. I have done in the past, and I've also seen "innocent jokes" turn into sexual assault so it doesn't really matter if it's funny or not - sexual jokes don't belong in the workplace.

That's completely degrading and is sexual harassment.

You should either raise it with him directly, with his line manager or report directly to HR.

Its 2024 and he is a manager. He should bloody well know better.

Any decent man wouldn’t do this, but even any less than decent man would know not to do it in a work situation, so he sounds stupid as well as sexist.

I suppose if it was only once, I could let it go (shouldn’t have to) but if he did it more often, I’d complain.

I’d have a word with him, in private, sometime.
Just be quite blunt about it and tell him it made you uncomfortable and doesn’t set the tone of good leadership.

IF he takes no notice or any of those men do it again, (or something similar) personally I’d get up and walk out.

If a manager is seen to get away with it, disrespect will soon cascade down the ranks. Nip this in the bud.

Oh god, the amount sex jokes and talk at my work are off the charts. Massive HR issue waiting to happen. But everyone seems to gel well and no one appears to be offended. We all make inappropriate jokes at times. Think it helps relieve the stress.

We all make inappropriate jokes at times.

🤔

I think that's really awful. You were the only woman in there and what the fuck was he talking about vaginas for anyway? If his boss was a woman he would not have said that.

Based on a conversation I once had I'd be tempted to say 'watch out, some vaginas have teeth' and watch them all squirm.

Is your company big enough to have an HR dept? If so tell your boss asap but in private you found it an inappropriate comment to make and he should not make a sexual comment like that again. Depending how contrite he sounds I'd also speak to HR. If they have a diversity and inclusion policy they should take it seriously. E en if he sounds apologetic I'd be tempted to get it logged because he won't just be making these comments in front of you.

I think context is everything. I work with urologists and “top things men have got stuck in their penis” is a standard Friday afternoon conversation.

I'm not a gyne

I would recommend him for enhanced harassment training.

Different people have different tolerences for different comments and it depends on the situation as well. Just because you are happy with the culture in your company doesn't mean the OP has to accept the culture in her company. To be the only person in a meeting who has a protected characteristic when your boss is making a comment about it is going to make you feel more vulnerable than e.g. a line report making a similar comment when you can simply use your authority to tell them it's unacceptable.

It was a vulgar joke too and just wasn't funny. I wasn't offended more I felt like crying.

I told my husband about it and burst out crying. I felt degraded and vulnerable.

I would avoid speaking to him in private about this - If you embarrass him privately and he is a dickhead he could make life hard for you.
I would take advice from HR instead. They may want to investigate officially. Sorry this happened. I would be pissed off too. It's one thing having some work banter, but it's another to have a manager stand up and make comments like this in front a room of people.

A one off let it go but if he does it again then say something to him . If he does it again report him as it's a pattern and he deliberately doing it to upset you

To be honest, unless there is a massive back story, I think your are being a bit OTT about crying over a vagina joke.

I’m with you OP, jokes like that aren’t funny. It’s hard enough being the only woman in a room!

I had a colleague who just wouldn’t stop with the sex “jokes”, but there was one that was just too far so I complained to our boss 🤷🏻‍♀️ He stopped after that.

How did the other men react?

I understand how you felt. A previous line manager of mine once stated in a departmental meeting that if women got maternity leave for giving birth then he ought to be granted leave for ejaculating. I was so upset by that comment that I couldn't even say anything at the time. It felt so degrading.

As long as it was a case of misjudged humour I’d let it go

tbh sooner just let something like this go rather than work in some joyless politically correct environment where everyone is frightened to speak

What was the 'joke'?

its unacceptable, more so as he clearly knew there was only one woman in the room, and he should have realised this would make you feel uncomfortable.
Clearly it was bad, I don’t think you would have cried otherwise.
I would talk to HR .
It doesn’t have to be a huge thing, but if I had not felt confident enough to challenge him at the time, I would not challenge him on my own.

And you didn't find it funny. Nevermind, eh?

Curious to hear also especially as it made her go home and cry? I can’t help think that must be more the environment/situation than the actual joke?

OP if this is an ongoing thing what have you considered as options? Reporting, moving departments, moving jobs?

How do you generally feel about the guy? I had to raise an issue with someone. We often worked alone together. He’d laugh at vague innuendos
I genuinely don’t think he meant anything by it but I asked him to stop as it was a bit inappropriate for work. It was fine.

If he’s a decent bloke who hasn’t thought about the impact on the only woman in the room, he’ll listen.
If he’s a wanker anyway, you won’t manage to change the culture and you’ll make yourself sick trying so look for a different job and challenge it when you have a route out.