Finally found calling, now might lose it all

[Jaberwocky123]

I work at a company abroad.

The division was in a state when I arrived — I don’t have huge amount of experience but the CEO of the company saw promise in me and asked me to sort it out. I jumped right in.

I decided to focus and make this company the “go to” for relevant work in that country. For 1.5 years I raced ahead and everything worked out: I got a wierd surge of confidence and contacted huge people, made connections, progressed projects, just winged it — but it worked.

I contacted and linked up a great UK company with my company, with idea of doing a deal. They did this deal and now I am becoming redundant to both companies. It’s good — they are soaring — but I’m now floating and I feel upset, panicky, like a pushover, which has always been my issue. I had a moment of thinking I’d really found my feet career wise. Now there are endless conversations like “you’re a real asset, so we must work out what your role will be…” / “we’re trying to figure out where you’d be most useful” / “thanks for all your amazing work, it’s been an amazing help to get us to this place of lift off”. I feel really anxious and cry secretly most days.

Something also feels like an invasion of a life I escaped — the UK — into my new life. The Brits bring benefits (structure, organisation, rigour) but also dampen spontaneity and the feeling of opportunity I had here has gone, plus the completely new to me confidence I got from a fresh start. I’m so scared that the happiness I have finally found has been marred, and all because of my own doing.

Thanks so much for reading this far. Do you have any advice? Should I stand up for myself? Or head down and go with the flow?

How old are you?

Im 32. In case relevant I had a baby last August and took 3 months mat leave, worked full time (nearly to death on 3 hours sleep some nights) straight after that. My previous job was in same field and similar (it’s all film industry by the way) but pandemic halted me big time so I restarted this new career path aged 28.

Are you a contractor? It seems odd the way they seem to value you but you say they’re making you redundant

There are several ways to look at this. On one hand, you now have a whole new set of skills with tangible evidence to take to a new employer / do the same thing for someone else.

On the other, you like where you are, but it's sounding flaky.

The learning here I think is that next time, make sure you have an equity deal. Your hard work appears to have changed the fortune of the company and, while you've been paid for your time, there is every chance now that you could be minister without portfolio. Equity growth would give you a cushion and make sure you are properly rewarded.

A forward thinking company would deploy your skills on another problem, but common sense does not always prevail.

Is there any way you could involve yourself in the discussions about what your next role there would be?

If not, or in fact anyway, I would be dusting off my CV at this point I'm afraid.

@HappiestSleeping nailed it. I’ve thrown everything I had at previous roles and been so passionate it’s affected me deeply and had to walk away, but those experiences have also lead me to wheee I am today

@HappiestSleeping brilliantly written, clever advice. Thanks.

Could you look at creating a role for yourself, that would align with the future of the company? You could explain what you could bring to the company. Try it. Bear in mind to look at appropriate salaries for that role, so you don't swindle yourself out of the correct wage.

Great thread!

I wonder if a higher proportion of women than men tend to become too selflessly devoted in this way.

It sounds like an excellent opportunity to become a consultant in your field, you have the expertise and have loved the work so can you do the same thing elsewhere.

If you want to stay and see a future with the new combined org then design yourself a role that will utilise your skills, bring benefit to the company and give you the opportunity to develop and present it to the leadership.

They keep saying they want to find you a role and want to I keep you so facilitate them doing that and take the opportunity to create something that gives you room to grow.

It sounds to me as though you could be an asset to other companies on a consultancy basis. Have you thought about being your own boss?

I also think- you have a baby under one, work in a brutal industry, and have been through some tough stuff. If you want to weep and roar and gnash your teeth… you do that. It sound like there are some complicate feelings coming through from past experiences, and your role in life has shifted as well as your role in work. You might have some processing to do.
It also sounds like you are brilliant and a great asset. So, once you’ve processed, what do you actually want? How do you want to spend your days? Do that.
(Ps I’m finding Tara Moir’s writing annoying but useful at the moment, and you might too)

Reflect on what you enjoyed so much about the work you were doing. Try to think a bit abstractly about it and what motivated you. Don’t think about money, job titles or status within hierarchy. Focus on what energises you and gets you out of bed in the morning.

i agree with others that they are making the right noises. You’re an asset. They want to work out the right role for you etc… read this as an invitation to design a role you will love

Have you asked them to help you do that? You don’t have to go back directly with “I’d like this job title please”. Talk to them about what you have loved about the work so far. Then ask them how they see you fitting in doing that sort of work.

Do you have a supporter, mentor or sponsor there? An external perspective may be useful to you. If you have connections start reaching out to people for chats and coffees, get feedback on your strengths. Ask their advice for your next move - people love being asked for advice.

good luck

Thank you all, really helpful advice so far.

@Emotionalsobriety I bet, sadly.

@FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain designing a role attractive for sure. Perhaps can use this momentum and moment of change in the company.

@ScratchedSkirtings i think you’re right about processing. Huge amount of change in past three years. Like a full 180: new job, relationship, baby, country! Perhaps some thinking to do there. Ha. Can’t find Tara Moir?

@Daffidale Really considerate and helpful answer, thanks. I’ve been trying to do this work and identify real passions. I have one mentor, but he’s a director and convinced I need to be a writer and abandon salary for years (or ever?). Not a feasible leap right now and no opinion other than his that I can do it! I love your advice on whole of taking charge — and time — a bit more. Thanks.

Oh and @INeedNewShoes too scared to be own boss right now 😓

By the way… is 32 quite late to be in this dilemma? I feel a bit lost again…

Hell no! I know people who’ve hit this at 40, at 50… and gone on to be super successful. I had a mentor reckoned they switched up career roughly every 10 years. Totally normal. Just horrid while you are going through it - can totally relate to that feeling a bit lost feeling. You’ll find yourself again don’t worry.

Sorry- Tara Mohr (Playing Big). Though I always feel like any book recommendations on women getting ahead ought to be balanced by Dawn Foster’s Lean Out…
And yes re 32 being a perfectly reasonable time- you are at a big transition point! I’m at one too at the mo and I’m 42. And had one at 33. And braced for the one at 52…

I’m sorry this is happening and no wonder you are feeling the way you do. It struck me that the first part of your post was so positive and inspiring actually - a real success story. You did an amazing thing that you didn’t know you could do. You discovered something new and powerful about yourself that you didn’t know was there.
I know you’ll have a lot to deal with now and that you made big sacrifices to find yourself in a situation where the future is not clear.
But from your post, you are clearly someone who can make the most of an opportunity, who deals with adversity, who connects with people and is valued. So ride on that new found confidence and do the next amazing thing. Wishing you the best of luck.

Sounds like a bot has written this

A lot of people in the film industry are freelance, so would that be an opportunity worth pursuing? You have already made a name for yourself.

It sounds like you were in the smaller company that was acquired by a larger (British) company. There is always a normal resettling of the hierarchy following such events: the smaller co CFO is unlikely to become the parent group CFO straight away, same with CEO, head of x etc.

What normally happens is twofold: a) the settling of the merged org starts from the top -Board, advisors, CEO, CFO etc. and b) other senior executives they want to keep but don’t know in what capacity are given soft messages like “we see a role for you” while they work out what the new org looks like. It’s in that order. You don’t say what level you are but assuming you’re below C exec level, you’re in the second group and frankly second order of concern right now so they’re keeping you warm.

This is all very normal but brings uncertainty and the day-to-day will change: you will no longer have the autonomy you had and that takes adjustment. But if you want to weather the storm and help in the transition, there may be a bigger job for you In the merge org and being British may help you.. But don’t expect them to know what that role is right now.

Personally I would set a timeline for myself to wait (say) 6 months to see how things turn out and spend that time being as helpful as possible. If it doesn’t work out, you can look elsewhere with great experience under your belt.

Many mention setting up a consultancy to do mergers like this. My view is that you need a few big deals under your belt and have also gained the maturity from seeing the joint org succeed. Right now you’ve seen to the merger point only. Good luck!

Sounds like you should go do the same for another company, if possible, rather than stagnate.

Sit down, stop panicking and think. They're asking for your input, what do you want to do, decide that and tell them what you'll be working on next. Find that confidence you had and look for the gap you can fill. Take charge, they trust you, they'll come along with you 👍

Do you think they see aren't considering keeping you on, as during your 3 month maternity leave, when you weren't there, they came to the conclusion that you weren't needed now and as a company they could now stand on their own two feet?

Do you think if you hadn't had a baby and gone on maternity leave, they may have not considered letting you go?