Finally found calling, now might lose it all

[Jaberwocky123]

I work at a company abroad.

The division was in a state when I arrived — I don’t have huge amount of experience but the CEO of the company saw promise in me and asked me to sort it out. I jumped right in.

I decided to focus and make this company the “go to” for relevant work in that country. For 1.5 years I raced ahead and everything worked out: I got a wierd surge of confidence and contacted huge people, made connections, progressed projects, just winged it — but it worked.

I contacted and linked up a great UK company with my company, with idea of doing a deal. They did this deal and now I am becoming redundant to both companies. It’s good — they are soaring — but I’m now floating and I feel upset, panicky, like a pushover, which has always been my issue. I had a moment of thinking I’d really found my feet career wise. Now there are endless conversations like “you’re a real asset, so we must work out what your role will be…” / “we’re trying to figure out where you’d be most useful” / “thanks for all your amazing work, it’s been an amazing help to get us to this place of lift off”. I feel really anxious and cry secretly most days.

Something also feels like an invasion of a life I escaped — the UK — into my new life. The Brits bring benefits (structure, organisation, rigour) but also dampen spontaneity and the feeling of opportunity I had here has gone, plus the completely new to me confidence I got from a fresh start. I’m so scared that the happiness I have finally found has been marred, and all because of my own doing.

Thanks so much for reading this far. Do you have any advice? Should I stand up for myself? Or head down and go with the flow?

@penjil that sound a bit extreme?!?

Non exec director in an advisory role? Ie same pay but for 2 days a week. Take another even higher paying advisory role for another company at the same time.
Could be fun!

No, I was trying to look at it from their corporate point of view.

Many companies, although they don't come out and say it, don't like women talking time of for maternity leave and childcare. They think it doesn't show commitment to the business, and breaks the continuity of being in a work environment.

They think that the women in question may then have another child and duck out of the business again. Plus after that, there will be childcare issues.

That's how these corporates think, and why, despite some progress, it's still predominantly a man's world in the workplace.... because that's how they want it.

@penjil its a terrifying idea. And if it does happen, very backwards. In this case I think not, as during my (super short) mat leave, a (senior, age and position wise) took over my projects but was subsequently fired after he screwed one up! But what you’re suggesting would also be discrimination on company’s part. Right?

@MFF2010 winning advice as time + calmness = clarity. Wish I had seen this as instead screwed up by crying in the office. BUT the CEO has actually offered me a new role with higher pay and potential to grow but more like assisting him which is less interesting work. British CEO said they didn’t want me - lol, that really hurt. SO I’m thinking of asking for same pay and going part time to build up own separate work too.

Sounds a little like you have Imposter Syndrome......... You are amazing IMO

British CEO doesn’t want you in case you see right through them- they know you were able to bring them in, who else could you bring in? They want to be the only show in town!
Anyway- poo to them and yay to you building up your own thing. In my experience that’s the best way to have career growth with young children. Nobody needs to know that the other client you have committed to is a two year old…

@Savoury was super interesting to read this, felt like Birds Eye view and that you have probably been in exec position before and been at other end of these mergers (calling the shots)

Some good advice on this thread. You sound like a real asset and you're still young. Don't forget that you get to decide whether companies are right for you too as well as the other way round.

Do you think that you might have found a specialism - getting start-ups off the ground? Could that be something to explore? Loads of companies would need that!

There's a good Instagram account called apowermood which has loads of good advice relevant to women.