How long to potentially loose her job?

[lilacsky89]

A nursery teacher at my son's nursery had an affair with my husband. A report was sent out by a member of staff and myself a month ago due to breach of conduct, parent/staff relationships.

I'm not sure if she will be sacked or just be given some kind of warning but I wondered how long this process usually takes?

Really hoping she does get the sack as I hate dropping off and worrying I'll bump into her

Whilst it was your husband that cheated on you, this woman obviously knew you were married with a young child. She should bare some of the responsibility for what happened. It’s pretty disgraceful behaviour, not to mention unprofessional. I can empathise with how hurt you must feel.

Doubt she’ll get sacked but hope for your sake she does. Would be a shame if all the other parents found out about what their staff get up to at that nursery, doesn’t make them look very good at all. Certainly would put me off taking my child there!

@Shonamona but if you truly knew half of the things people are guilty of then you wouldn’t send your kids anywhere, including school etc. We all make mistakes and no one is perfect.

I did not say that the OW was completely innocent.

But OP said that the OW had had an affair with her husband. That's just not true. The Husband had the affair with her.

I'm not saying it's right, but the phrasing absolves him of the responsibility. Semantics are important.

I can’t imagine she would get the sack OP they are both adults, I’m sure she is the source of plenty of gossip amongst parents and staff and her morales maybe questionable but it’s not a sackable offence. One of my friends is dating one of her daughters old teachers, they met through school, got close due to the daughters extra school hobby and been together ever since. I’m sure it raised a few eyebrows but I don’t recall her ever mentioning him getting in trouble for it. Obviously all complaints need to be investigated but there should be some indication on the nurseries policies page regarding how long that will take. Horrible situation for you so I do sympathise, if your boy is settled and you don’t want to move him then I think you will just need to hold your head up high and get on with it.

I would certainly want revenge and to see her lose her job and everything else (as well as leaving my cheating arsehole H in your shoes) but unfortunately its unlikley to happen as she hasnt actually done anything wrong at work.
I would make sure as many other Mums as possible knew about it as well.
Sadly I think you need to move your child OP, although it might be fun watching her squirm instead

I think you need to find a new nursery if you are unhappy with her being there.

It's very unlikely that she will get sacked for this. Also, it takes two, so it's not all on her.

You need to direct your anger at the person who broke your marriage vows. And it's not the nursery worker.

It’s not fair that the other children there should lose their teacher because your husband couldn’t keep it in his pants. People make all sorts of questionable moral decisions in their lives, but in the vast majority of cases, rightly, this isn’t something which should affect their employability.

True and that’s a fair point. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t get immense pleasure in this woman getting the sack if I was in OPs shoes.

This woman is paid to care for children, she’s in a position of trust. It’s certainly not in the child’s best interest to be shagging their dad and potentially breaking up their family and world as they know it. With morals like that, she’s not in the right profession IMO.

Does she have any contact with your child at the nursery?

You could certainly ask that she be kept away from him. I think that would be very fair. And id ask for her to be warned to stay well away from you too.

Does the nursery has a written policy that staff have to sign up to when they take the job stating that they can't built relationships (friendship, romantic relationship) with clients?

If a relationship between two consenting adults was conducted outside work premises and work hours and had no effect on her work performance, I am not sure whether she can be sacked for this.

It is morally wrong of course, but whether it can be legally seen as gross misconduct and a sackable offence is a different matter.

Depends on situation, may be moved but I doubt fired. I know of a situation where woman splits from DH, the DH was not allowed to get information on the kids so I assume something bigger behind the scenes. Two kids in same school year (like oldest and youngest in year, not twins). Suddenly has a new girlfriend - his kids teacher! Turns up at the school, ex wife confronts he's not allowed to be there, he replies he's there to meet gf, not to see kids. Makes disparaging comment about kids not doing well in X and she's shit mum, ex wife says how would you know, school aren't allowed to give you that info. Obviously complains to school, nothing happens, I assume both adults, no proof passing info.

Next school year, dumps gf and gets a new one - their new teacher! Ends up in a rather public fallout fight between the two. Headteacher intervenes and sees sense, bans the ex from the school grounds. Both still worked their after, ex never turned back up, no idea if still dating the new one but the next term one of the few male teachers in the school who normally teaches year above swaps and takes over her class and kept them the year after too.

I think it's reasonable that OP doesn't have to see this woman on a daily basis. and it's unreasonable that the OP and dc are the ones who have to move.

@burnttoad but she can’t be sacked for something that’s not stipulated in her contract. If OP wants to not see her she will need to move, it may not be fair but unfortunately that’s how it looks.

This.

I think they are both to blame for their shitty behaviour-him more, because of the marriage contract and her more-because she is has a contract to care for your child, or her employer does.

She didn’t have an affair, she isn’t married to you. Your husband betrayed your trust and fucked you over, she could have been anyone.

It isn’t a sackable offence. Your husband could have made out you were over for all we know, but of course he’ll say she pursued him…

As others have said, I doubt she will be sacked, and to be honest, I dont think schools or nurseries have any right to tell teachers who they can associate with. Its not great behaviour on her part, but cant see it being a sackable offence.

Yeah, OP. How dare you hope to not have to choose between disrupting your child's life even more than has happened already vs seeing the women who your husband had an affair with every day.

I doubt she will be sacked and I suspect you will have to move nurseries but, by God, it's a shit hand to have been dealt and I don't think a little compassion for you would be too misplaced to be honest.

I hope you get through this and I hope you go on to bigger happiness in your future.

Is he in a relationship with her now?

Of course they did not send a report out to other parents, is that even a serious question?

Yes, it is reasonable that OP doesn't want to see this woman on a daily business - but you think the teacher should lose her job just so that doesn't happen??

Unfortunately OP has only two options - she either moves her child or she tries to stay out of the way of the teacher as much as possible. Neither of those is as major an issue as losing a job. People have been in the position of having to occasionally see someone their other half has had an affair with as long as time, unless they remove themselves they just have to deal with it. Is that fair, no, but unfortunately that is life.

@Janetime ok why don't you tell me what 'a report was sent out' means. Seeing as you think it was such a stupid question of me to ask the OP to clarify.

In the vast majority of cases, that mistake isn't initiating a relationship and then sleeping with the married spouse of a client. Frankly, that teacher should be feeling a bit unsure of her job, since most workplaces and schools especially expect their employees to conform to basic ethical standards, and not to bring the organization into disrepute.

I have no idea who the report was sent to. Possibly management. But no one would send it to the other parents. Good lord. What a thought. Both people are due confidentiality. You don’t send reports saying two people were shagging to everyone.