Interview that left me feeling uncomfortable.

[Islandblue99]

Just that really- I’m not sure anyone can reassure me but (i’m not really young or cool enough to be using this word) it left me with a feeling of “ick”.

Some of you may have seen an earlier post of mine- I’m currently being pushed out of my job so I have a solicitor involved.

I’m frantically searching for jobs in a very quiet job market. I had my first interview for this job and the feedback was that they were thrilled with me. They asked for a second interview to meet another manager and it felt like a very cold reception. She asked at one point if I’d just given a specific answer because the recruiter had coached me to say that (which he hadn’t).

The next step for this process is to travel quite a distance at quite an expense for an in-person interview.

I have interviews set up with two other companies (one is a second interview and one is a first). I have no guarantee, obviously, that any will make an offer but if this company asks me to do the third interview should I go? If it wasn’t for the feeling of desperation and panic I wouldn’t be considering this job.

I have savings to sustain me for about 9 months (although It was hard work saving that and I hadn’t envisioned spending it on survival) but I’m an anxious person and being unemployed is not the best option for me.

I would go and keep an open mind. Think of it as interview practise.

That was an aggressive thing for her to say. Would you have to work with her?

@MILTOBE that’s what I thought…and she’d be my manager. It took me aback a bit.

Maybe my snobbishness is playing in to this a bit- they’re a very small company and are lacking my skill set. I have a lot of experience and have worked for some well known companies in senior roles. The interview centred around me having to prove that I really wanted the job, I felt I was being spoken down to and she seemed to be trying to catch me out.

I would also give detailed answers and then would be asked a question where I’d just provided the answer. Maybe they are just inexperienced interviewers?? The questions sounded like the type google would throw up.

I'm gonna be honest.

My current role I'm applying for I had an off vibe. Couldn't quite pin it down for my tb manager.

I posted on here and everyone said listen to your instinct but I talked to my family and they said ahh your being silly over thinking....
I accept the job.

And my instincts were spot on, I should have run a mile. Literally the worst place I have ever worked. My manager he's such a nightmare and then some.

Found out later on - they had to hire externally because the area I work in has such a bad rep they couldn't hire in internally for it even though it's paid very well.

I'm going against the grain here but personally go for an interview and see but my god keep your eyes open for red flags.

@livingnight i’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Are you planning to leave?

I had big red flags about someone and they’re the reason I’m having to leave my current role.

I’m interviewing for another job today but yesterday really knocked my confidence.

@Islandblue99 I know the market is shit rn ( there's job seeking support thread bouncing around)

Yes planning to escape. It was unfortunate because I went from one job which hot pan to what I can only describe as being boiled alive.

All I can say is that in an interview they are on their best behaviour, it only goes down hill if you see red flags that this stage. God I wish I had listened to MN and my gut !!

Obviously fairly privileged position to be in to turn down an interview but honestly in an interview you are interviewing them as well.

How this person has been acting and your current boss is a reflection of them not of you (try to remember that) and also the simple face people leave bosses not usually jobs.

Chin up you will get there

My gut tells me she has a mate or relative she wants to employ. I've only worked permanently for a small company once (temped for lots in my uni days and early 20s) and it was bloody awful.

The ones I worked for mostly didn't know the law and in many cases got away with things larger companies wouldn't because of their size.

If she's going to be your direct manager how would you feel having to deal with her on a daily basis? I just wonder if she wouldn't end throwing you under a bus....

They could have just watched too much of the apprentice

I am in a similar position. Very small company, I did some work with them last year and was planning more but started to get uncomfortable vibes that are a bit difficult to pinpoint but seem to be around unclear communication (eg re pay, processes, expectations, plans), last minute additions to workload, most staff complaining of burnout, late evening emails. The role development options initially discussed are not possible within the current framework, and there is little scope for change.

Thanks all. I’ve gone over it in my head countless times since yesterday and I do think the issue was definitely her, not me.

The company approached me about the role but one question was ”so why do you want to work for us”. I could only refer to the things they’d told me about the role in the previous interview, one thing being a chance to work on projects where I would develop new skills- she responded (contrary to the last interview) that it was unlikely I’d be doing those things and they just needed me for my current expertise (but then contradicted herself by stating they actually had a number of those other projects they would need me to work on).

In the last interview they’d given me an introduction to the company, as they’re small and less well known than other companies, but this woman quizzed me on what I knew about the company. It felt awkward having to repeat back what they’d told me last time (which was also everything I’d read on their website).

I have a few hours before my interview with another company so I’m going to try to not let it affect me but i’ll also prep answers to some of the more awkward questions I was asked yesterday, just in case.

As you say, it sounds as if they are v. inexperienced interviewers, or maybe there's internal tension. Your first interviewers past you onto interview no 2 where she is recruiting her direct team, and she was trying to get some control over the process rather than trusting them/building on what they told her. Doesn't sound healthy either way.

Good luck today. It sounds as if you have the skills and experience to make you an asset in the workplace. Hoping that you find a company that makes you feel wanted/welcome/valued for what you can genuinely offer them. It's a win win situation and IME worth more than a higher salary, in the short/medium term at least.

Hopefully you will have a choice after today.

I don’t think asking why you want the role/ what you know about the company are unfair or bad questions.

BUT the interview is a two way process, and as much for you to see if you want the job as much as it is for them to see if you would fit.

Trust your gut if something was off. I interviewed last year for a role and instantly disliked the hiring manager. He was rude and just gave me the ick but I’m so competitive I wanted to get offered the job so did a second and third round interview. I’m so glad I didn’t get it because the company was crap. The partner turned up 30 mins late to the final interview so just added to the feeling of this isn’t the place.

PS good luck today!

I would go to all the interviews - it's good prep and often you learn something. And it means you have choices. Going to the third interview doesn't mean you have to accept the job.

It's entirely possible that there are internal politics going on you're unaware of. I had a similar experience once where first interview was amazing, big boss was clearly thrilled I was a potential candidate, rushed me in for a second interview..... which was odd. And I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Anyway, turned out, the big boss wanted to hire me. BUT, the original role was for someone to work for the second person. Except, I was more experienced and possibly more competent and big boss wanted to hire me to work "alongside" the other person.

Anyway, I wouldn't have taken it but luckily, they didn't offer. I think it got bogged down in the internal debates anyway. haha.

@GingerIsBest thank you.

I’ve heard back and I’ve been offered a third interview (which involves a 5 hour trip each way) but they want a 20 minute presentation from me (it’s not typical in my work to be asked to do this).

I’ve had my interview for the other company and it was very positive. He started off by telling me he loved my CV and he hoped he could persuade me to join the company. He seemed lovely and has asked me to meet the leaders for another interview (no presentation!) after which he hoped he could make me an offer.

I also have a second interview for another role next week. I’d prefer both of these roles over the other one but, obviously, neither have made me an offer yet.

I’m wondering whether to say I’ll do the trip next month, do the others and use it as back up if the others don’t work out?

I also had an interview that made me uncomfortable. Accepted job as was fantastic job on paper. Worst decision I’ve ever made. It was yrs ago and I’m only over the trauma and stress now.

go w your gut

Mmm, I am NOT wild about the "do a presentation" as part of an interview technique so it does add another "Maybe not" to your list of concerns.

Are they offering to pay for this big trip to see them?

I think delaying a bit is an excellent idea and allows you to keep them sort of hanging while you prioritise other, better opportunities. "Thanks so much - I'd love to meet with you again but it does mean taking a whole day so I'm a bit concerned about scheduling. Could we do something in a couple of weeks?"

@GingerIsBest I used to work for a company who asked for presentations and it was just an exercise in “show us how much you want it”. It really puts me off the company so, yes, another red flag.

They are offering to pay but not for accommodation and they’ve stated they’d expect me to do the round trip plus the interview in one day (one very long day!).

the travel thing really depends on a few things I'd say. There is an argument that if you're applying for a role for a company that's 5 hours away, then you obviously have a reason and are not therefore bothered by the journey.

But yes, I tend to agree - they're not exactly making you feel the love are they? It does rather sound like they want you to prove how much you want to work there. Which is all very well and good if they have 500 applicants and you genuinely are desperate, but it doesn't sound like they do and you're not desperate so....

I’ve had to do presentations at job interviews but they were jobs that involved presentating/teaching part of the role so it seemed fair enough.
Honestly, I’ve had a few great interviews and a few awful ones and I’d say more of the time the bad ones are where they don’t want you and effectively try to put you off! I wouldn’t be jumping through yet another hoop of a third interview with all that expense for a small company. I’d only expect three interviews for something big!
Ask yourself how you’d feel if you got a call from them offering you the job now? Happy? Excited? Or is that pit in your stomach still there? I know it’s scary not to be in work but jumping to the wrong job can be worse than waiting longer for the right job.

Hi, OP -

If I understand correctly, you will be out time but not money if you agree to the third interview, because the company will pay expenses (as they should).

You are concerned about doing a presentation. If the job involves public communication or internal presentations this seems reasonable to me.

I have no worries on these grounds

However the vibe with your potential line manager is already a bit off. This is a big concern.

I hope that one of the other jobs will work out quickly, but they might not. I think you should do what you reasonably can to speed things up with your other possibilities and slow things down with the tricky one. But you can’t afford to dismiss the latter. Best wishes

Do not ignore your instincts. Years ago I was flown out business class long haul to interview for what seemed to be the opportunity of a lifetime. I interviewed with 5 different people and 2 (both women) asked me point blank why I wanted the job. Not in a “tell my how this fits in your career progression” way but more “why would you leave everything behind to come here” way.

One young woman about my age in particular seemed to almost be giving me a warning not to take the job which by then it was obvious would be offered to me.

However I told myself she was just a weirdo and maybe had wanted the role for herself as we both had similar profiles but would be working in different departments. As I say this was a career changing opportunity and anyone I mentioned the weird vibes to just told me she was jealous.

Fast forward three months I relocated country to start and suffered the worst year of my professional life, culminating in being signed off for stress and suing the organization for so many awful things including sexual harassment. My manager was basically a predator and the company protected him all the time despite a dossier of complaints.

The “weird” woman I interviewed with ended up being the only person honest with me at the organization and confirmed I wasn’t the first woman who’d been harassed by my then manager. In fact she’d transferred as she’d used to work for him. She was definitely trying to warn me at the interview, I wish I had listened to my sixth sense. Now if something feels off I trust myself.

Good luck on the job search!

I agree with everyone else... it not you, it's them! If you are not buzzing or feeling comfortable after an interview.... it's not the job for you.

Trust in the process.... you have some decent opportunities, the right job will reveal itself to you.

If it wasn’t for the feeling of desperation and panic I wouldn’t be considering this job.

That was all I needed to read. Give it a miss.

I did the frying-pan-to-fire thing a few years ago. I had some niggly feelings about the job I was accepting but I badly wanted out of where I was. It was a shit show. I handed in my notice there after four months. I'm somewhere much better now, but if I could go back I would listen to those feelings.

Oh I have been the weird girl in this situation.

Similar situation actually tbh but a nasty screamy type attitude that had caused the last 4 of his employees to quit within a few months one after another. The company did sweet FK all.

They found a women to replace the last one and I overheard the bosses cronies saying that "nasty boss" would hire her straight away because she was just his type regardless of her qualifications 🤢 she seemed nice and 20s and he was mid 50s.
Grim dynamics. Although that said we became firm friends at work and both escaped that circle of hell fire. She after a fairly awful incident. Still makes me rage thinking about tbh. Hr knew and it was a large company. So bloody grim.