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Difficult Manager

31 replies

haishark · 07/03/2024 08:49

Looking for some advice, will try to keep it short. For background, I started a new job a couple of months ago & having a few issues with my manager. Overall I like the company & would like to do what I can to make it a bit more manageable. Would like to know if this all seems quite normal I suppose as in previous jobs I've been given a lot more autonomy. It's an entry level role, there are three levels of qualification relating to the field & I've done the first now studying the next one up.

  • Manager asks me to run all work I do through her. She will then pick it apart about font, date layout etc (I will check previous drafts to check all is standardised etc). I just find it condescending when she speaks across the office about sending everything I do to her to check first. I do make the changes, and continue how she would like things done but she will find something else. Fwiw, it's very basic administrative work & something I have a couple of years experience in doing. This means I'm then being chased for things whilst I wait for her to give me the okay as she's very busy. This also includes the drafting of my emails, will asked to be copied in on everything that I do.
  • There's a large part of my job role she will not let me manage. I've had no issues with the output of the task but will ask that I only do it with her present so she can "check". She is extremely busy and just doesn't have the time which means I fall behind on it. Again, a very basic task which is mostly comprehension.
  • If I speak to other staff, she will often come and physically get inbetween us or speak over me. This also goes for if anyone asks any questions on my work, she will answer for me and speak over me.
  • Since joining, I was given the go ahead to make a few changes to the way we work as a department. It was chaotic when I started and I put a few processes in place to minimise this. My manager has taken credit for all of these. For example, I showed her a spreadsheet I was using to log the work (had been using it for a couple of weeks), she then emailed me asking that I set up a spreadsheet set up exactly like the one I'd done. Some of my changes have been commented on my highest ups including her manager and the director and she will take credit for coming up with my solutions.
  • She's not got a great relationship with her own manager and if she sees me speaking to them will quiz me on what was said & tell me to be careful of them. I wasn't at my desk for around 10 minutes last week as got caught speaking to her manager in the hall, she had come to find me and told me off about me disappearing. She also on my first day looked me in the eye, pointing, telling me not to gossip as she will find out.
  • My manager is trying to put me off doing the next qualification saying it is "too difficult" for my level and I'll be "setting myself up to fail". Her manager, however, has asked out of the blue whether I'd like to do it as she'd be willing to pay and wants to "invest" in me. For what it's worth, this is the highest one my manager has.
  • will often say refer to me as "her PA" or "just an admin". Nothing wrong with PAs or administrators but it's not my job title and it'd like to progress.
  • I'm often asked to do things that are incorrect, morally and legally. The ramifications of this could be large fines. I never challenge her publicly on this. I often go down the route of posing it as a question and learning opportunity for myself and show her the law or guidance on it or say in the past this is how I have dealt with this problem. She will stand her ground so I'll do the work and ask for it to be signed off. None of this requires any particular expertise, it's common sense and taught very early in your career.
  • The role is a lot more junior than advertised, my manager is doing things way below her pay grade.

Her own manager has warned me to be careful of jealousy as I progress and commented on the fact my manager "isn't sure in what she's doing" which affects what I learn from her.

I'm aware of my manager being undermined which must be an unfair situation for her and may be why she's keeping me on such a short leash.

Writing all this down makes me think I need to get out asap but it's convenient and the work/life balance is good.

Does anyone have any advice on how best to manage this? I want to stay on my manager's good side and not rock the boat but finding it difficult to compromise on my own values.

OP posts:
Tel12 · 07/03/2024 09:00

Well I guess that you have 2 choices, comply or leave. The job is not what was advertised and it sounds like the people aren't great either. You could do a list of pros and cons to clarify your thoughts. If you stay just send her everything and if you get behind then you have a valid reason. You could try befriending her, she's obviously insecure and with good reason it would seem. Find something positive to say to her, about her work or whatever. If you mention anything about her to colleagues make sure it's positive.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 07/03/2024 10:00

Micromanaging, toxic office politics and your manager is actively unsupportive of you and is not only trying to keep you in a role that sounds way below your capabilities, she's actively trying to put you off from progressing and is telling people in the company that you're of less status than you are (the 'just' an admin would really annoy me, and I've been one).

The role is a lot more junior than advertised

And I bet the salary reflects that. So potentially you're being underpaid for what you do, which if and when you decide to move, will have an effect on how you negotiate salary.

I'm often asked to do things that are incorrect, morally and legally. The ramifications of this could be large fines

This one I'd be getting out for, never mind the rest. Sounds to me like you have a manager who is a) incompetent b) sloppy and unprofessional and c) will throw you under the bus without hesitation the day it all goes tits up ('oh sorry, Mr Regulator, it was the admin who messed up, she's not really up to the job.')

Me - I'd be out so fast you'd see the smoke. Exjob had some lovely people in it and I was sorry to leave them, but the department I was in was toxic. This one sounds even worse. Effectively you're doing her job for her and not even getting paid for it.

haishark · 07/03/2024 13:41

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain

Yes not sure the culture is conducive to my mental health to be honest.

Could you explain what you mean about how it would effect how I negotiate salary when I move on? Do you mean in terms of being more aware?

Thank you for your response.

I do think she is a little incompetent which has been noticed. She would also definitely throw me under the bus if it all came to light, hence the email trail.

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 07/03/2024 16:46

If you are earning (say) £ 25k at this job and you go for one in line with your experience and qualifications at (say) £ 40k then you've a big gap and some employers would want to know why you think you're worth the jump and you have to shine at interview and negotiation to prove you're worth it. Whereas if you're on £ 35K at current job it's not so much of a leap. Of course you can always say 'I found out I was significantly underpaid for my grade and responsibilities.'

Bananachip2023 · 08/03/2024 02:03

Sounds so much like my current manager. Only that my current manager lets other junior staff present my work as theirs. She is very insecure and makes me look more junior than I am. I am also considering getting out but haven’t found another job yet. Getting out with no other job lined up would be an option but not sure when.

haishark · 08/03/2024 07:14

Sorry to hear this @Bananachip2023 , it sounds as though she's threatened.

Is there anything you've done to make it a bit more manageable in the meantime?

OP posts:
haishark · 08/03/2024 07:19

Feels threatened, sorry!

OP posts:
NineToFiveish · 08/03/2024 07:25

You can't fix this, and you'll potentially get flattened by it. Just get out.

I was in a similar situation and was pushed before I could jump (unexpectedly made redundant 6 months after joining!!) and apart from being jobless I'm not sorry I'm gone. Leave them to stew in the toxic culture.

Justmuddlingalong · 08/03/2024 07:27

I think toxicity in the workplace breeds more toxicity.
You have to either fall into line to be accepted, therefore becoming part of the problem or move elsewhere.

Bananachip2023 · 08/03/2024 07:47

@haishark I haven’t done anything yet, I don’t really think talking to her about it will help. Same as you, I don’t want to rock the boat but don’t want to be walked over also.

AmandaHoldensLips · 08/03/2024 08:16

She sounds jealous and insecure, and clearly doesn't want you to progress.

If you want to stay in the job, then you need to learn how to compartmentalise her in your mind. Practice mental detachment from her.

Do not let her talk down to you. This is tantamount to workplace bullying. If she speaks to you badly (whether in front of other colleagues or not), stand your ground and say, "please don't speak to me like that. It's disrespectful and unprofessional." Then walk away.

Keep a log of your interactions.

Do not share your methods or working practices with her.

Continue to nurture your relationships with the other managers.

I'll bet that everybody at the company knows she's a difficult pain in the arse.

haishark · 08/03/2024 19:07

Thank you for all your responses.

I guess my concerns are that I'll have my probation failed and be without a job if I challenge too much or rock the boat.

I'be built relationships with other managers and colleagues and seem well liked, as mentioned by a PP though you tend to get sucked in to the toxicity of it all. Conversations will centre around her not being able to do her job and losing it (not explicitly but jibes).

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 08/03/2024 19:13

Keep your head down, complete your probation and look for another job. This is a toxic environment and it will pull you down. This is grade A micromanaging - I've suffered from it too, trust me! - and it will make you miserable and damage your mental health.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 08/03/2024 19:25

I'be built relationships with other managers and colleagues and seem well liked, as mentioned by a PP though you tend to get sucked in to the toxicity of it all. Conversations will centre around her not being able to do her job and losing it (not explicitly but jibes)

Looks like the toxicity is company wide if colleagues are making jibes about her not being abe to do her job and losing it. Sounds like a nasty circle - she's bad at her job, colleagues joke about it, she knows and she ramps her behaviour up. Do the probation but start job hunting, temp if you can; because one day those comments could be about you.

Orangello · 08/03/2024 19:57

you need to leave. Or change managers. This type of controlling sabotaging micromanager will kill you. Honestly, in 6 months you won't even dare to answer what your name is without consulting with her.

housingplanningquestion · 08/03/2024 22:55

It sounds like the next manager up is aware that your manager is problematic. They may even be trying to manage her out behind the scenes. And they like you and want you to stick around.

Before you leave I'd have a chat with the next manager up and ask about your prospects in the company, can you be deployed elsewhere, or what your career path could be (ie how long do you have to work with difficult manager before you can move ahead).

Charliec12 · 15/03/2024 19:52

I am going through similar at work apart from I have been at my current role a year and a half. The company decided to change my manager to a poor one earlier this year. She changes lots of my letters but not only that today she has started telling me I should put alternative words in personal emails and things like that. I stuck up to her today and also spoke to HR. They saw the emails she had sent me and feel I am not in the wrong. I plan to keep batting her back but equally this is making me a bit down. I do generally enjoy my job though and love the company. It is tough. How are things for you now?

haishark · 15/03/2024 20:42

Hi @Charliec12

It's very demoralising isn't it? I'm sorry it's this way for you. What is the problem she's got with your letters & emails? Just wants you to use alternative words or? X

Is she like this with other aspects of your work? I believe it boils down to having control.

Mine had actually got worse also, I don't have any emails as we are in the same office so it's good that you do.

OP posts:
haishark · 15/03/2024 20:44

This is how I feel! @Orangello I notify her that I'm popping to the loo!

OP posts:
Charliec12 · 15/03/2024 21:50

haishark · 15/03/2024 20:42

Hi @Charliec12

It's very demoralising isn't it? I'm sorry it's this way for you. What is the problem she's got with your letters & emails? Just wants you to use alternative words or? X

Is she like this with other aspects of your work? I believe it boils down to having control.

Mine had actually got worse also, I don't have any emails as we are in the same office so it's good that you do.

She went to writing school and everything has to be perfect. I get that with letters to customers more but not personal emails I send to staff. It is getting me down to be honest I have only had her as my manager since the start of the year.

No it is the things I write she is like it about.

Have you told your manager about how she is making you feel?

HR said that would be a good idea for me to do if it carries on.

Runnerinthenight · 16/03/2024 00:50

Charliec12 · 15/03/2024 21:50

She went to writing school and everything has to be perfect. I get that with letters to customers more but not personal emails I send to staff. It is getting me down to be honest I have only had her as my manager since the start of the year.

No it is the things I write she is like it about.

Have you told your manager about how she is making you feel?

HR said that would be a good idea for me to do if it carries on.

Writing school my ass!!

My last crap manager (and I have had a few!!) insisted I sent every letter and every report I wrote to her, and they always came back covered in red ink!!!

Now I might add that I am a joint honours graduate, and half of my degree is English, and I'm professionally qualified in my field plus have a relevant Masters degree.... while she has a solitary A level, in Maths....

Go figure!!

Orangello · 16/03/2024 10:46

We have one very high level manager who will send his team's email back with grammar and spelling corrections. Of course easier to do that than to deal with their actual issues in those emails..

Charliec12 · 16/03/2024 16:26

Orangello · 16/03/2024 10:46

We have one very high level manager who will send his team's email back with grammar and spelling corrections. Of course easier to do that than to deal with their actual issues in those emails..

It sounds like he would get on well with my manager then 😁

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 16/03/2024 16:28

Orangello · 16/03/2024 10:46

We have one very high level manager who will send his team's email back with grammar and spelling corrections. Of course easier to do that than to deal with their actual issues in those emails..

I had one of those (pre computers and word processors) so everything he changed (and they were TINY details) had to be done again. It was a power play to show who was in charge.

vhx · 19/03/2024 09:08

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain

I think it must be a power thing

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