Difficult Manager

[haishark]

Looking for some advice, will try to keep it short. For background, I started a new job a couple of months ago & having a few issues with my manager. Overall I like the company & would like to do what I can to make it a bit more manageable. Would like to know if this all seems quite normal I suppose as in previous jobs I've been given a lot more autonomy. It's an entry level role, there are three levels of qualification relating to the field & I've done the first now studying the next one up.

• Manager asks me to run all work I do through her. She will then pick it apart about font, date layout etc (I will check previous drafts to check all is standardised etc). I just find it condescending when she speaks across the office about sending everything I do to her to check first. I do make the changes, and continue how she would like things done but she will find something else. Fwiw, it's very basic administrative work & something I have a couple of years experience in doing. This means I'm then being chased for things whilst I wait for her to give me the okay as she's very busy. This also includes the drafting of my emails, will asked to be copied in on everything that I do.

• There's a large part of my job role she will not let me manage. I've had no issues with the output of the task but will ask that I only do it with her present so she can "check". She is extremely busy and just doesn't have the time which means I fall behind on it. Again, a very basic task which is mostly comprehension.

• If I speak to other staff, she will often come and physically get inbetween us or speak over me. This also goes for if anyone asks any questions on my work, she will answer for me and speak over me.

• Since joining, I was given the go ahead to make a few changes to the way we work as a department. It was chaotic when I started and I put a few processes in place to minimise this. My manager has taken credit for all of these. For example, I showed her a spreadsheet I was using to log the work (had been using it for a couple of weeks), she then emailed me asking that I set up a spreadsheet set up exactly like the one I'd done. Some of my changes have been commented on my highest ups including her manager and the director and she will take credit for coming up with my solutions.

• She's not got a great relationship with her own manager and if she sees me speaking to them will quiz me on what was said & tell me to be careful of them. I wasn't at my desk for around 10 minutes last week as got caught speaking to her manager in the hall, she had come to find me and told me off about me disappearing. She also on my first day looked me in the eye, pointing, telling me not to gossip as she will find out.

• My manager is trying to put me off doing the next qualification saying it is "too difficult" for my level and I'll be "setting myself up to fail". Her manager, however, has asked out of the blue whether I'd like to do it as she'd be willing to pay and wants to "invest" in me. For what it's worth, this is the highest one my manager has.

• will often say refer to me as "her PA" or "just an admin". Nothing wrong with PAs or administrators but it's not my job title and it'd like to progress.

• I'm often asked to do things that are incorrect, morally and legally. The ramifications of this could be large fines. I never challenge her publicly on this. I often go down the route of posing it as a question and learning opportunity for myself and show her the law or guidance on it or say in the past this is how I have dealt with this problem. She will stand her ground so I'll do the work and ask for it to be signed off. None of this requires any particular expertise, it's common sense and taught very early in your career.

• The role is a lot more junior than advertised, my manager is doing things way below her pay grade.

Her own manager has warned me to be careful of jealousy as I progress and commented on the fact my manager "isn't sure in what she's doing" which affects what I learn from her.

I'm aware of my manager being undermined which must be an unfair situation for her and may be why she's keeping me on such a short leash.

Writing all this down makes me think I need to get out asap but it's convenient and the work/life balance is good.

Does anyone have any advice on how best to manage this? I want to stay on my manager's good side and not rock the boat but finding it difficult to compromise on my own values.

Things are much better for me now. I told her how she was making me feel and she backed off. I decided to start taking things with a pinch of salt and that massively helped me. Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Glad to hear it. I tried many times with mine and it made absolutely no difference. I now have a brilliant manager who supports and trusts her staff, and it is day and night different! I think she's a bit fed up already so I am afraid she won't stay... Overall team manager is a weapon and has recently come back to work after 2/3 months off. She didn't send an email to say she was back, thanks for looking after the shop, oh no. She sent a peremptory email demanding that she should have access to all our Outlook calendars.

There are 2 grades within our team, and because she can't stand me and wouldn't promote me, I'm on the lower grade. We decided it would be helpful for us to meet as a group (the other grade does and when I first suggested it, team manager said it was a good idea). However, one of the more senior grades was sent to manage it!! We didn't need or want that!

So a couple of us resurrected it recently. We have several new staff and it's a chance to get to know them, and discuss our work, bounce ideas off each other. We have met a couple of times and had a time in the calendar last week, only for it to get bounced by a whole team meeting. I have it on good authority that this was deliberate. Only for it to be cancelled at the last minute because the team hadn't come up with agenda items! Our last team meeting was sometime last year, and this handsomely paid manager couldn't come up with her own agenda!

Message earlier from our direct manager that we have to put everything we are doing in our Outlook calendar. I don't care - I just make it up. But more control all over again. I know it didn't come from my manager!

I just don't understand how these idiots get into positions where they can use their power to abuse people!

I just don't understand how these idiots get into positions where they can use their power to abuse people!

I've come to the conclusion that a lot of managers aren't promoted because they're good at managing, but because it's a logical next step in their career trajectory and it's expected that everyone wants to be a manager. I don't - my brush with it was enough to convince me - and I'm happy to stay where I am. But in a lot of companies that's seen as a lack of ambition and commitment.

@haishark I've seen this happen a lot. You have several ways of dealing with it, but the main ones that spring to mind are:

1. See if you can tough it out until after your probation. Take everything on offer regarding further qualifications as it will lock you in. The time to challenge your manager about all this is during your end of year review which is also about feedback to your manager. At this point, I would start with something like "I've found this period quite challenging, not because of the type of work, but for these reasons" then list everything your manager does, mention that you feel this is inhibiting you from delivering best value and ask whether there might be alternate ways of working that would be more harmonious and beneficial to both of you.
2. Probation works both ways. When you get to the end of yours, say "this isn't working for me" and walk away.
3. Start looking for another job.

Sadly, I have rarely seen option 1 work out as it sounds like your manager is insecure. On odd occasions it has stopped them in their tracks and solved problems to some extent. Realistically, I think some combination of 2 and 3 are your best bet depending on how fast you can land something else. If this continues it will eat you, and other jobs are available.

I've come to the conclusion that a lot of managers aren't promoted because they're good at managing, but because it's a logical next step in their career

That. And it's just utterly stupid. Good technical skills and good management skills are 2 totally different skillsets, and being great in one does not translate to other. And the people who have good technical skills but 0 management skills become those horrible abusive micromanaging useless managers, because they simply don't know what they are supposed to be doing.

It's called being promoted to their natural level of incompetence. Happens all the time.