Being signed off sick, then resigning.

[HerbalTeal]

Has anyone done this?

I genuinely think I’m on the verge of a breakdown. Saw my doctor last week who said she would sign me off work immediately. Haven’t though, as the thought of going back is worse than a break.

Good advice.

I agree with the poster above. It is horrifying and heartbreaking to hear that a year on from your posts where you sounded completely at the end of your tether you are still there!

However, if you agreed a YEAR ago with your DH that you could leave if needed, then bluntly you are not stuck. You are just so far down a silo of stress and anxiety that you can't see the wood for the trees. Right now, you are holding on for a hypothetical maternity package which ironically and sadly you may never benefit from because the means to qualify for this benefit is actually reducing your chances of success.

I'm so sorry that you had a miscarriage last year, hopefully you may become pregnant again but if you are this stressed about work, how are you going to enjoy your maternity leave with a return looming at the end and how are you going to function on your return as a mother with additional priorities?

It sounds as if financially you would be ok leaving so can you make a plan to hold on for end of this month for your bonus, then put that aside to support you on leave and save for the next few months while in your notice period (assuming you probably have a notice period of about 3 months?) Take some time out, see what happens with a pregnancy, look for another role in the meantime? Alternatively go back to the doctor, get signed off and just never go back. No maternity package, no matter how gold-plated, can be worth this.

I’ve gone from managing a team of 3 to a team of 20 in a totally different role that I neither wanted or am equipped to do. It’s the most toxic pressured place and I cannot believe I ruined my life to take this job. But due to the mat thing I’m stuck. I’m 42 so real last chance saloon days of getting pregnant. What a mess eh.

But you can leave OP you are in charge here the only thing stopping you is you.

Thanks for the updates. There are so many stories here on Mumsnet when a woman has left a toxic stressful workplace and suddenly been able to become pregnant.

Maybe sit down with someone not your OH to discuss your longer term future plans.

Hello All, OP here again, 43 now, not pregnant, dawning realisation have much I’ve fucked up my life taking this job in the first place and also causing me to question every decision I’ve made in my life. I’m being sick before work now (defo not morning sickness), and feel like I want to leave the house and just keep walking. I know I need to resign.

my question is am I better to speak to my boss and do it, or just go off sick first. If I resign and then go off sick at some point am I losing any right to paid sick leave?

When my children were young, about 20 years ago, I went to see my business partner to discuss leaving (we were self employed, so it was a different process).

He said he'd talk to me about it and accept I wanted to but NOT until I'd seen a doctor and had a break. He made me leave the office that day once I'd closed off some loose ends and he took over for a while.

I was given medication but didn't get on with it, so stopped quite soon. It didn't do me any harm but I understand now I probably should have seen it through as it takes a while to work.

The break did me the world of good, and some clarity. I went back after 3 weeks and stayed until both he and I retired together in 2020.

All the best. Sometimes life feels overwhelming. Take care. x

A colleague did this. It was very sad and hard. It also meant the issue that was stressing her wasn’t addressed. She got a payout from the employer supported by her union.

I have medication from the doctor, but not taken it, I can’t face the period of feeling worse before better as I feel like I’m clinging on by a thread now. When I’m out places eg at the gym, I think if I lay down here just lay down and stopped what would happen? Would someone help? That’s not normal is it?

sounds like you had a supportive business partner @Navigatinglife100 - I’m not sure I have that here. I know my name would be mud within days.

Op I’m so sorry you’re still finding yourself in this position.
please sign yourself off for the 7 self-certifying days then get a gp sick note to buy yourself some time to recover and decide what you want to do.
i know what it’s like to feel trapped in a job that’s draining me. It’s taken me a long time to decide to move, but I’m now taking steps to go and just having made those steps has made me feel so much better.
you only have one life OP, don’t waste it working there.

I don't think resigning changes your entitlement to sick pay unless you have a very unusual contract. Take some time off sick and use that time to see if medication helps. But if you're being made sick by a toxic workplace, leaving will be the only thing that helps.

I got out of a toxic workplace as soon as I could and watching my friends who were still there be damaged by it was horrendous. I helped lots of them leave after I had, and the transformation in them once they were somewhere else was genuinely extraordinary. It might take time and it might not be easy, but you only have one life. It will be worth it.

Take time off sick but don't resign straight away. Take a month or two to sleep and recover and sort out your CV. Start applying for new jobs and then resign.

I think there's a big difference between thinking and acting.

I used to swim. I'm a pretty good swimmer and swim the strokes normally, so I spend more time under the water than above. I felt a sort of quietness, silence if you like, when I was under the water and used to think wouldn't it be lovely to feel like that all the time. BUT I didn't think or go further.

It's more that we want some quiet in our lives and as yours is the gym and mine was swimming, I do wonder if we are also at that point being affected by the endorphins and stuff exercise produces.

Yes, my business partner was supportive. I sadly had to do the same for him when he had a cancer diagnosis 15 years later. Surviving that is why he wanted to retire and I didn't want to work with anyone else so closely self employed, so I did too.

Medication didn't make me feel worse before I felt better, although I did have some side effects (e.g. dry mouth) but they passed. What it did was get me to a place where I could get myself to therapy and exercise within about 3 weeks. You sound like you're at the end of your tether. I would get signed off. And then you can resign in a few weeks time. I suspect that the things like your name being mud etc are not as bad as you think right now that they are. But even if that is true, it doesn't matter, because you cannot go on like this. For me, the day I got signed off was when I started crying in the shower at 8am and when I was still crying at 11 I realised that I needed to call time. I then did absolutely nothing at all for the first couple of weeks after stopping work and it was awful but it's what I needed, I just ground to a halt. It took me a long time to recover. But I did. I feel totally different now and am embarking on a new career.

Call in sick. Start the medication. Get an appointment with your GP and get signed off. Then go to bed, or go to a park and sit on a bench. Or whatever you can manage. That's ALL you need to do this week. Then next week, decide whether to resign or put it off for another week.

Nothing to stop you going off sick, taking whatever sick pay entitlement you have under your contract and then resigning so that pay and contract terminates at the same time.

Please sign yourself off sick and resign. Extend your sickness until your notice

Agree with this.

Op this thread is so tragic. I’ve been there with work stress, but not the fertility issues and miscarriages.

Does your manager not even notice how bad things are? Have you mentioned it? I wouldn’t be screaming between calls I’d be screaming in my manager’s office.

You are ruining your life and for what? All I see is a company that doesn’t notice or care; a reputation amongst people who have not earned your respect.

You are worth so much more than this, and so is your marriage to your dh who must be desperately worried about you.

Take the time off sick now, and then resign and stay off sick.

I was signed off work earlier this year with stress after never having time off in ten years and I didn't go back.

Work was a big factor in me having a complete breakdown and needing to go off sick. Please go off sick now before you get even worse and please see your GP.

In your situation I would continue to get signed off for as long as you can and lodge a grievance with hr. No job is worth destroying your health. Start job hunting when you have had time to recover.

Taking time off, being prescribed antidepressant & receiving counselling really helped me.

I ended up filing an official grievance with hr for bullying and discrimination and I am finally leaving my toxic job.

Op you shouldn’t make any big decisions whilst in this state of mind. Get signed off sick, allow yourself some time to rest, reflect, heal.. and then you can make decisions. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m amazed you have stuck it out for so long but you need to put yourself first now.

Your health is your wealth. No job is worth being sick for. Please take some time off. You haven't failed - it's called self care.xx

Don’t waste any more time there. You need to prioritise a plan to leave!

I was 42 and went off sick from my stressful job where they had completely changed my role to something that didn’t interest me and that wasn’t really my skill set, so every day was a massive struggle.

I got signed off for 2 months in total by my lovely GP and had a holiday abroad and bizarrely I got pregnant during that time.

I then sought advice from an employment solicitor and I told work I’d be suing them for constructive unfair dismissal. I negotiated with the help of the solicitor a years severance pay and a good reference. I also qualified for maternity pay (!!).

Completely changed career afterwards and 15 years later have not regretted it for a minute.

Even more bizarre is that both of my shitty managers left within 5 years of me going and one of them also tried to sue the company for constructive unfair dismissal. I heard about this on the grapevine as I didn’t keep in touch with any of my immediate colleagues.

You need space to think.
Go on sick leave. Rest and re-find you.

This job is draining you and you deserve better. Don't worry about what work think, they aren't caring about you.

Please get put. Rest then start planning the rest of your career/life (away from this toxic place).

Youu won’t get benefits for five months if you resign from a job. So you should go off sick.

Take the meds. They could change your life. Youu won’t feel any worse than youu currently feel. You need sick leave. Youve tried it your way. Now try it our way. give yourself a break. Youu Cant go on like this.

I’m so so sorry to see your update OP. Please get a sick note & hand in your notice, life is honestly too short to be in a job that is making you unwell.

I really feel for you, OP. I had a breakdown due to work (it became a toxic place) and got signed off and never went back. It was only when I was signed off that I realised the toll that my body had been under. I started sleeping better, my periods restarted, my hair stopped falling out. I was shocked at how I had let it get to that point. I kept hanging on because I was earning a good salary. I now work part time and earn a fraction of what I used to but am so much healthier. Please, look after yourself. No job is worth affecting your health for.