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Original poster

Made a terrible impression - how to improve from here?

27 replies

coldmilled · 08/02/2024 22:29

I started a new job 3 weeks ago. Leading a team that has not had a leader in post for 2 years. One of the team was acting up in my role (but didn’t apply for the perm position).

I’ve had a difficult personal time coinciding with the start of this job - tween dc mentally ill, elderly parents in crisis, one cold after another.

I’ve not made a good impression on my team. They’re all a bit meh about me. Don’t respond to emails, don’t want to engage. I don’t blame them - they’ve been unmanaged for years, and I’m quite frankly an uninspiring and tired person right now. This is a sideways move so I don’t have much of a reputation in this sector. Having said that, there’s no particularly bad blood and everyone is polite to each other.

What can I do to start to lead? I wish I could go back and start again but I can’t. We have a team meeting tomorrow and I want to say “sorry I’ve been so crap! Shall we start again?!” But that would obviously be shit

OP posts:
Notevenslightlydamp · 08/02/2024 22:32

Why would that be shit? If it's been that bad a start, I think briefly acknowledging that, drawing a line and then sharing your vision for how things will move on is far better than ignoring it and doing a 180 with no warning or explanation.

olympicsrock · 08/02/2024 22:38

I think it would be ok to say - I’m so sorry I’ve had a difficult few weeks personally but I’d like to draw a line and move forward.
I was at a meeting with a new team leader where everyone was invited to say one thing the team did well and one thing they would like to improve. It allowed people to speak freely , it got things out in the open , there were some good ideas etc. the new manager then offered 1-1s with everyone to hear their views.

It’s easy to listen !

tinkerbellvspredator · 08/02/2024 22:42

You dont need to do it all in one fell swoop. Maybe do a session on mental health and wellbeing - talk about how it can be more difficult in the winter. SAD, etc, being open about your recent challenges and what you do to support your wellbeing, and have a discussion about support for their and others wellbeing. Make a focus about wanting to build a supportive team where you can all help each other to succeed. Another team meeting you could do a team charter about what they like about the team, what they might want to change. Get to know them and vice versa. You can start throwing in things to try and be a more inspiring leader too but you need to be your real self.

fishfingersandtoes · 08/02/2024 22:42

As above but bring pastries as well

Original poster
coldmilled · 08/02/2024 22:48

Notevenslightlydamp · 08/02/2024 22:32

Why would that be shit? If it's been that bad a start, I think briefly acknowledging that, drawing a line and then sharing your vision for how things will move on is far better than ignoring it and doing a 180 with no warning or explanation.

youre right - although this makes me realise that I don’t really have a vision! I’m too tired and to be honest I just want to get my head down, but I know I need to bring some energy and vision somehow

OP posts:
passiveconstellation · 08/02/2024 22:50

I think you might be overthinking it and maybe need to reset your expectations.

Even if you'd made history's most flawless start, you weren't going to transform 2 years of engrained habits, relationships and culture in 3 weeks! That's not realistic.

It will be a gradual process that starts with you building relationships with them.

passiveconstellation · 08/02/2024 22:53

What's the agenda for the team meeting tomorrow?

I'd be inclined to just focus on running a constructive and effective meeting, because that's one first step in the right direction if the team has drifted into dysfunctional habits.

waffleyversatile1 · 08/02/2024 22:54

passiveconstellation · 08/02/2024 22:50

I think you might be overthinking it and maybe need to reset your expectations.

Even if you'd made history's most flawless start, you weren't going to transform 2 years of engrained habits, relationships and culture in 3 weeks! That's not realistic.

It will be a gradual process that starts with you building relationships with them.

I agree with this. You need to put a different spin on this. They probably would have hated you going in all guns blazing. I think as a new manager in a team it's important to quietly observe. Tell them that's what you've been doing and what your observations are ? They will only know what you let them know.

LondonLovie · 08/02/2024 22:56

3 weeks? Being a leader is about building trust, creating culture and motivating your team. I am not sure how anyone can do that in three weeks.

Have you had 121s with everyone, looked at their objectives and development plans and asked their views on culture and strategic priorities and their goals? I would always do this in the first month of a new role, and at the same time set out what I expected of team members and agree ways of working. You can't go through the storming, norming performing until you have done forming!

Original poster
coldmilled · 08/02/2024 22:58

Ok thanks, yes - am definitely overthinking and probably ruminating a bit. I do feel permanently on the back foot. But thank you, such great advice on this thread: focus on relationships, listening, support.

OP posts:
Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 08/02/2024 22:58

You don't need a vision yet, not until you really understand the place and the people.

The last thing your team wants is someone coming in acting like they know better, and changing everything.

I agree with acknowledging what was happening and starting afresh. Then talk, talk, talk... ask a million questions, and really listen. As you start to take it all in, a few ideas will start to bubble up but recognise that these people are still the experts in what they do and what improvements are needed.

Bring everyone together and set the vision as a team - they'll be more committed to it that way.

Rufilla · 08/02/2024 22:59

Are you sure it’s as bad as you think? Three weeks is nothing in a new job; unless you’ve made some terrible gaffe or caused a disaster, which you don’t mention, it’s not even long enough for you to have formed any patterns or behaviours you need to reverse imo. And anyone with any intelligence and empathy is going to understand having colds makes it far harder. Finally, it doesn’t sound like your team are doing their bit. I would be wary about showing vulnerability in front of people who can’t even do a new manager the courtesy of responding to their emails. Hopefully, this is because they just aren’t used to having someone in your role, but you don’t actually know them enough yet. I’d be very cautious about seeming too apologetic or lacking confidence.

I think the advice above about talking to them about what you can ALL do as a team to work together successful and also about MH is really good. I don’t think apologising, placating and putting pressure on yourself to do it all right is the way to go.

Boomboomshakeshaketheroom · 08/02/2024 22:59

I can see I have cross posted with a few others who feel the same way!

Original poster
coldmilled · 08/02/2024 22:59

LondonLovie · 08/02/2024 22:56

3 weeks? Being a leader is about building trust, creating culture and motivating your team. I am not sure how anyone can do that in three weeks.

Have you had 121s with everyone, looked at their objectives and development plans and asked their views on culture and strategic priorities and their goals? I would always do this in the first month of a new role, and at the same time set out what I expected of team members and agree ways of working. You can't go through the storming, norming performing until you have done forming!

I’ve done 121s but no one has any objectives and they don’t really want them. Everyone has their own timetable and I don’t know what’s happening when.

I think I need to take control and ask people to centralise information a bit more.

OP posts:
slipperypenguin · 08/02/2024 23:00

Definitely don't apologise. Think of your first month as fact finding - you don't need to go in all guns blazing trying to change the world - and honestly they probably wouldn't react well to that anyway. I think it's okay that you are just observing and fact finding at this stage and then in another week or two you can go back more informed and start to carve out what your vision and strategy for the team is.

Watchkeys · 08/02/2024 23:03

although this makes me realise that I don’t really have a vision

Get the team to help you build it, then. Ask them to contribute their ideas and grievances. Make it a 'get to know the team' meeting.

Why do you think you have to come storming in knowing exactly what to do?

Showmethebagels · 08/02/2024 23:06

I agree with not apologising, you do need to keep some distance if you’re the boss. A new manager came in to manage a team I was in once and held 1:1s with each of us in the first week. He kept them quite light but did ask what is the one thing that keeps you awake at night about your role. Quite effective although we were all managers so might not work if team quite junior!

Abouttimeforanamechange · 08/02/2024 23:08

But also set out some expectations about replying to e-mails and communicating about what they are doing. You might not want to seem overbearing, but you are there to manage, and this is basic stuff.

Watchkeys · 08/02/2024 23:13

@Showmethebagels

Quite effective although we were all managers so might not work if team quite junior

Why?

Showmethebagels · 08/02/2024 23:16

@Watchkeys because more junior staff less likely to be lying awake at night thinking about work

Redcar78 · 09/02/2024 04:23

I disagree with most posts tbh. You've been there 3 weeks, don't go in and start unloading your difficulties on them, that won't inspire your new team and instill trust in you 🤷‍♀️ set expectations and boundaries, they're not answering emails because it's never been expected so just tell them what you want to happen.

BritneyBookClubPresident · 09/02/2024 21:18

Why don't people have objectives? Is it a very small business or was this due to the lack of leadership until now?

SoFP · 09/02/2024 23:59

I wish our new manager was more like you. I’m exhausted from the demands and I’m the one with a struggling tween & teen. The best managers let their team get on with their jobs while listening and learning, before they start changing stuff. You have plenty of time to make a better impression.

HappiestSleeping · 10/02/2024 00:02

Are they all in the same location? If so, have you taken them to the pub yet? Works wonders. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Barleysugar86 · 10/02/2024 00:08

If you don't have one already, setting up a weekly team meeting is great for chatting through what everyone is working on.
Food treats at these/ starbucks coffees are always an easy win.
Or some kind of a team lunch might be a good way to start to break the ice.