Made a terrible impression - how to improve from here?

[coldmilled]

I started a new job 3 weeks ago. Leading a team that has not had a leader in post for 2 years. One of the team was acting up in my role (but didn’t apply for the perm position).

I’ve had a difficult personal time coinciding with the start of this job - tween dc mentally ill, elderly parents in crisis, one cold after another.

I’ve not made a good impression on my team. They’re all a bit meh about me. Don’t respond to emails, don’t want to engage. I don’t blame them - they’ve been unmanaged for years, and I’m quite frankly an uninspiring and tired person right now. This is a sideways move so I don’t have much of a reputation in this sector. Having said that, there’s no particularly bad blood and everyone is polite to each other.

What can I do to start to lead? I wish I could go back and start again but I can’t. We have a team meeting tomorrow and I want to say “sorry I’ve been so crap! Shall we start again?!” But that would obviously be shit

They don't get to choose, you're the manager here. They might not like it because objectives hold people to account, but if you set SMART ones, they can become a really motivational tool for people to know their direction of travel and have things to aim towards. Also as a team, you will be able to evidence in your own end of year review that you achieved xyz through your people, they did the work you led and inspired them so the whole team is successful.

one of the most important lessons I learned as a leader is that you aren't there to be popular, you're there to inspire and lead the team. Build trust and respect, which takes a lot longer than 3 weeks.

What can I do to start to lead? I wish I could go back and start again but I can’t. We have a team meeting tomorrow and I want to say “sorry I’ve been so crap! Shall we start again?!” But that would obviously be shit

Hopefully you didn't do this - 3 weeks in you don't need to apologise for your existence, remember that your team have their own life and struggles, this isn't about you. They will have forgotten what you said yesterday, let alone the past 3 weeks.

course-correct, have quarterly all team meetings in the office, set the agenda loosely around what your team needs to achieve, review what has been achieved, what routines will be in place, eg regular meetings, objective setting, culture and behaviours (get them to input into this -how we commit to behaving towards each other as a team, what are our values, things we care about).

Change your attitude pr at leat pretend to? If you're meh, then mo wonder they are too. They've probably been really looking forward to finally having a leader and are now feeling disappointed. It's your job to lead them, fake it, til you make it