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Original poster

DH wants to change career I’m unsure tell me it’s worked for you? Wfh to shifts

36 replies

Family9f6 · 07/02/2024 12:08

Hi I would love to get some outsiders views on career changes esp where one partner has been around a lot to then doing shift work

dp is currently a sales account manager wfh around pretty much all the time for the children. He’s a older father and wanted to always be involved in school runs/dinner times and home for the weekends.
basic wage before bonuses from sales is 30k but with a car and all petrol paid including leisure travel up to a certain amount of miles.

Hes suddenly decided he wants out of sales and spur of the moment applied for another job which he has now been offered. Shift work for a large rail company. However the pay is 24.5k rising gradually after 6 months in increments to about 34 or 37k it may have been.

one of 4 of our children is disabled and medically home tutored so I am home with them most of the time and we will have to move the other children schools as he won’t be able to do all of their school runs and it’s not walkable

I really don’t think he should take it at the moment.

No car
Change of preschools/nurserys
Drop in wages when everything is going up.

He isn’t happy though and wants a total job change

Has anyone been in a similar situation and it’s worked out? Or themselves been unhappy in a role so took a complete change?

OP posts:
ClockHolly · 07/02/2024 12:25

On the face it it, him moving jobs sounds completely crazy. I can’t see any positives for any of you. Is there more to his desire to change career than wanting out of sales?

Original poster
Family9f6 · 07/02/2024 12:38

I feel the same however people who know me and my family feel I should suck it up for the year and that the wage will improve and that working on the railway is a job for life/good pension/progression.
He really wants to be around people and keeping busy and active. He spends a lot of time on the laptop at home and feels his fitness is beginning to feel the affects.

He took the role he’s in because it is so flexible with family and home life. All of his team have famillies and are real big parts of their family dynamic.

We will need to purchase a car and pay tax/insurance/petrol/repairs on a lower wage.

Preschool runs I will need to do which is 7 miles a day(walk) and rush back for my teen who is educated at home. He isn’t allowed to tutor without a adult present.

just trying to think of the positives because he is such a unselfish and helpful man in general.

OP posts:
LuciferRising · 07/02/2024 12:54

How does he propose to make it work? Sometimes you just have to jump at change otherwise nothing changes, but it does come with risks. Is he unhappy?

Original poster
Family9f6 · 07/02/2024 13:01

Borrow my mothers car if/when needed until we save for one (will there be anything spare to save at least for the first year)
we use our current car constantly 🤦🏼‍♀️

preschool changes- Pick one closer than their current and just do our best to find one that we hope will suit the babies.

Finances- essentially cut right back for a year

He is of the same opinion. If we don’t do it then nothing will change

OP posts:
VelvetandLace · 08/02/2024 04:46

Shift work may not be as bad as if he were going for a 9-5 job. When he is on lates he will be at home in the mornings. And depending on the actual shift times he may be home early afternoons.

Would he work nights as well?

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 08/02/2024 04:50

Think also of the railway pension which is a good one.
Let him do it. It’ll be a year of lower salary (and not significantly lower) and then it’ll be higher.
It‘s a stable and secure job.
My partner left the railways and regretted it massively.

SnowsFalling · 08/02/2024 06:32

A few thoughts:
Starting shift work in your (guessing, but older father to 4 kids) 50s is a crazy suggestion. Shifting your sleep really wrecks your body.

Is there any way you could drive the kids to school? You seem to suggest DH drives or you walk, but if a car was available for you, could that work?

Has he thought about how he is going to sleep with you and oldest and tutor in the house? Or you plus 4 kids in the house at the weekend and in the school holidays?

On the plus side - shift work does generally allow a decent amount of school runs to be done - do a night shift, have breakfast with the family, do the school run. Go to bed. Wake up in time to do the school run. Plus plenty of days off during the week too.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 08/02/2024 08:25

As PPs have said shift work can be compatible with school pickups/ drop offs. Has your DP any indication of what the shift pattern is like. Working in a job that makes your DP miserable, especially sales is very tough but so is finding another career as you get older. If your DP has found something it really has to be worth considering as there may not be many opportunities.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 08/02/2024 08:41

As PPs have said shift work can be compatible with school pickups/ drop offs. Has your DP any indication of what the shift pattern is like. Working in a job that makes your DP miserable, especially sales is very tough but so is finding another career as you get older. If your DP has found something it really has to be worth considering as there may not be many opportunities.

celticprincess · 08/02/2024 22:29

Would you be entitled to universal credit? Do you claim disability living allowance for the disabled child and anything else you’re entitled to? Do you claim carers allowance?

Notamum12345577 · 08/02/2024 23:17

Rail is a good industry to get into, usually final salary pension as well. However, shift work takes getting used to…..

aname1234 · 09/02/2024 07:20

Changing career is hard but can make a world of difference to your happiness. Can he postpone until you're in a more stable position? Generally they're hard at the beginning for the whole family but worth it in the end. Sales can be really tough and nasty. Has he considered other options that he'll be interested in?

RollOnSpringDays · 09/02/2024 07:42

£24,000 doesn’t sound like anything above minimum wage, he should be paid a shift allowance ? There are definitely shift jobs paying a lot more than that. Car-wise, could you get a PCP deal with a low-deposit, rather than looking to buy one outright.

Nofilteritwonthelp · 09/02/2024 07:45

VelvetandLace · 08/02/2024 04:46

Shift work may not be as bad as if he were going for a 9-5 job. When he is on lates he will be at home in the mornings. And depending on the actual shift times he may be home early afternoons.

Would he work nights as well?

Shift work might be good. Is he likely to be able to get another job, could this plan be put on hold for another year or two? Otherwise you might have to support him as it won't be good for him or your relationship to be in a job he hates with no tangible plan to leave

shearwater2 · 09/02/2024 07:47

Sounds like he wants to spend less time with his family.

Kaffiene · 09/02/2024 07:50

My first thought is with those sort of figures you would be entitled for Universal Credit especially if one of your children gets DLA. If your disabled child gets middle care rate or above you would be entitled to carers allowance. This would also mean you are entitled to 85% of your childcare costs if you needed wrap around care to make this work for you all. I would recommend having a look at Entitled.com or similar as being in UC would soften the financial aspects.
then you would just need to work out if the other aspects work for you as a family as a whole.

TriceratopsRocks · 09/02/2024 07:50

Hoping this is a typo, or I have misunderstood, but I just wanted to pick up on your preschool runs - you said preschool 7 miles a day (walk). Surely this can't really mean walking 7 miles a day? With a preschooler?

converseandjeans · 09/02/2024 07:52

dp is currently a sales account manager wfh around pretty much all the time for the children

I think the issue is he is supposed to be working but you are expecting him to also do school runs, look after the kids. I think that sounds stressful for him.

Also to be at home all week working with you there & children too must be quite intense. That would drive me mad. I can see why he wants to get out the house to work.

I think you would be eligible for benefits? DLA? Cares allowance?

Sirzy · 09/02/2024 07:57

The children are pre school age. They will adapt to the change and probably in the long run benefit from both being at school closer to home (better for parties etc) and more importantly having a happy parent.

it may not be easy but I think you need to find a way to make it workable.

Helenahatstand · 09/02/2024 07:59

TriceratopsRocks · 09/02/2024 07:50

Hoping this is a typo, or I have misunderstood, but I just wanted to pick up on your preschool runs - you said preschool 7 miles a day (walk). Surely this can't really mean walking 7 miles a day? With a preschooler?

I'm guessing the nursery is 1.75 miles away. OP has to walk there and back twice a day.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/02/2024 08:00

This doesn't make any sense. Why doesn't he go to the gym instead?

Doing shifts when you are young as one thing but as an older father of several children then is he really going to be able to work overnights?

I'm all for changing careers but this is just ridiculous. It doesn't benefit anyone, not even him.

Helenahatstand · 09/02/2024 08:00

ClockHolly · 07/02/2024 12:25

On the face it it, him moving jobs sounds completely crazy. I can’t see any positives for any of you. Is there more to his desire to change career than wanting out of sales?

Surely the very big positive would be for the husband who might enjoy his job an awful lot more. Not saying it's the right decision for the family as a whole (though I think the OP needs to properly think about it with an open mind) but if the husband is unhappy in his job he should explore other options.

Nomorecoconutboosts · 09/02/2024 08:07

I’ve worked shifts nearly all my life 24/7 type of shifts so nights, days, long days etc
It works for us as my dh works very regular hours so was always available for school pick up
It saved a lot on childcare as I had fixed days off in the week and as a pp said on late shifts you can be around for morning school runs.

Could your dh have any sort of pattern/fixed shifts. Even if (for example) he always worked a long day or day off on certain days. He could be home for 4 days a week if the shifts are long. This could massively benefit you depending on the shift pattern for example if he was routinely at home 2 days a week you could even consider getting a job yourself whilst he supports with the tutoring - or have time to do whatever. Apologies if you are already working I didn’t see this on your post. This could provide money to buy a car for you to use - or use Ubers?

but her should think carefully if there are a lot of nights, or random shifts allocated. Also, is there an unsocial hours payment as part of his proposed new role?

Pacifybull · 09/02/2024 08:08

My DH started a shift job in his mid-50s and was OK. Hours varied between 6am and midnight. Nothing after midnight. But he also had to cycle there and back, which took about 45 minutes each way, so in effect it meant getting up at 5am or returning at 1am. Our children were older, though - young teens.

Mischance · 09/02/2024 08:18

My late OH dropped out of his medical practice for mental health reasons at the age of 42, when we had 3 young children - the stress of his job was intolerable. He did locums instead - a huge life upheaval for us all of course - lower income which meant we had to move house with knock-on effect on all of our lives. But we made it work and the children understood what was going on - we kept them involved at every turn. It meant I had to increase my work hours.

Later, I left my steady job at the age of 50 to pursue a totally different career in photography, arts outreach, singing workshops/choirs etc. because I felt I was wasting my life as a social worker. Again there were huge knock-on effects for the children and all of us. But we all agreed that I needed to pursue what felt right for me.

You say your OH is an older father and I would hazard a guess that he has reached a point in his life when he is asking himself fundamental questions about how he wants to spend the rest of his life. This often happens when a person realises there is less life ahead of them than there is behind them.

I know it will be hard - it was for us in terms of what home we could afford and our income and where the children could go to school - but I think that you should bite the bullet and support him in his new venture. We only have a finite life and need to try and find ways to spend it as we wish. I know there is a balance to be struck between the needs of all the family members and that only you and your family can make the decision where that balance lies. Bu I would not dismiss it out of hand.

One thing I would say is that we were surprised how little we could live on - there was some cutting back of course, but what the children missed out on materially they gained in the their understanding of compromise and pulling together. When they talk about it at all as adults now they are very clear that they admire the decisions we took and that they fully grasp the wage slave trap.

I wish you well in your decision-making - I know it is not easy.