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Original poster

DH wants to change career I’m unsure tell me it’s worked for you? Wfh to shifts

36 replies

Family9f6 · 07/02/2024 12:08

Hi I would love to get some outsiders views on career changes esp where one partner has been around a lot to then doing shift work

dp is currently a sales account manager wfh around pretty much all the time for the children. He’s a older father and wanted to always be involved in school runs/dinner times and home for the weekends.
basic wage before bonuses from sales is 30k but with a car and all petrol paid including leisure travel up to a certain amount of miles.

Hes suddenly decided he wants out of sales and spur of the moment applied for another job which he has now been offered. Shift work for a large rail company. However the pay is 24.5k rising gradually after 6 months in increments to about 34 or 37k it may have been.

one of 4 of our children is disabled and medically home tutored so I am home with them most of the time and we will have to move the other children schools as he won’t be able to do all of their school runs and it’s not walkable

I really don’t think he should take it at the moment.

No car
Change of preschools/nurserys
Drop in wages when everything is going up.

He isn’t happy though and wants a total job change

Has anyone been in a similar situation and it’s worked out? Or themselves been unhappy in a role so took a complete change?

OP posts:

SecondUsername4me · 09/02/2024 08:54

Why is he doing all the school runs when he should be working?

sashh · 09/02/2024 08:57

What are the ages of your children?

If it is not too personal what disability does your teen have? I'm just asking because maybe they could help with preschool pick up / drop off.

Can he buy his current car from his employer? Sometimes that is an option.

Depending on your child's disability could Motability be an option?

Can he negotiate anything with the new employer re maybe not paying as much into a pension for the year or help with childcare?

You say you use the car all the time, do you need to do that or do you do it because the car is there and you don't pay for all the petrol?

CharmedCult · 09/02/2024 09:05

How is he working from home but also doing the school runs and around pretty much all the time for the children? How is he able to do his job under these circumstances?

If this really is the case I can see why he wants a job out of the house and to separate work and home completely.

GauntJudy · 09/02/2024 09:10

Sounds bonkers.

mirror245 · 09/02/2024 09:22

I think it does sound ill thought out in many ways. There was a similar thread a few weeks ago with a same sex (female) family and one partner did similar (accepted a job offer going from 4-5 days leaving the child with no childcare on the 5th) and the majority said the op had to suck it up and they were selfish.

I don't think anyone should stay forever in a job they hate, but finding a way out should be planned over time. Time to reorganise childcare, save up to buy a new car etc.

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 09/02/2024 09:44

If my DH was unhappy in his job I would move heaven and earth to accommodate him. He would (and has) do the same for me.

It's a period of change you need to go through and it IS doable, you just need to plan.

HoHoHoliday · 09/02/2024 09:47

Financially you'll be worse off because of the drop in salary and even when it increases you've lost the car and petrol. Practically you'll be worse off because he was at home and now won't be at home most of the time. Shift work, depending on what the shifts are, can really mess up sleep patterns, metabolism, etc.
But, is the new job something he is really passionate about? If he's found a job that he feels is his life calling then I'd support it regardless and make everything else work. If it's just that he wants some change then perhaps another new job might be better than this one.

Notamum12345577 · 09/02/2024 10:13

Yeah, let’s jump straight to that theory!

ChateauMargaux · 09/02/2024 10:44

How much money will your household actually lose with this change.. mileage but also bonus... are the future increments guaranteed? They might not even get you to his current total take home pay.

However... your husband is clearly unhappy and probably needs to change job but it does not sound like this is the right job.

Can you sit together and work out what your family needs in terms of income and in terms of who needs to be at home with children. Do you get support for your disabled child? Could that cover cost of chidcare so you could work?

With 4 children, you need a big car. That is worth quite a lot that you will have to cover from a salary of £24,500 which is already not a lot to support a family of 6.

Susan2177 · 12/02/2024 13:01

He should be able to choose his own job, if he's unhappy in his current job, and also doing all the school runs I don't blame him for wanting to change job. You should be supporting him, his should be allowed his life as well.

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 12/02/2024 13:59

It sounds like currently he is doing all the work and a lot of the childcare, and I can see how that must be really stressful for him? I guess you are a full time carer to your disabled child, but you can't really expect him to work full time and also do all the school runs. I can see why he wants to move to a working outside the home job, and just fully separate work and home. Maybe he wanted something different years ago, but the reality isn't working out?

Is there a compromise where he moves to e.g. a different job in sales where he works outside the home but brings in a similar salary?

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