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Difficulties with colleague, should I take sick leave?

87 replies

Place123 · 06/02/2024 04:11

I work for a small business, owned by 2 elder gentlemen, both ill of health, that have neither time nor much respect for each other. When I began working there, it was ran by Boss A and he spent the majority of his time in there and we had 4 to 5 members of staff doing split shifts throughout the week. During lockdown, Boss A's health deteriorated and Boss B took over the running of the business. After lockdown we re-opened the business but had cut its opening days by 2 and staff down to 2, to split the week into 2 and a half days each. This was initially something that was suggested to guage the effects of the pandemic on the business, however business has remained unpredictable and unstable and with the threat of the business closing any day I have spent the last 2 years doing anything from 5 to 10 hour shifts not knowing which it going to be or exactly how long it will be before I can leave. That on its own isn't so bad. However the woman I work with has been for some time and more so of recent, a problem for me. She began an affair with Boss Bs best friend who is given certain privileges over other customers in our place of business. When the affair began both were in relationships and my colleague invited the partner of the man she was having an affair with to work with us, when the affair came to light during lockdown my colleague saw to it that his partner was not invited to return to work at the business after lockdown. As both bosses are ill of health, and don't like to communicate, she took it upon herself to take on jobs that aren't necessarily hers, and then used that as leverage to state her position in the business as being of more value of that of not just other staff but also customers. In all fairness to my bosses they have told her that it does not, that ultimately they pay her for the extra things she opted to do and that gives her no rights to dictate what can and can't happen within the business nor to dictate to staff how they should conduct there shifts. She does not listen though. The main problems stem from her continued affair with this man. His relationship ended however he and his ex remained friends and both continued to frequent our work place. She continues to be in a relationship and basically uses the business to facilitate her affair. Boss Bs bestfriend is a nice guy but he's a player, he uses their affair to further reinforce his special privileges in the work place and gives her no attention outside of it. Whilst I'm working it becomes apparent that his interest in her is lessened as she doesn't serve him much purpose when I'm in charge of the happenings in the business for that day. As a reaction to this and sometimes other things that dont go her way she will try and make a play for power against me, often infront of customers and so belligerent and obviously desperate that its embarrassing for all involved. She will then cry and say things to customers to make them feel sorry for her. I always speak with her and my bosses the next day and she always apologises but never says it won't happen again and unfortunately no matter how sorry she is, she's almost at this point a safe bet on doing it all again. I've actually lost count of the incidents in which this has happened in the last 2 years, let alone the 5 I've worked there.
Over Christmas I went through a really stressful time, my mother almost died, she has been overseen by the mental health social services for many years and if anyone knows what state our social and health care systems are in, you'll understand just how hard you have to fight for care within it. I'm still currently battling with it. I had two weeks off work whilst this was happening. The first night I returned, I ended up with my colleague at the end of my shift, she cried to me that everything she's done in the workplace has been to look after me, and how she's trying to protect me (from what I don't know). I spoke with her about her behaviour towards me whilst I'm working and how I don't agree with how her affair in facilitated through the business and the effects it has on the business. Two weeks later after spending an entire day dealing with her in the workplace on her day off, pining over Boss Bs bestfriend and overstating her involvement in the business towards customers, at around 8pm, the affairs ex partner walks in. This is always an automatic sign that I'm in for a long awkward night and at some point I'm going to have defend my position and refuse to participate in involving the business in a personal affair. This occasion was no different, at first as always he starts toying with the two of them, and like clockwork she starts piping up with telling me that certain people shouldn't be allowed in, or certain people must leave when I leave however she can stay and choose who stays with her despite the business being closed. When I say that's not how I conduct my shifts, when I leave everyone except her has to leave and if I choose to stay longer I choose who stays with me (which is the rule for both of us) she tells me she issupposed to be manager (we both know this isn't the case) I explain regardless of her position I have an agreement with both bosses that I manage myself on my shift. It's the end of the night at this point, I've just done a 10 hour shift and watched this entire scene play out like groundhog day. I go to the toilet and my colleague follows me down continuing to tell me that I must not let him and his ex partner stay in the building together after the business had closed. I again defended my position and said she doesn't get to dictate that but if it made her feel better I would be asking them both to leave. She then made the point that she could stay and have who she wants in when it's closed, to which I replied if he wants to wait outside whilst I finish up and you let him back in after I leave, that's fine but we both know he wouldn't do that. When we returned from the toilet, the bosses bestfriend had left. You could sense the relief she felt that he had left without his expartner and then anxiety that she may have upset him and she quickly left.
At this point I've just had enough of all it combined. I love my job and my place of work, I love my customers and my bosses and i also love my colleague in many ways. She is very kind and caring but this affair and her need to have a position of power in our work place is becoming less and less tolerable and it makes the long shifts almost insufferable, watching it all play begining to end throughout the day. These are things I've been continuously vocal about throughout the last 2 years. After this last escapade I sent her a message asking if she would be up for swapping all or if not some shifts over to split shifts in a way that would not effect either of our hours and explained if not I would speak to our bosses about me dropping some hours or if unable to find a resolution with them, I would leave. I explained leaving and losing hours wasn't something I wanted to do but I could no longer carry on with the long shifts especially with the nonsense that goes on and stems from her personal affair. I told her how I would personally like to split it and came up with what I think would be a fair compromise and then asked her what suggestions she had. She told me how she wanted to make my life easier and support me as best she could and she would go away and have a think about what she could come up with to make things easier and better for me. Something about the way she said it made me go straight to my bosses and telk them whatbit was I had asked for. A week later she text me 5 minutes before my shift with 2 suggestions one in which I lost 6-10 hours a week and the other where I lost between 2 and 8 (depending on custom). I actually excepted the one offer although not what I was asking for and of an unfair drop in hours, I only asked to change a minor detail that made absolutely no difference to her. She first tried to tell me that wasn't able to happen, so I conferred with my Bosses who said it was actually fine. She then retracted that option as an option and started trying to pressure me into making an out of nowhere agreement still resulting in an unfair loss of hours for me whilst I was working a rather busy shift and so I asked if we could discuss it the next day. Both of her suggestions resulted in her being in charge of closing the business everyday, which I believe is to facilitate her affair. She then came into the business place and made a scene of asking to make herself a cup of tea in the kitchen, knowing full well that would never be a problem. I messaged her the next day and explained that I had spun out a little and wanted to go over everything before I agreed and upon doing so I had realised the unfair disproportion of hours in her suggestion of shifts and that if she didn't want to split them fairly then I would speak to our bosses about coming up with something else. Her reply was "speak to them, I will speak to them about something different". Two days later, knowing that she has been with Boss B on both days, I ask him has she spoken to him about it, he says no, I ask Boss A he says no. Boss B says he will speak with her and make arrangements for us to sit down together and try to find a way to split the shifts fairly and to suit and maybe in some areas not suit both of us. I just can't see it happening, she's stubborn and on a mission to get what she wants and I'm close to done. She has often encouraged me to try and claim sick for the stress I have from dealing with my mother's problems over the year, I have told her numerous times that's not what I want, that work is a relief from all of that and like I said I love the community within there, it is literally just the long days and dealing with her issues that spoils it. It's to a point though, if she won't compromise with me and my bosses aren't able to be stern enough to put their foot down in regards to the way she behaves and dictates within the business then I simply can't carry on, and with everything else I have going on I'm not in the position to be seeking a new job. I know the business will suffer if she is the only staff and they're having to pay her full wages plus me sick pay and I don't want to be seen nor feel responsible for the suffering of the business. I last left a note on the till with another request to split shifts fairly, 2 days 2 nights each, plus our usual split shift. She hasn't responded to it and I have been informed today that she has been in the business place today with her affair, making antagonising phone calls to his ex partner. These 2 people are both in their 50s mind , whilst the ex partner is only on her 30s and of ill health.
I'm at a loss with her, and it's clearly effecting me to the point of not being able to sleep for thinking about it.
I'm actually excited to put this story out there and see what normal people who work in normal jobs with normal colleagues make of it all.
It's all very childish and soap opera like isn't it?

OP posts:
Veronicaisaflower · 06/02/2024 04:25

Holy wall of text, OP! I really can't make out what your problem is in amongst all that word vomit. However, if you're ill then definitely take sick leave. And if work is making you ill, start looking for another job.

WandaWonder · 06/02/2024 04:35

I can't take it all in I would look for a new job if you are not happy, sick leave means you will have to go back then what?

Northernsouloldies · 06/02/2024 04:36

I'll be honest op it was to long to read all of it. Get signed off for a couple of weeks and take a step back from it all. All said and done, you only work there. All that is not for you to worry about.

Lalagahgah · 06/02/2024 04:43

I also couldn't read it all. If you're sick you should take sick leave. But I couldn't see any reference to you actually being sick when I skimmed it (it's very hard to follow).

In terms of what normal people in normal jobs do: I don't get involved in who my colleagues sleep with. It's not relevant to work. If you have a problem with a particular colleague and don't like working with her, then change jobs. This one doesn't seem stable anyway.

FUBAR77 · 06/02/2024 05:10

I just read like 75% of that, I feel you
owe it to us all to just say what this business is, just doesn’t make sense how somewhere can be open different hours and people come in all the time

helpnohelpno · 06/02/2024 05:19

I got about 50% of that. Your colleagues sex life is nothing to do with you. If she steps out of line at work report her. If it continues ask your bosses how this will be managed long term.

But yes if the stress is getting to you sick leave is appropriate and maybe look for a more appropriate position

unlikelychump · 06/02/2024 05:19

Totally hard to understand and I can't fathom what sort of business this is.

Is it something like waitressing when you can go and work elsewhere easily? How is the boss a and b stuff relevant?

What illness do you have?

AllAboardTootToot · 06/02/2024 05:27

I need sick leave for the migraine brought on trying to read that op 😳

Toomuchgoingon79 · 06/02/2024 05:33

I'm sorry but I couldn't read that wall of text. Shorten it and use paragraphs it may make it easier to read.

Garlickit · 06/02/2024 05:35

This is a service establishment of some sort, right? I was thinking catering, but it could be a salon or a vape shop or something. Anyway, it's a small outfit that can't afford to be open all the time, and business is so poor that you have to put in extra hours if a customer shows up. It's a failing business. The owners are unwell and at loggerheads, so there's little chance of improvement.

You work closely with a woman who's having an affair with a (the only?) regular customer. Her affair has become all-important to her, and she constantly expects you to facilitate her shenanigans, which also involve manipulating the customer's ex-partner.

It's a terrible job. You should leave. I'm not keen on going sick, but you've got caring responsibilities at home so you might need to steal some time for job-hunting.

Do you really need to take two whole weeks, or could you find another job faster?

Another route might be just to give notice, and do your job-hunting while you finish up. You aren't working full-time, so you should be able to go to interviews and so forth in between shifts.

IloveAslan · 06/02/2024 05:37

We've all had difficulties with colleagues, bosses etc. but don't take sick leave because of it. If it is stressing you out then find another job. Her affair has nothing to do with you. I've worked with people having supposed affairs with the boss, we just carried on regardless.

However, I have only read probably less than half of what you wrote, and gave up!!

VisionsOfSplendour · 06/02/2024 05:40

That's just way too much to read but if you're sick take sick leave if the job isn't working out for you look for a new one

RedHelenB · 06/02/2024 05:41

You're not ill though are you? Why all the wrangling over who's in charge, your bosses have made it clear how you stand so stop getting so involved in it all Personally I'd just be inwardly laughing at the drama of your colleague, something to lighten the day. The bit I wouldn't lije is not knowing how long my shift was going to be until I turn up.

Loopytiles · 06/02/2024 05:46

Just seek another job!

KinKenKon · 06/02/2024 05:47

I'm guessing this is a pub?
Far too long a story so didn't read it all but honestly, just go and get another job if this one has so much stress and drama.
With owners in ill health it's probably not going to last anyway

PARunnerGirl · 06/02/2024 05:53

I’d repost after you get a chance to edit this by using paragraphs and also shortening it (a lot!) to cut out irrelevant detail, otherwise you just won’t get many replies.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 06/02/2024 05:53

I did read it all but have no idea what the problem is. Unfair splitting shifts? That's a manager's job.

Mishmaj · 06/02/2024 05:55

Just get another job. Sick leave is for people who are sick?

Unescorted · 06/02/2024 05:58

Your colleagues personal life is not yours worry about. You may not like it because it is at odds with your values but unless you are being asked to lie for her then it really is not your concern.

The second issue is that you are being made to work different shifts at very short notice. That is not your colleagues problem that is a function of how the business is run. Your choices are talk to your bosses to regularise your hours or get another job. If the hours regularisation means your colleague is shutting up shop every day so be it. If her shutting up shop means she is able to see her affair partner so be it. It is not your business.

It feels like your stress is being brought on by you conflating her affair and your job. They are 2 entirely different things.

isthismylifenow · 06/02/2024 06:08

It is a bit too early for this long string of text.

How about a shortened version so you could get to the point.

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 06/02/2024 06:11

See what your contract says about shifts.
If the contract says something different to what the reality is, sit down in a professional meeting with the bosses and talk about it.

If you are ill, take sick leave. (Given there are only 2 employees if I've understood correctly, you may find that bites you on the bum though as your colleague will, by definition, be given "preferential" treatment if she's there and you aren't)

Look for a new job.

None of the relationship shenanigans are anything to do with you.

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 06/02/2024 06:13

isthismylifenow · 06/02/2024 06:08

It is a bit too early for this long string of text.

How about a shortened version so you could get to the point.

OP works with one other person. There are two bosses. It's hospitality of some sort so shifts at short notice. OP feels hard done to regarding shifts.
People are having sex with other people's husbands, who then come onto the pub.
(Think Albert Square, though nobody's thumped anybody or run them over, yet)

Gremlinssofa · 06/02/2024 06:14

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 06/02/2024 06:13

OP works with one other person. There are two bosses. It's hospitality of some sort so shifts at short notice. OP feels hard done to regarding shifts.
People are having sex with other people's husbands, who then come onto the pub.
(Think Albert Square, though nobody's thumped anybody or run them over, yet)

Get outah my puuuuub 😁

isthismylifenow · 06/02/2024 06:24

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 06/02/2024 06:13

OP works with one other person. There are two bosses. It's hospitality of some sort so shifts at short notice. OP feels hard done to regarding shifts.
People are having sex with other people's husbands, who then come onto the pub.
(Think Albert Square, though nobody's thumped anybody or run them over, yet)

😀 This was so much easier.

Yes OP, you could try get it out there and into a new (same) version of a soap opera.

You could also leave and look for a different job.

I still didn't read it all though, sorry.

Priminister · 06/02/2024 06:24

Paragraphs!

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