Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Difficulties with colleague, should I take sick leave?

87 replies

Place123 · 06/02/2024 04:11

I work for a small business, owned by 2 elder gentlemen, both ill of health, that have neither time nor much respect for each other. When I began working there, it was ran by Boss A and he spent the majority of his time in there and we had 4 to 5 members of staff doing split shifts throughout the week. During lockdown, Boss A's health deteriorated and Boss B took over the running of the business. After lockdown we re-opened the business but had cut its opening days by 2 and staff down to 2, to split the week into 2 and a half days each. This was initially something that was suggested to guage the effects of the pandemic on the business, however business has remained unpredictable and unstable and with the threat of the business closing any day I have spent the last 2 years doing anything from 5 to 10 hour shifts not knowing which it going to be or exactly how long it will be before I can leave. That on its own isn't so bad. However the woman I work with has been for some time and more so of recent, a problem for me. She began an affair with Boss Bs best friend who is given certain privileges over other customers in our place of business. When the affair began both were in relationships and my colleague invited the partner of the man she was having an affair with to work with us, when the affair came to light during lockdown my colleague saw to it that his partner was not invited to return to work at the business after lockdown. As both bosses are ill of health, and don't like to communicate, she took it upon herself to take on jobs that aren't necessarily hers, and then used that as leverage to state her position in the business as being of more value of that of not just other staff but also customers. In all fairness to my bosses they have told her that it does not, that ultimately they pay her for the extra things she opted to do and that gives her no rights to dictate what can and can't happen within the business nor to dictate to staff how they should conduct there shifts. She does not listen though. The main problems stem from her continued affair with this man. His relationship ended however he and his ex remained friends and both continued to frequent our work place. She continues to be in a relationship and basically uses the business to facilitate her affair. Boss Bs bestfriend is a nice guy but he's a player, he uses their affair to further reinforce his special privileges in the work place and gives her no attention outside of it. Whilst I'm working it becomes apparent that his interest in her is lessened as she doesn't serve him much purpose when I'm in charge of the happenings in the business for that day. As a reaction to this and sometimes other things that dont go her way she will try and make a play for power against me, often infront of customers and so belligerent and obviously desperate that its embarrassing for all involved. She will then cry and say things to customers to make them feel sorry for her. I always speak with her and my bosses the next day and she always apologises but never says it won't happen again and unfortunately no matter how sorry she is, she's almost at this point a safe bet on doing it all again. I've actually lost count of the incidents in which this has happened in the last 2 years, let alone the 5 I've worked there.
Over Christmas I went through a really stressful time, my mother almost died, she has been overseen by the mental health social services for many years and if anyone knows what state our social and health care systems are in, you'll understand just how hard you have to fight for care within it. I'm still currently battling with it. I had two weeks off work whilst this was happening. The first night I returned, I ended up with my colleague at the end of my shift, she cried to me that everything she's done in the workplace has been to look after me, and how she's trying to protect me (from what I don't know). I spoke with her about her behaviour towards me whilst I'm working and how I don't agree with how her affair in facilitated through the business and the effects it has on the business. Two weeks later after spending an entire day dealing with her in the workplace on her day off, pining over Boss Bs bestfriend and overstating her involvement in the business towards customers, at around 8pm, the affairs ex partner walks in. This is always an automatic sign that I'm in for a long awkward night and at some point I'm going to have defend my position and refuse to participate in involving the business in a personal affair. This occasion was no different, at first as always he starts toying with the two of them, and like clockwork she starts piping up with telling me that certain people shouldn't be allowed in, or certain people must leave when I leave however she can stay and choose who stays with her despite the business being closed. When I say that's not how I conduct my shifts, when I leave everyone except her has to leave and if I choose to stay longer I choose who stays with me (which is the rule for both of us) she tells me she issupposed to be manager (we both know this isn't the case) I explain regardless of her position I have an agreement with both bosses that I manage myself on my shift. It's the end of the night at this point, I've just done a 10 hour shift and watched this entire scene play out like groundhog day. I go to the toilet and my colleague follows me down continuing to tell me that I must not let him and his ex partner stay in the building together after the business had closed. I again defended my position and said she doesn't get to dictate that but if it made her feel better I would be asking them both to leave. She then made the point that she could stay and have who she wants in when it's closed, to which I replied if he wants to wait outside whilst I finish up and you let him back in after I leave, that's fine but we both know he wouldn't do that. When we returned from the toilet, the bosses bestfriend had left. You could sense the relief she felt that he had left without his expartner and then anxiety that she may have upset him and she quickly left.
At this point I've just had enough of all it combined. I love my job and my place of work, I love my customers and my bosses and i also love my colleague in many ways. She is very kind and caring but this affair and her need to have a position of power in our work place is becoming less and less tolerable and it makes the long shifts almost insufferable, watching it all play begining to end throughout the day. These are things I've been continuously vocal about throughout the last 2 years. After this last escapade I sent her a message asking if she would be up for swapping all or if not some shifts over to split shifts in a way that would not effect either of our hours and explained if not I would speak to our bosses about me dropping some hours or if unable to find a resolution with them, I would leave. I explained leaving and losing hours wasn't something I wanted to do but I could no longer carry on with the long shifts especially with the nonsense that goes on and stems from her personal affair. I told her how I would personally like to split it and came up with what I think would be a fair compromise and then asked her what suggestions she had. She told me how she wanted to make my life easier and support me as best she could and she would go away and have a think about what she could come up with to make things easier and better for me. Something about the way she said it made me go straight to my bosses and telk them whatbit was I had asked for. A week later she text me 5 minutes before my shift with 2 suggestions one in which I lost 6-10 hours a week and the other where I lost between 2 and 8 (depending on custom). I actually excepted the one offer although not what I was asking for and of an unfair drop in hours, I only asked to change a minor detail that made absolutely no difference to her. She first tried to tell me that wasn't able to happen, so I conferred with my Bosses who said it was actually fine. She then retracted that option as an option and started trying to pressure me into making an out of nowhere agreement still resulting in an unfair loss of hours for me whilst I was working a rather busy shift and so I asked if we could discuss it the next day. Both of her suggestions resulted in her being in charge of closing the business everyday, which I believe is to facilitate her affair. She then came into the business place and made a scene of asking to make herself a cup of tea in the kitchen, knowing full well that would never be a problem. I messaged her the next day and explained that I had spun out a little and wanted to go over everything before I agreed and upon doing so I had realised the unfair disproportion of hours in her suggestion of shifts and that if she didn't want to split them fairly then I would speak to our bosses about coming up with something else. Her reply was "speak to them, I will speak to them about something different". Two days later, knowing that she has been with Boss B on both days, I ask him has she spoken to him about it, he says no, I ask Boss A he says no. Boss B says he will speak with her and make arrangements for us to sit down together and try to find a way to split the shifts fairly and to suit and maybe in some areas not suit both of us. I just can't see it happening, she's stubborn and on a mission to get what she wants and I'm close to done. She has often encouraged me to try and claim sick for the stress I have from dealing with my mother's problems over the year, I have told her numerous times that's not what I want, that work is a relief from all of that and like I said I love the community within there, it is literally just the long days and dealing with her issues that spoils it. It's to a point though, if she won't compromise with me and my bosses aren't able to be stern enough to put their foot down in regards to the way she behaves and dictates within the business then I simply can't carry on, and with everything else I have going on I'm not in the position to be seeking a new job. I know the business will suffer if she is the only staff and they're having to pay her full wages plus me sick pay and I don't want to be seen nor feel responsible for the suffering of the business. I last left a note on the till with another request to split shifts fairly, 2 days 2 nights each, plus our usual split shift. She hasn't responded to it and I have been informed today that she has been in the business place today with her affair, making antagonising phone calls to his ex partner. These 2 people are both in their 50s mind , whilst the ex partner is only on her 30s and of ill health.
I'm at a loss with her, and it's clearly effecting me to the point of not being able to sleep for thinking about it.
I'm actually excited to put this story out there and see what normal people who work in normal jobs with normal colleagues make of it all.
It's all very childish and soap opera like isn't it?

OP posts:
TeenyTinyWiney · 06/02/2024 06:28

It's got to be hospitality! I used to do the same and the affairs and dramas were rife (not me before anyone asks)

If you don't know what shifts you're getting and being sent home early / late etc, does that mean you don't have contracted hours? Like zero hours contract?

I don't think sick leave is a good option, although I do understand the stress. Book some time off maybe and really look for a job hunt.

eggbot · 06/02/2024 06:32

If you are sick get signed off sick. Not sure what their personal life has to do with your work though.

thedancingparrot · 06/02/2024 06:40

Sick leave is for when you are sick. Otherwise I usually try and keep personal stuff and work separate. If others struggle to do this try and stay out of it, it just leaves to petty politics which is what seems to be happening here.

Either stick it out with strong boundaries (sorry did not read it all but got the gist I think) or look for another job.

Jifmicroliquid · 06/02/2024 06:42

Started reading and then my eyes went funny… please use paragraphs and try and get to the point quickly. People will struggle to read that.

Flottie · 06/02/2024 06:46

Tried to read this twice and gave up…

SnowsFalling · 06/02/2024 06:46

You don't like the people you work with. Find a new job.
I'm not sure you are ill. Fed up maybe. If you are actually ill and I've skimmed that detail, take sick leave.
Otherwise focus on your job and noone else's, and work out an escape route.

notknowledgeable · 06/02/2024 06:49

I gave up trying to read after less then half, but couldn't see any reference to being ill, either - if you are not ill, how would you get signed off? if you are unhappy, find another job.

Kedece2410 · 06/02/2024 06:50

Whats going to be the benefit of sick leave though. Going off isn't going to address the problems & itll be just the same when you go back. Not getting on with a colleague isn't a reason to go off sick

You need to either put your cards on the table with your bosses and get both of your roles properly defined or Iook for another job

sorrynotathome · 06/02/2024 06:52

Try writing a novel. Get a good editor though.

Auntieobem · 06/02/2024 06:54

AI?

ArchetypalBusyMum · 06/02/2024 06:54

No wonder the business is still struggling if 50% of the staff (now you're down to two) are liable to rope customers into their personal life and burst in to tears on them! 😳

She sounds a pain.

Take some leave to get some breathing space and so you can step back and consider your options

sanityisamyth · 06/02/2024 06:56

AllAboardTootToot · 06/02/2024 05:27

I need sick leave for the migraine brought on trying to read that op 😳

Ditto!!

Tangelablue · 06/02/2024 06:57

Leave. No job should cause you to be writing war and peace in the early hours.

MariaVT65 · 06/02/2024 06:58

Op I haven’t read your post because it’s far too long, but when I had majot trouble with a colleague, the only thing that helped was finding another job.

Please don’t get a job in any kind of editorial work though ;)

ArchetypalBusyMum · 06/02/2024 07:00

Also, perhaps you were trying to avoid a drip feed, but there was so much detail in the op noone most people replying will not have read it all.
So I'd there were any crucial details on all the minutiae they are likely missed.

Is the summary -
colleague is a pain and unprofessional, you've got big personal problems and responsibilities draining you, and the business is on its knees?

Does that cover it as an overview?

bastin · 06/02/2024 07:01

TLDR

ChocoChocoLatte · 06/02/2024 07:02

Please take a moment to use a paragraph.

ChocoChocoLatte · 06/02/2024 07:04

FUBAR77 · 06/02/2024 05:10

I just read like 75% of that, I feel you
owe it to us all to just say what this business is, just doesn’t make sense how somewhere can be open different hours and people come in all the time

Looks like a pub and some lock ins but am actually beyond caring.

OP if you're sick, then take sick leave. If not, step up & deal with it or leave.

DiamanteFan · 06/02/2024 07:06

I don't see that sick leave would help in this situation. As the main problem seems to be that you enjoy the job but don't enjoy the drama that your colleague brings to work. Time off with sick leave will not do anything to address this.

Dustpantsandbush · 06/02/2024 07:12

I passed away 1/4 way through.

Apolloneuro · 06/02/2024 07:21

For the love of god, learn how to use paragraphs.

Therealjudgejudy · 06/02/2024 07:25

What the hell did I just try to read???

unexpectediteminthebraggingarea · 06/02/2024 07:25

I can't make sense of the text - but if you aren't happy surely looking for a new job would be better than quitting?

SnoreyCat · 06/02/2024 07:27

Auntieobem · 06/02/2024 06:54

AI?

I thought so too

MorningSunshineSparkles · 06/02/2024 07:43

You’re the one involving yourself in her affair, there is no need for this level of communication outside of work and absolutely zero need to be talking about anyone’s sex life within work. If she wants to make herself into a silly little tramp that goes about shagging people in relationships let her crack on with it. Just stop discussing it, that’s the only issue you’ve really raised in your OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread