Help with managing a control freak

[Theunmanageables]

I need some advice on how to handle this. I'm experienced in managing people but it has usually been people who are keen to learn and develop.

I've started managing a new team and there's one person who is particularly tricky.

They have been around for a very long time and they aren't interested in career progression but they do want control over everything. They don't want me to make any changes or decisions without checking with them first.

I've been brought in specifically to make changes. I'm responsible for the commercial success of the team, and the team member doesn't have the relevant experience or skills to be in my role, and doesn't want to be. But they do want to dictate what I do and be able to veto anything they don't agree with.

I think it comes from a place of insecurity. Ironically, unless I'm allowed to get on with my job, they are more likely to lose theirs than if I am allowed to try and turn things around.

Of course I am open to their input, but they need to understand the limits to that.

Any wise words to help me deal with this? I've never come across someone who felt they had the absolute right to know about and control everything that's happening around them when they are really at a junior level before.

I’ve had one like this and it baffled me even as a senior with loads of experience. I had to reframe it as persistent undermining behaviour (which what it is) to be able to manage it effectively. I tried the nice approach and it just didn’t work, they dug their heels in and attempted to undermine my position further.

I took them down a disciplinary route in the end as repeated minor attempts at misconduct can lead to a gross misconduct charge. I was very clear with them that if they did not cease in their attempts to undermine me then this is where it was heading. They left.

I took advice from www.taking-control.co.uk who did some very reasonably priced workshops on managing extremely difficult behaviour in the workplace. It was very helpful. As were ACAS.

You probably have never worked in the NHS before if this is the first time you have encountered this. I have observed and experienced this lots of times and having an assertive conversation to call it out (what you have stated here is excellent) can help but these behaviours are often ingrained. You sound brilliant by the way.

How does she convey that she wants to be able to veto new things?

I have also managed quite a few teams over the years. To manage effectively you need to gather information/suggestions/feedback from those working at the coal face, so I’d probably outline that your interested in everyone’s input (including hers) and then provide clear bullet point direction laid out in an email, with a date to review progress and effectiveness (so gathering more information/suggestions/feedback from people working at the coal face to develop service and enable effective direction). The worst management I have ever experienced involved someone who had zero capacity for reflection, little understanding and very rigid ideas.

"I'm responsible for the commercial success of the team, and the team member doesn't have the relevant experience or skills to be in my role, and doesn't want to be. But they do want to dictate what I do and be able to veto anything they don't agree with."

You start by telling this oxygen thief that they are not qualified to dictate anything, nor do you have to run anything by them either.

Explain once, and only once, that you are the team lead, you decide things and everyone else follows. Put it in writing to everyone.

If said person throws a strop, document what they do, performance manage their ass out.

People like that are insufferable and are a colossal waste of human cells, time and patience. Do whatever you need to in order to maintain firm control and discipline and do what you must to fire them.

Thats the only language people like this understand. Show ZERO compassion.

To manage effectively you need to gather information/suggestions/feedback from those working at the coal face, so I’d probably outline that your interested in everyone’s input (including hers)

Did you do any of this before you stomped in and started throwing your weight around?

What you describe sounds like someone who feels disrespected and devalued by your management style. A good manager would be able to manage changes without alienating staff or resorting to dictatorial tactics.

I would disregard the terrible "advice" from @HelplessSoul who seems to be hailing from the 1820s.

I haven't stomped in and started throwing my weight around at all and the person in question wouldn't even say that. That isn't the kind of manager I am.

I haven't alienated anyone and have been very gentle. I've observed this person respond to other people in the way I'm describing more than they have done to me. I've just had hints of it personally so far.

But my remit is to make changes, whether they agree with them or not. Decisions have been made above me head. So they will have to accept the loss of control and I'm looking for the best way to handle it.

Your username seems rather apt for your response though.

"But my remit is to make changes, whether they agree with them or not. .... So they will have to accept the loss of control"

And thats exactly why you lay down the law to them and explain that they follow the rules or leave.

Pussyfooting around by pandering to them or "managing" them is pointless.

This employee is toxic and you know it. Read them the riot act or show them the door otherwise they will make your work intolerable, undermine you and question everything you do.

Make a stand now or regret it later.

you lucked out there because i think this sort of action has ET written all over it!

Have you tried asking them in a 1:1? "Pamela, why do you object to strongly to my suggested changes to our widget marketing process when this isn't part of your job?"

Then have some stock phrases ready when challenged. "Thanks for sharing your view. As you know, management have asked me to update the process so we will be doing that, however I'm definitely open to people's suggestions for how we can do that most effectively."

Make sure your manager is aware of the situation and fully supportive, in case they complain to her or you need to move to formal disciplinary.

But my remit is to make changes, whether they agree with them or not. Decisions have been made above me head. So they will have to accept the loss of control and I'm looking for the best way to handle it.

I think you need to be clear on the non-negotiable, where decisions have come from and why you’re making the changes (as in this is a non-negotiable from senior management). Then look for what you can negotiate on - possibly the way a change is implemented or the day to day process and work with the team collectively to agree the negotiable part.

I’d also set clear boundaries with the staff member concerned eg not explaining or debating things with them if you wouldn’t do that with other team members. Look at change management theory, it helps to understand how and why people react to change and to see the process they go through, which may help things feel less personal when staff are finding it hard and kicking back.

If this person works directly for you, then you will presumably be having regular 1:1 sessions? These ought to be going through company objectives / progress, and personal objectives / progress. This is the time to bring it up.

I think your natural approach would be to start gently, and go from there, which is what I would do too.

Lastly, don't use the words one of my previous managers used (thankfully not to me) which was "when I want your opinion, I'll give it to you".

You are the manager, so manage.

Why are you letting someone 'veto' anything?

You should have put your foot down immediately, arranged a one to one meeting with them and told them clearly something in the line of 'I appreciate your feedback as a long serving member of this team but I am here to lead and make changes. This is not something for you to question'.

End of story.

If they continue to be difficult then you start a formal warning/disciplinary procedure.

You don't need to justify yourself to this person or to let them cause problems...

In previous jobs when I've had direct reports resistant to change, I've used phrases like "the one thing we can't do is stay as we are" and "Your concerns have been noted, but in this instance the changes are required so will happen".

'I appreciate your feedback as a long serving member of this team but I am here to lead and make changes. This is not something for you to question'.

Frankly if you have to state you’re in charge, you’ve lost before you start. Leadership is about bringing people with you, not dictating your terms and expecting people to fall in line.

I had a manager who followed exactly this approach. Eventually, after 30 bullying complaints, she was sacked.

I just don't really get advice like this. Never mind that it doesn't work- why would you want to behave like a cunt just for a job?

This is good advice I think, ask them with curiosity why they behave like that, see if they have any self awareness. It’s never about you, it’s always about them.

@Theunmanageables What do you mean when you say this person is junior?

Are they, for example, a technical expert like a doctor or a teacher where they would expect a high degree of autonomy because they are highly qualified?

When you say they want to know about and control what's happening- do you mean in relation to their job?

It's not necessarily wrong for someone who is very experienced to want to be engaged with the reasons for and mechanisms of change.

Could you explain exactly how they are vetoing you? I'm struggling to see how someone might do that and wondering if they are instead trying to give the benefit of their greater experience in a way you find too forthright?

It’s never about you, it’s always about them.

Thats not true though, it’s not unheard of for a new manager to breeze in and, without a knowledge of culture and working practices, start making changes with all the finesse of a bull in a china shop. The first port of call should always be to look at our own manner and practices. You can’t develop self awareness in others if you don’t have a process of self reflection first.

Spell it out to them exactly as you have done in your opening post

Sometimes people like this have a reason - e.g. "Annie tried this a few years ago when she was team leader and it was a disaster and destabilised the entire team." So then you can say "Thanks, that's really helpful to know - let's work out exactly what went wrong last time so we can make sure the same thing doesn't happen again."

Sometimes they have no reason and you can see the realisation of this dawning in their eyes as they try to respond.

Riiiiight....

But its OK for the employee, who is not qualified, not a manager etc, to be a cunt though??

🙄

Where have I said that?

Why would being more qualified or a manager make any difference to what constitutes reasonable, decent behaviour?

Let's say that the employee is a 'waste of human cells' as you suppose and your 'advice' doesn't backfire and get OP sacked. That would still leave my question: why would you want to behave like that for a mere job?

That would still leave my question: why would you want to behave like that for a mere job?

Equally, why should a manager tolerate someone who is clearly a troublemaker and allow them to rule the roost when thats not their job??

🤷‍♂️

Some employees behave like this if they think responsibility for things going wrong when changes to process are made will be theirs.
I would clearly assure them that the responsibility is all yours as manager, and that may help them adjust.

Why so? You are allowed to discipline and sack people following the correct procedures.