Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Employment Claims and Emotional Impact

32 replies

RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 28/12/2023 17:39

I’m just wondering for anyone who has put one in against their employer for a serious breach, how was the process on you emotionally? I know this is going to vary between individuals but whilst I know I’ve been deeply wronged I’m not sure I have anything left in the tank to deal with it. I also don’t really have any emotional support in the way of friends/family and I’m trying to juggle various other things. I don’t have a solicitor or access to one either so I’m basically going it alone through ACAS.

Is there any shame in just walking away and not?

OP posts:
NeverAloneNeverAgain · 28/12/2023 17:45

I think it would depend on circumstances. FWIW I made a claim against previous employer but did through the union so had a solicitor to manage everything but it was still stressful. Whilst there was monetary compensation at the end (whole process took just shy of 2yrs) it didn't make me feel any better as what I really wanted was an apology and acknowledgement that what had happened was not right. I never got it. Solicitor was very focused on admitting liability was admitting they were in the wrong but it didn't feel like that. I also didn't feel I could use them as a reference - although technically no reason why I couldn't it just felt wrong to me - so maybe worth considering that angle too!

Edit- in short no shame in cutting loses and walking away. If I was in same situation again I wouldn't pursue it! It was a long process with lots of back and forth and I couldn't start dealing with it until matters were closed so it dragged on emotionally longer than it needed to.

compactopera · 28/12/2023 18:11

Is there any shame in just walking away and not?

Absolutely not. I think for most people that's the better solution.

If you win, the amounts of money involved are small in most cases anyway. The process isn't about the justness of the situation, so if that's what's driving you it'll probably end in disappointment either way.

The stress involved is significant. If you don't have support (personally or professionally) you need to think carefully about what you're seeking to achieve, the odds of that happening, and whether the prolonged stress is worth it.

If you choose to walk away and move forward, that gives you control. It's a perfectly valid and respectable choice.

Oblomov23 · 28/12/2023 18:23

I feel the same. My employment lawyer friend says I've got a case. But can I bear it?

Original poster
RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 28/12/2023 18:26

Oblomov23 · 28/12/2023 18:23

I feel the same. My employment lawyer friend says I've got a case. But can I bear it?

It’s so hard isn’t it? On the one hand I want an injustice corrected, but as NeverAlone has said above, the chances of them admitting and apologising are so slim aren’t they? Two years is a really long term to have your life turned upside down. I don’t know what the right answer is here.

OP posts:
Original poster
RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 28/12/2023 18:29

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 28/12/2023 17:45

I think it would depend on circumstances. FWIW I made a claim against previous employer but did through the union so had a solicitor to manage everything but it was still stressful. Whilst there was monetary compensation at the end (whole process took just shy of 2yrs) it didn't make me feel any better as what I really wanted was an apology and acknowledgement that what had happened was not right. I never got it. Solicitor was very focused on admitting liability was admitting they were in the wrong but it didn't feel like that. I also didn't feel I could use them as a reference - although technically no reason why I couldn't it just felt wrong to me - so maybe worth considering that angle too!

Edit- in short no shame in cutting loses and walking away. If I was in same situation again I wouldn't pursue it! It was a long process with lots of back and forth and I couldn't start dealing with it until matters were closed so it dragged on emotionally longer than it needed to.

Edited

Thank you for your input. I want recognition of the damage done and your comment has really struck a chord that it isn’t very likely.

OP posts:
Original poster
RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 28/12/2023 18:31

compactopera · 28/12/2023 18:11

Is there any shame in just walking away and not?

Absolutely not. I think for most people that's the better solution.

If you win, the amounts of money involved are small in most cases anyway. The process isn't about the justness of the situation, so if that's what's driving you it'll probably end in disappointment either way.

The stress involved is significant. If you don't have support (personally or professionally) you need to think carefully about what you're seeking to achieve, the odds of that happening, and whether the prolonged stress is worth it.

If you choose to walk away and move forward, that gives you control. It's a perfectly valid and respectable choice.

Your last paragraph is something I’m going to think very seriously about. I feel like I’ve had no control for a long time and I feel my claim is partly an attempt to regain it. It hadn’t really occurred to me that choosing to walk away is also taking back my agency. Thank you

OP posts:
Boomer84 · 28/12/2023 20:26

You should look at it like breaking up with a partner. You could bring up all the wrongs that have been done (on both sides potentially) but it’s healthier to break away from toxic people/environments and draw a line under it and move on.
there’s not always the need to have the last word etc

Original poster
RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 28/12/2023 20:45

Boomer84 · 28/12/2023 20:26

You should look at it like breaking up with a partner. You could bring up all the wrongs that have been done (on both sides potentially) but it’s healthier to break away from toxic people/environments and draw a line under it and move on.
there’s not always the need to have the last word etc

This is an amazing way to view it. Thank you.

OP posts:
disappearingfish · 28/12/2023 20:51

You'll never get the acknowledgment you want, never. It just doesn't work like that. No one is sitting in an office back at your old job thinking about you as a person, a human being. You have to take all the emotion out of it.

Do you have a realistic chance of a financial settlement that's worth the effort?

Doggymummar · 28/12/2023 20:56

I did. I had union representation, it took over three years and I got ten grand no apology and had to agree not to talk about my workplace ever unless in a job interview or I had to pay the settlement back. I slipped up after 5 years, not even saying anything bad and I got a solicitors letter ( I still work in the same field so often meet my ex employer at events)

Movinghouseatlast · 28/12/2023 20:58

This has been very illuminating for me.

After more than 20 years I was let go over a tiny incident. I was a contractor/ self employed so therefore I had no come back at all. I would have had a very good case for sex and age discrimination, I think I would have won ( oh the irony part of my job was employment law) at a tribunal.

Original poster
RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 29/12/2023 00:18

disappearingfish · 28/12/2023 20:51

You'll never get the acknowledgment you want, never. It just doesn't work like that. No one is sitting in an office back at your old job thinking about you as a person, a human being. You have to take all the emotion out of it.

Do you have a realistic chance of a financial settlement that's worth the effort?

I think I do, but it’s been impossible to get a solicitor to even look at my case. It’s more realistic that they will offer to settle under ACAS but under those circumstances it will be small fry.

OP posts:
Original poster
RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 29/12/2023 00:24

Doggymummar · 28/12/2023 20:56

I did. I had union representation, it took over three years and I got ten grand no apology and had to agree not to talk about my workplace ever unless in a job interview or I had to pay the settlement back. I slipped up after 5 years, not even saying anything bad and I got a solicitors letter ( I still work in the same field so often meet my ex employer at events)

I’m sort of amazed it was only 10k across three years. Not from a logical standpoint, but just the worth. Did it involve any discrimination?

OP posts:
Neriah · 29/12/2023 12:44

Movinghouseatlast · 28/12/2023 20:58

This has been very illuminating for me.

After more than 20 years I was let go over a tiny incident. I was a contractor/ self employed so therefore I had no come back at all. I would have had a very good case for sex and age discrimination, I think I would have won ( oh the irony part of my job was employment law) at a tribunal.

That is incorrect. Discrimination claims can be brought by contractors/ the self employed. It is unfair dismissal claims that that generally cannot be brought.

OP, I've been a trade union activist and have supported many people bringing claims, and have once brought a claim which I won quite handsomely. Going to a tribunal is about money. That's it. Don't expect retribution, acknowledgement, apologies or justice. You will not get any of those things, and I have never yet met anyone who didn't come away, even after a win, thinking that they had seen justice done.

The entire thing is very stressful, and if you aren't up for the battle, don't do it.

And I say that as the person who would, myself, ALWAYS fight! One of my union colleagues, many years ago, told a member that unless they were prepared to fight until they won, not to come to me because I'd never give up. It was good advice. But that didn't mean that I don't recognise that walking away is a valid choice. It is. What you cannot be is half-hearted. Decide to win or decide to walk. If you dither it can and will break people.

Doggymummar · 29/12/2023 14:32

RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 29/12/2023 00:24

I’m sort of amazed it was only 10k across three years. Not from a logical standpoint, but just the worth. Did it involve any discrimination?

Show quote history

They were still paying my salary over this time, no discrimination it was bullying leading to a complete mental breakdown, hospitalisation and then harassment to try and get me back to work whilst under the MH team. When that didn't work they tried to fire me for breaking social media policy which was nonsense too.

changefromhr · 29/12/2023 14:46

It's emotionally very gruelling. I've been on both sides of a tribunal. Tribunals are about financial compensation for losses incurred, not admission of wrongdoing or stopping of such.
That said, if you have a valid claim you could always start the process and withdraw later. You may get an early settlement that way. Are you already in the early conciliation phase?

Original poster
RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 29/12/2023 17:52

changefromhr · 29/12/2023 14:46

It's emotionally very gruelling. I've been on both sides of a tribunal. Tribunals are about financial compensation for losses incurred, not admission of wrongdoing or stopping of such.
That said, if you have a valid claim you could always start the process and withdraw later. You may get an early settlement that way. Are you already in the early conciliation phase?

That’s where I feel I’m now at - submitting and then I can withdraw if they decide not to settle. It’s good advice, thank you.

I’m currently not in any phase, just getting my ducks in a row.

OP posts:
Original poster
RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 29/12/2023 17:54

Neriah · 29/12/2023 12:44

That is incorrect. Discrimination claims can be brought by contractors/ the self employed. It is unfair dismissal claims that that generally cannot be brought.

OP, I've been a trade union activist and have supported many people bringing claims, and have once brought a claim which I won quite handsomely. Going to a tribunal is about money. That's it. Don't expect retribution, acknowledgement, apologies or justice. You will not get any of those things, and I have never yet met anyone who didn't come away, even after a win, thinking that they had seen justice done.

The entire thing is very stressful, and if you aren't up for the battle, don't do it.

And I say that as the person who would, myself, ALWAYS fight! One of my union colleagues, many years ago, told a member that unless they were prepared to fight until they won, not to come to me because I'd never give up. It was good advice. But that didn't mean that I don't recognise that walking away is a valid choice. It is. What you cannot be is half-hearted. Decide to win or decide to walk. If you dither it can and will break people.

Show quote history

Thank you. Last night I made the decision not to go ahead but then this morning I woke up and I thought you know what, I’m going to regret not giving this a crack. I’m very determined when I put my mind to something, so that doesn’t concern me. What does is that I have zero idea how strong this is. I think it’s strong but I’m not a lawyer and I can’t afford to pay one a grand to even read my case summary.

OP posts:
changefromhr · 29/12/2023 19:28

@RudolphComingIntoLandOver You could post some key points on here for some advice if you want? Some advice might be dud (some weird armchair lawyers on here sometimes) but you might get some good pointers too.

Original poster
RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 29/12/2023 21:35

changefromhr · 29/12/2023 19:28

@RudolphComingIntoLandOver You could post some key points on here for some advice if you want? Some advice might be dud (some weird armchair lawyers on here sometimes) but you might get some good pointers too.

Thanks, but I’m not sure how much of a good idea it is to post much of it here. My main confusion is around the complexity of it and what that means for grievance vs constructive dismissal. If it’s already at the point of disrepair then what is the point of a grievance? Yet at the same time everything suggests you need a grievance or you could have any claim reduced unless you can show it really is beyond repair. Which I feel it is but they may not agree. So I’m submitting a grievance anyway to just lodge it, but essentially that forms the basis of my claim. However, the constructive dismissal is just the cumulative element - the actual issue(s) are repeated discrimination that have reached the point where I’m left without a choice (I feel).

OP posts:
TenacityWins · 31/12/2023 13:06

@RudolphComingIntoLandOver your action could make them think twice before discriminating against someone else.

Check if your home insurance policy has Legal Expenses Insurance.

Calling · 31/12/2023 13:17

Try for a settlement?

Weedoormatnomore · 31/12/2023 13:18

Nope worked my notice and left they where still going on about they hadn't been asked for a reference everyday of my last week. Had proof of them. Threatening to give a bad one! New job happy to listen to me as why would anyone refuse to let someone go early if that shit they had my replacement but wanted me to train them. I had a case been told be HR friend.

TenacityWins · 31/12/2023 14:30

@Doggymummar what percentage of your schedule of loss did the £10K reflect? I assume the £10K was an out of court settlement before the hearing started?