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Original poster

Co-worker not funny

31 replies

Nadolig · 16/12/2023 20:37

At work the other day I was sat in my office on a teams meeting when a coworker has banged on my window aggressively and pulled faces, thinking it was funny. I've finished the meeting and have shouted at him not to do that again as it was unprofessional. He's then apologised and started to joke around. Cut a long story short, he's had time to think about it overnight and has cone to my office yesterday, told me that I need to listen to him and that I'm the one who is unprofessional for what I did to him. The air turned slightly blue to put it mildly and then he's left only to return seconds later to ask for something work related which I said for him to speak to a manager not me. He has been berating me for months and I've always stood up for myself but I think it's getting out of hand now. Should I put a greiviance in or just ignore him?

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 16/12/2023 20:43

Is this an ongoing culture of jokes that go a bit far, swearing and boisterous behaviour, just him towards you or a new development?

Mistlebough · 16/12/2023 20:45

Yes report

Catandsquirrel · 16/12/2023 20:45

Just asking to get a handle on whether this is a wider issue or he is bullying you specifically as I think the approach might be different.

Irridescantshimmmer · 16/12/2023 20:52

Yes, raise a grievance.

His attitude is unprofessional and diabolical.

He'll just carry on pushing boundaries until he' suffers consequences, to the inconvenience of yourself, otherwise

His immaturity is his downfall, he's a fool.

Original poster
Nadolig · 16/12/2023 20:52

Yes. Even when I say "Hello how are you?" He says something sarcastic back as I leave when he starts his shift so he'll say something like "oh part timer going home now" when in fact I'm full time. He's also shouted things over the car park when I'm walking to my car. I usually just laugh it off but recently I've been telling him to shut up cos he's getting on my nerves now.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2023 20:55

I've finished the meeting and have shouted at him not to do that again as it was unprofessional.

You can't claim the professional high ground when your way of confronting him was to shout.

You need to stop speaking to him and go to your manager.

Justfinking · 16/12/2023 20:58

I think you overreacted and should lighten up

Original poster
Nadolig · 16/12/2023 20:59

It's been going on for a few months and I should have listened to my gut instinct to ignore him from the start but he is insistent on getting attention. I should never have retaliated to him. I think he's going to put a greiviance in on me now for shouting at him even though he was in the wrong in the first place.

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 16/12/2023 21:30

Could you speak (followed in writing) to HR/ line management and explain what's been happening and request mediation in the first instance?. Things seem to be on an odd footing and I wonder whether they could be brought round to a civil one.

Hipnotised · 17/12/2023 15:33

If you really think he's going to raise a grievance my advice would be to write down as much detail of both events as you can remember.

If you were the one who swore at him then you should apologise.

OhComeOnFFS · 17/12/2023 15:45

You should report this first thing Monday morning.

When you say you shouted and the air was blue, do you mean you were swearing at him when you were shouting?

What kind of environment is this?

Either way he should be disciplined for banging on the window like that.

Neriah · 17/12/2023 18:16

You are both shouting and swearing at each other? I'd discipline you both.

Original poster
Nadolig · 17/12/2023 18:49

Neriah · 17/12/2023 18:16

You are both shouting and swearing at each other? I'd discipline you both.

But it's acceptable for him to bang on my window though for no other reason than to be funny? Granted, I shouldn't have shouted at him afterwards but he's the one who came to my office to shout at me the following day even though we both apologised the previous evening when I was leaving the building!

OP posts:
Neriah · 17/12/2023 20:47

Nadolig · 17/12/2023 18:49

But it's acceptable for him to bang on my window though for no other reason than to be funny? Granted, I shouldn't have shouted at him afterwards but he's the one who came to my office to shout at me the following day even though we both apologised the previous evening when I was leaving the building!

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Did I say that? No I didn't. You are both acting like children. Who started it is irrelevant. You were both shouting and swearing at each other - you both need to learn that you are in a workplace and not a playground.

Aprilx · 17/12/2023 22:48

Nadolig · 17/12/2023 18:49

But it's acceptable for him to bang on my window though for no other reason than to be funny? Granted, I shouldn't have shouted at him afterwards but he's the one who came to my office to shout at me the following day even though we both apologised the previous evening when I was leaving the building!

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No, nobody has said that it is ok for him to bang on your window. But you shouting at him was not the correct way to deal with it. You sound equally unprofessional. I took it that you were partly responsible for the “air going blue” the following day?

Original poster
Nadolig · 17/12/2023 23:38

Aprilx · 17/12/2023 22:48

No, nobody has said that it is ok for him to bang on your window. But you shouting at him was not the correct way to deal with it. You sound equally unprofessional. I took it that you were partly responsible for the “air going blue” the following day?

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Actually no, I didn't swear at him. I sat and listened to him rant and he called me a "female dog" a few times( not sure if you're allowed to write the correct term on here) in which I then told him to leave my office. I shouted at him the previous night when he banged 3 times on the window (and I mean bang not knocked) and I apologised to him when I was leaving the premisis. As far as I was concerned on Thursday evening, the matter was over. He apologised and I apologised. He's the one who has bought up the matter again the following evening. Like I've said in my previous message, he has been berating me for months and I've shrugged it off more or less and I have never seen him behave like this with anyone else apart from me. Not sure if it's because I'm new or if it's because I've started to stand up for myself.

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 18/12/2023 05:00

So you shouted in alarm mostly after he banged on the window and didn't swear plus you apologised? Write down everything that has happened and put in a report. Calling you that is way beyond acceptable.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 18/12/2023 05:40

He called you a bitch and doesn't do it to anyone else? Go to your LM!

merrymelodies · 18/12/2023 06:03

Are there any witnesses? Otherwise it's a case of your word against his.

wildwestpioneer · 18/12/2023 06:05

Make a list of all the things he's done and speak to your manager about if, document the conversation and take on board any device your manager gives you. If he does t stop then contact hr

Finlesswonder · 19/12/2023 06:45

What is up with your use of tenses? Argh!!

Original poster
Nadolig · 19/12/2023 17:40

Thanks everyone! Just to update you, my manager has spoken to both of us and the matter has now (hopefully!)been resolved. I've been told off for shouting at him (and rightly so before anyone comes for me!) but he is getting a written warning for banging on the window and for swearing at me. Unbeknown to me, a lot of people are complaining about him and my manager is getting fed-up. I will be ignoring him from now on.

OP posts:
Catsfrontbum · 19/12/2023 17:47

That’s a really positive outcome. Hopefully he will stop being a total bell end at work.

TinselTitts · 19/12/2023 18:04

You'd both be disciplined where I work, for all the shouting and swearing.

Him more than you admittedly.

TinselTitts · 19/12/2023 18:05

Sorry, didn't see your update before I typed that.

That's good then OP.