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Original poster

Was I right to raise this at my performance review?

40 replies

ripofftuna · 15/12/2023 08:49

I have a bi-monthly performance review with my manager. Had one recently that went alright. My manager asked if I had any concerns/would I like to raise anything. So for background;

Recently worked on a major project. An email went out to the company and clients lauding the success of the project. It detailed the role that different staff played. I wasn't included despite spending months on it. To add insult to injury, the manager's cousin who has left the company had his name included. To be fair to him, he probably did more work on it than I did, but convention is to include the names of people who played a sizeable role - I certainly did.

I politely said that I couldn't help but notice that I wasn't included on the email/press article. And if I was being perfectly honest, I felt a bit "scorned" by it. Could you explain why I wasn't included?

Manager took it very personally and basically snapped at me that I don't get to bring emotion into it. You can't say you felt scorned by something, that's completely unprofessional. I explain that it wasn't a criticism of the manager, but they said they had taken it as a personal critique and were not happy. Manager explained the reason for including me which was that they wanted as few names on the list as possible.

Was I right to bring it up?

OP posts:

geckofrog · 15/12/2023 08:51

His reaction is odd

AgnesX · 15/12/2023 08:53

You were right to bring it up but maybe the choice of words was wrong. Maybe just asking why your contribution wasn't recognised might have been better.

OwlWeiwei · 15/12/2023 08:54

Sounds like your manager wad happy enough to bring emotion into their response, so that's a concerning double standard!

I'd just store that infor away for the future and next time speak with no visible emotion, just straight facts, focused on business: I wasn't mentioned on that email and I should have been. i put in a lot of work and it is important to me that if the company notes other workers' contributions, then mine should be noted too.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 15/12/2023 08:54

I think you were right to yes.

Some people might not have used the word scorned but his was a complete over reaction to have taken it so personally (and after telling you not to bring emotion into it, a tad hypocritical?!). Sounds like he's not cut out to be a manager navies dealing with people and their issues is literally his job.

If it was me I'd have the weekend to reflect and possibly when the dust has settled be tempted to follow up with a factual email stating you were disappointed to have been left off and staying the specific tangible contributions you made to the project.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 15/12/2023 08:54

You were quite right to raise this and your manager is one bringing emotion to this not you. Manager's behaviour is unprofessional and a bit pathetic.

hermioneee · 15/12/2023 08:54

So you don't get to bring emotion into it but he does when you brought it up?
What emotions are permitted when the email goes out?

You were right to bring it up.

geckofrog · 15/12/2023 08:57

Have you got any concerns?
No not that one.

Ridiculous behaviour from the manager

Original poster

ripofftuna · 15/12/2023 09:03

I think I hit a nerve with the manager. Think they knew I should have really been included and had hoped I wouldn't notice. That's the only way I can explain it.

OP posts:

zingtring · 15/12/2023 09:17

I think I would have just asked why my name wasn't on the list but your manager (he or she) should have just fallen on their sword and apologised - classic "attack as best form of defence" showing immaturity and inability to control their emotions.

Startingagainandagain · 15/12/2023 09:33

You were absolutely right to raise it. The manager is the one showing inappropriate 'emotion'.

I would keep a close eye from now on as to whether they are actively trying to undermine you behind your back and routinely downplaying your achievements...

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 15/12/2023 10:50

If in doubt at work I've learned to Document. Everything. Even if it's just a scribble on a post it note you can pop away in a draw. Dates, times, names, if possible exact words that were said

HalebiHabibti · 15/12/2023 10:52

Did the manager write the email and send it? In that case they feel guilty

elizzza · 15/12/2023 11:21

I think “scorned” was a weird way to put it but you were totally right to bring it up, and manager is the one who reacted unprofessionally and from a place of emotion. It definitely sounds like they realised they’d messed up and deflected because they haven’t learnt how to deal with that.

Aprilx · 15/12/2023 17:11

I think you were right to bring it up, but you could have done so with less emotive language. I would have just asked why I was not mentioned, I wouldn’t have said I felt scorned.

Frasers · 15/12/2023 17:16

Maybe it is the word you used? Scorn means rejected with disdain or contempt. I cannot for the life of me see how this was scorn.

i do think you were wrong. The best way would be to simply to ask why your name wasn’t included. He’s right he can’t name everyone. If you feel you played a major part you could then have explained why there were others named who did the same or less than you and are more junior to you (managers can do less but would be mentioned ).

disappointed would be the correct word, no? I can see why he was shocked you felt scorned.

Frasers · 15/12/2023 17:21

Op did you use the wrong word?did you maybe think scorn meant something else?

HunterBidensBurnerPhone · 15/12/2023 17:24

It doesnt matter if she used the wrong word. The word 'scorned' isn't so offensive as to justify his pathetic hissy fit response.

Neriah · 15/12/2023 17:26

AgnesX · 15/12/2023 08:53

You were right to bring it up but maybe the choice of words was wrong. Maybe just asking why your contribution wasn't recognised might have been better.

I agree with this. I think you are right to ask the question, but being "scorned" is OTT.

Blogswife · 15/12/2023 17:29

Of course you are right to bring it up . A performance review is surely the place to give & receive feedback . Your manager didn’t have to agree but they should listen to valid concerns without getting defensive
Sounds like they can’t handle the feedback OP rendering the whole process pointless imo !

Neriah · 15/12/2023 17:31

HunterBidensBurnerPhone · 15/12/2023 17:24

It doesnt matter if she used the wrong word. The word 'scorned' isn't so offensive as to justify his pathetic hissy fit response.

I may have missed something here, but the OP seems to have carefully NOT given the sex of their manager. Would your opinion be the same if she had a "pathetic hissy fit"?

Scorn is defined as pouring disdain or contempt on someone. They simply didn't list their name. Hardly the same thing.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/12/2023 17:33

Sorry, but the use of the word "scorned" was just ridiculous and way over the top.

HunterBidensBurnerPhone · 15/12/2023 17:38

Neriah · 15/12/2023 17:31

I may have missed something here, but the OP seems to have carefully NOT given the sex of their manager. Would your opinion be the same if she had a "pathetic hissy fit"?

Scorn is defined as pouring disdain or contempt on someone. They simply didn't list their name. Hardly the same thing.

Show quote history

Yes I'd say exactly the same if the manager is a woman.

"Scorned" might've been a clumsy choice of word but it's not in and if itself devastatingly offensive. The manager ought to have been able to cope with hearing it and to have taken it in the spirit it was obviously meant given the context.

Also, the OP was saying what she felt, she wasn't accusing the manager of doing anything. The manager's reaction was totally over the top and inappropriate.

DRS1970 · 15/12/2023 17:42

If your manager didn't want to be critiqued, maybe they shouldn't have afforded you the opportunity to pass on any comments. If they felt critiqued by your comment, then how on earth do they think you feel about being omitted. What a knob!

bananablues · 15/12/2023 17:44

Yes, you were right to bring up been left off the communication and your managers responser speaks volumes about how you are regarded, internal politics (favouritism) and how management see the team & contributors.

Make a note of all this and consider it a card marked against if you find yourself in this position again.

Fannyfiggs · 15/12/2023 17:47

Why is everyone getting their knickers in a twist about the OP using the word scorned. That might be the way she felt. She didn't call anyone a cunt or was rude as far as I can see.

The manager is totally at fault here. Why they couldn't just own it and apologise is beyond me.

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