Was I right to raise this at my performance review?

[ripofftuna]

I have a bi-monthly performance review with my manager. Had one recently that went alright. My manager asked if I had any concerns/would I like to raise anything. So for background;

Recently worked on a major project. An email went out to the company and clients lauding the success of the project. It detailed the role that different staff played. I wasn't included despite spending months on it. To add insult to injury, the manager's cousin who has left the company had his name included. To be fair to him, he probably did more work on it than I did, but convention is to include the names of people who played a sizeable role - I certainly did.

I politely said that I couldn't help but notice that I wasn't included on the email/press article. And if I was being perfectly honest, I felt a bit "scorned" by it. Could you explain why I wasn't included?

Manager took it very personally and basically snapped at me that I don't get to bring emotion into it. You can't say you felt scorned by something, that's completely unprofessional. I explain that it wasn't a criticism of the manager, but they said they had taken it as a personal critique and were not happy. Manager explained the reason for including me which was that they wanted as few names on the list as possible.

Was I right to bring it up?

Right to raise it, but I think your wording could have been better.

It was unlikely to be a personal slight, so talk about the impact on your career progression and the reflection that it has on your work achievements and your performance record - the lack of acknowledgement that you made a significant contribution to a successful project - rather than the impact on your feelings.

Absolutely poor management on his part.

Why is everyone getting their knickers in a twist about the OP using the word scorned.

Because words matter. The definition of scorned is to feel or express contempt or derision for. To scorn someone is deliberate and malicious, and to essentially accuse your boss of doing this to you is very foolish indeed, especially when there's absolutely no evidence supporting this or history behind it. If I were the op's boss, I wouldn't take kindly to that kind of accusation either.

The op's boss was definitely wrong to not include them in the write-up, and I think it's great that the op brought it to their attention, but the op should have chosen their words more carefully.

Maybe that's how the OP felt, that it was deliberate and malicious? Yes, other words could have been used but the manager should have diffused the situation and not blown it up.

So many shit line managers out there that should not be let loose managing people in a workplace.

Yeah I’m not sure, he snapped at her she said. That doesn’t equate to hissy fit in my book, and told her not to bring emotion into it, which tells me something more to this, potentially in her delivery, and why would she say it wasn’t a personal critique, and he said he’d taken it that way.

no one would take “I feel scorned as I wasn’t included”as a personal critique. So there is much more to this in terms of the conversation.

and words matter. If I was the ops manager and she said to me she felt scorned as she wasn’t mentioned, I’d be bemused and think she didn’t know what the word meant, I’d query it. Not go on about emotion and personal critiques, the two don’t tie together.

It is on the manager to ensure the right people are given credit for their contribution and they failed to do that. And then failed to show humility when their omission was highlighted by the OP.

I would have used "under-appreciated and excluded" rather than scorned which sounds like a deliberate act, but then again maybe it was done on purpose, not enough information to know. if theOP thinks it was deliberate, then feeling scorned is a valid feeling to have.

ETA the manager sounds like he/she has a very thin skin if they can't handle the facts

OPS choice of words are completely irrelevant when we're discussing the manager's response (and actually it's a mangers job to defuse any perceived emotion and get to the root of issues to discuss and help move forward). Clearly if she'd been abusive that would make things more tricky.

The manger failed here

Agree with pp that the managers response was inappropriate and disproportionate and suggests there's perhaps more to it

You were right to bring it up and your choice of words was fine. He doesn't sound like he is comfortable receiving feedback - and that's real managerial red flag.

Next time structure this kind of feedback in a more formal way, use the SBI model. That way there is no room for him to turn it back on you.

STAR is helpful also and I have found helps me to articulate what I need to say with as little emotion as possible. Not because I think emotiona is wrong per say - there's times when people need to know how strongly you feel - but it helps me not get bogged down as it's easier for someone to talk their way out of things.

Keep fact based whenever you can

Hence why I think a follow up email will be helpful so actually the last record of your conversation is factual and more difficult to be brushed under the carpet

You were right to raise it.

’Scorned’ was an accusatory choice of words though. It should have been clear that you were not deliberately being ‘scorned’ and that no one was deliberately targeting you for insult.

Your manager’s reaction was OTT but that was quite inflammatory language.

Put it down to a learning experience. Next time use more fact based language. You had put considerable work into a project and you noticed you were not mentioned on xxx. You were wondering g why that was.

If he replies it was due to space, you could reply that it feels like your significant contribution was not publicly recognized, if you want. You would need to be able to justify why your contribution was equal in worth to those mentioned though. Press releases are necessarily brief summaries.

If a manger finds the word scorned to be inflammatory then with respect he needs to step down as he is not cut out for the job

Yeah but most managers are not these ideal models. Nearly all are promoted on their technical expertise in their field, not their managerial competence, and still less their people management competence.

So back in the real world we are all best learning g how to handle conversations with them in ways that are constructive for ourselves, rather than triggering conflict.

This, 100%.

Scorned is, in it’s original meaning, a really emotionally charged, strong word and my eyebrows shot up when I read that you’d used it in a work context.

I don’t think you were necessarily wrong to ask your manager why you weren’t included in the email, but I don’t think your performance review was the place for it and I think your wording was weird.

HOWEVER… I also think their reaction was bizarre, unprofessional and OTT.

So I think everyone was a bit unreasonable. <pulls splinters out of arse>

Agree but in terms of moving on and next steps this isn't something that can really be held against OP. She felt how she felt. He's above her rank wise and as such is paid to take a degree of perceived flack. Hence follow up with an email after having time to sleep on things.

I guess also emphasising even more how woefully unprofessional manager is.