Not allowed to talk to other staff

[LowLevelGrumpMostly]

We had a restructuring which has combined two teams plus a few randoms under a newly hired VP. I’m the only one in the UK but the rest of my old team do hybrid. The new VP is in a different time zone to everyone and weekly meetings are at 3am so I can’t attend. I haven’t been introduced to some of the people who’ve joined the team and when I asked to be was told no, new manager wants all interactions to go via them.

I’ve also been told I shouldn’t call my team mates and all interactions must be in writing with new boss cc:d or included on team threads. I’m probably the most experienced and knowledgeable in the team so was relied on a lot by other colleagues and new boss seems very out of their depth. It’s getting kind of lonely.

I’m well paid and negotiated a very tight contract, part time, school friendly hours, no travel, very defined role. New boss really doesn’t like my lack of availability in their time zone and keeps trying to palm off parts of their role they don’t seem to fancy or aren’t experienced with. I don’t have the time to take on additional work beyond my core as the job share I worked with left shortly before the restructure. I earn £65k for 3 days and would struggle to negotiate such a good contract in current climate and part time is rare in my sector. The new boss is highly critical and negative towards me but I’m very lonely. A few team mates have reached out via out of company channels saying they aren’t happy, experiencing similar, are too scared to talk to me as told not too.

So do I wait it out and hope execs twig, jump ship, talk to HR (none UK more discipline than wellness vibe). Having worked remotely I don’t have connections other than old team and worked via my previous wonderful boss who retired.

That's an excellent salary for three days a week and hours that suit your family commitments. I'd put up with a lot of crap for that money and those hours.

Unless you are in a position where you don't need to work, I'd stick it out for the moment and try raising your concerns with HR. That doesn't mean you can't look for something else, but I wouldn't chuck that salary and those hours away without having another job I felt good about lined up.

That's an excellent salary for three days a week and hours that suit your family commitments. I'd put up with a lot of crap for that money and those hours.

I have to admit that I would as well.

I agree, well done OP that's a great salary. How many hours do you work during those 3 days? I'd say stick it out for a while and then speak to HR as suggested above. Stay patient, think of it this way, there are so many people out there struggling with terrible work conditions, low pay etc. You're in a far better position than them, be positive and patient, things will work out.

Suck it up for three days a week on that wage.

I might have a quiet chat with someone.

Are they trying to generate evidence that your hours prevent you from supporting the team?

Have you emailed - because you want it in writing - to clarify the reasoning behind the new rules around contacting team members?

You could consider a chat with your manager's manager, informally.

For 3 days a week on that wage with that flexibility I would also just suck it up

I would try and find another job, to be able to negotiate that salary at those hours I’m guessing you are very good at what you do. So quietly look elsewhere to see if you could get a similar deal and in the meantime just keep repeating’just keep swimming, just keep swimming’ until you are out. Definitely plan to leave or talk to someone though as that work environment sounds horrible!!

Make sure you join a union if you're not already in one.

Yes, as Midnight says, new boss could be pushing you out (though tbf it sounds like they are just randomly crap). Definitely email to ask politely for clarification. Emails generally go better if you meet occasionally so this would assist the smooth running of the team. Could the team meeting be rescheduled occasionally (once a month?) to a time you could make?(sounds like an 11 am in Singapore if it's your 3 am, 5 -6 pm there would be 9 - 10 am, is this possible? If not (even if so) could you attend once a month? I've been to many Singaporean meetings in uk time and, while I'm knackered that day, it doesn't extend out like jet lag. Plus your kids will be asleep.

Also definitely (and in writing) check what boss wants you to not do if you're doing their grunt work.

Apart from that, enthusiastically and joyously copy them in on everything. Don't think they'll be so keen on it after a while. It also means they realise you're actually doing lots of stuff (which might be their concern). Good luck

So you're not supposed to interact with your colleagues socially (I mean at work but for a bit of a chitchat) Or about work, or both?

I don't think that's reasonable or tenable myself, it's a strange way to run things. Isolation and loneliness are damaging to your mental health.

If someone where I work told me not to talk to someone (actually this has happened to me) or people not to talk to me. we'd consider it to be bullying.

I understand you're not likely to get such a good deal flexibility/salary wise elsewhere though so I think that makes it trickier.

I think I would write to new boss, politely covering:

• you’re keen to have a good working relationship and understand their priorities - is there a time you could schedule a weekly check in? ( I would try and offer to find a slot within 0700 - 1900 UK time if you can manage that with childcare once a week)
• offer to share experience / mentor colleagues (new manager might be too insecure to accept just yet, preferring to keep control, but I’d want it on record that I offered)
• clarifying how they want task/project updates, or however your sector describes it (this is to pre-empt any later claims by new manager that they didn’t know what you were doing / weren’t delivering)
• Like PP, I would try and join the team meeting once a month if only to chirpily / bravely mention it’s 0300 when it’s your turn to give your update (in case rest of team aren’t aware why you don’t join normally, since your manager is preventing communication).

There are things about the job that you value (salary and flexibility) so it’s worth making sure you protect your position proactively, rather than just “sitting tight” and worrying they will decide you are too expensive / inflexible.

Is there any chance your retired manager would be up for informally mentoring you, especially if well-connected in the industry, as they might have better advice or be able to recommend other openings?

The boss either is very Victorian or manipulative. Yes ask for the rules in writing, ask for the reasoning behind the changes. Does HR know? Does his manager know?

That may be true, but there's a lot of assumptions on this thread based on UK experience. Much of the rest of the world has employment and terms that are not remotely like ours. For starters, even in the UK, HR is about protecting the employers interests, not the employees. And in many countries it is simply there to execute the employers requirements - and I used "execute" deliberately. Employment protectioons are almost non-existant in many places; even where UK law might technically apply, holding foreign employers to account can be nigh on impossible. Hierarchies are often absolute - common sense or who is right matter less than doing as you are told, when you are told. Rocking the boat is not acceptable.

Given the OP has a very good deal - and frankly, being honest, is very inflexible in a businerss world where flexibility is highly regarded - then I would be extremely cautious about rocking the boat unless I was prepared for the fact that I might lose my job over it. If others are unhappy as well, let them express it to the employers. Getting dragged into such conversations may not be the best idea.

If those terms are important to me, and if I have few better options available, then I would sit pretty, do my job, and let the rest flow over me. I would only be looking to act if something is detrimental to my continued performance (and therefore potentially giving an excuse to get rid of me).

Suck it up for the hours and the salary, definitely.

But also you could just be hyper friendly and introduce yourself, your responsibilities and your hours on the team thread for everyone to see.

Agree with cc'ing your manager to the extent they get fed up.

Thank you for all the opinions, most of them do ring very true. Yes I am inflexible but was headhunted and negotiated 9-5 hours. Full time my role would pay £120k plus bonuses (none in this role) but involve significant hassle, travel, out of hours.

Yes it’s totally zero direct contact with anyone other than new boss work or chit chat related (there wasn’t much of that). Role is mid term strategy, planning stuff 3-9 months out so nobody ever needs to contact me and get a response same day or even same week usually. Before Dave would send email direct saying can you review and polish project x plan. We’d have a call edit together etc. Now Dave sends new boss email saying I need Grumps help, boss then forwards Dave’s email and I have to reply to them on every point needed discussing and it’s much slower. It’s not even cc and I suspect other emails I don’t see.

I fully appreciate I had it too good. But with zero contact other than negative new boss and no longer in loop I am demoralised and lonely. I don’t really have many friends as we live rural. Partner manages part of a factory and long sometimes anti social shifts hence why negotiated so hard for 9-5 myself.

I am unhappy and stressed, the uncertainty of bosses intentions and motivations concern me. Nobody has visibility on my work really. Managers manager is in a third country C-level and zero contact other than name.

Boss is clearly struggling and some projects (not mine) now behind so I’m hoping keep head down and problem might go away. Paranoid boss may be trying to pin failures on anyone they can though.

Some work can only be done with my input so I hold a few cards but as someone said it’s not a culture of meritocracy but hierarchy.

Thank you so much for support. It’s such a relief to share.

This is a good summary. Letting it flow is very hard when unhappy but the theory spot on.

Yes I do suspect an element of sabotage towards me but from the few bits others shared others experience similar and wonder if any scapegoat will do.

Thank you for reminding me this! They headhunted me and tried 4 times over 7 years.

Thank you for reminding me this! They headhunted me and tried 4 times over 7 years.

This is a good summary. Letting it flow is very hard when unhappy but the theory spot on.

Yes I do suspect an element of sabotage towards me but from the few bits others shared others experience similar and wonder if any scapegoat will do.

I agree and would suck it up & attend the three am meeting once a week.

Are you friendly with any other seniors. Could you ask for some advice. It's no good for your self esteem working for a micro manager. I suspect he feels out of his depth and out of control so is managing the things he can control. It's not efficient and you are clearly able to communicate with colleagues before he arrived. It's not a productive use of his time. Do you have an anonymous hr feedback form. I used one recently with my new boss and things have improved a bit.

Brush up the CV and LinkedIn post, OP - you were massively headhunted on a fab salary and initial hours on your terms.

Now things have gone pear shaped, you're not happy and it may well get worse.

Start hunting for better.

You're worth it.

I'm inclined to agree that your inclination to keep your head down and hope the problem resolves itself is probably the best course of action to take.

Managers like this do tend to crash and burn after a relatively short while. You're not the only person to be finding things difficult at the moment, and it won't take long before before word gets to the top.

No I don’t have any relationships beyond old team and restructuring means my managers boss is literally just a name. As someone else said HR in this culture is more about discipline than wellness.

One member of old team tried to leave as unhappy too and was refused their release letter (legal in their country). Which is perverse that boss has made them unhappy but wants to keep someone. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable they must feel. UK employment conditions and law are unusually good. At least I get some protections and can leave!

If the full time rate is £120k then £65k is not a good rate of pay for a 60% role. I would definitely explore moving on. In a post pandemic world there do seem to be more opportunities for hybrid, flexible and more part time opportunities and you may be surprised to find somewhere that will take you on and pay the proper pro rata rate for you.

I felt it was a decent rate as in UK the marginal tax rate above £100k means you get very little (very similar to why most GPs won’t do more than 3 days) but the lack of travel and 9-5 was huge benefit. Plus nice efficient team and people-I enjoyed it. Part time still very rare in my field.