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Original poster

Offered new job that I'm not good enough for

46 replies

OuttaMyDepth · 22/11/2023 17:13

I have been offered a job that I won't be any good at. I definitely did over sell myself at an interview and imply that I'm very confident, good with people, good at handling difficult situations and in reality I'm not. I'm quite awkward and anxious and don't always know how to navigate situations with people I don't know that well. The role involves a lot of approaching people in difficult situations, providing advice and support and advocating for them to others. I'd need to be really proactive and good with people and I just think I'm not. I told my husband the day to day aspects of the role and he laughed at how not me it is. It's a step up responsibility and salary wise, it's a proper job rather than the kind of thing I've been doing which I'm so bored of. I wish I was confident and could take it but I just know if I do when I'm in these situations I won't know what to say and I'll feel uncomfortable and withdraw rather than take the lead and make others feel at ease. I have to turn it down, don't I?

OP posts:
DeepEnd · 22/11/2023 17:20

You got the job. Fake it till you make it.

youveturnedupwelldone · 22/11/2023 17:23

No you absolutely don't!!! Your husband is absolutely awful for undermining you like that.

It's really, really common to feel like you wont be able to do a new job (just been through this myself!) and it soon gets even a bit better as you learn the role and develop your skills. And that helps your confidence grow.

Just remember - you applied, so you must want the job. They hired you - so they want you to work for them!

Good luck, hope it goes well!

YourDiscoNeedsYou · 22/11/2023 17:26

Noooo. You can learn that sort of stuff. You can act however you want to act in a new role.

Loopytiles · 22/11/2023 17:27

Ignore your H

hexsnidgett · 22/11/2023 17:31

I felt like this when I started a new job. Within a couple of months I was worried I would end up bored and unchallenged.
Starting a new job is so daunting and job descriptions often bear little resemblance to the actual work day to day.
Don't sell yourself short, give it a chance and look after yourself.
CakeBrew

ToriTheStoryteller · 22/11/2023 17:35

It's a difficult one. Do you really believe you can't do it or is it you talking yourself out of it, putting yourself down?
What made you go for it and believe you could do it originally?

If you think it's a case of lacking confidence and fear of the new but you feel deep down that you could do it, go for it.
BUT, if what you thought you were applying for (and thought you were good enough to apply) has turned out to be very different now you've had the interview, think about whether it could cause so much stress, and the pent-up emotion of faking it all day, that it might not be good for your health.
Other jobs are always coming along. It's not a case of either new scary job or old boring one forever.

user628468523532453 · 22/11/2023 17:36

If you struggle with anxiety around people, is taking a job that's all about people a good idea? Would you cope with that or would you sink?

Only you know whether this would be a stretching role that you could happily grow into, or an overloading role that will cause a nervous breakdown.

It's okay to turn down a job if you've realised it's not a good fit for you - that knowledge will help you find a better fit in your job search.

user628468523532453 · 22/11/2023 17:38

Other jobs are always coming along. It's not a case of either new scary job or old boring one forever.

Absolutely this.

GatherlyGal · 22/11/2023 17:39

I have to do lots of things in my job which 'aren't me' but you learn and things become much less scary when you've done them a few times.

It depends whether you want to challenge yourself or not. It's fine if you don't but might you regret not giving it a go?

If you've been offered the job then presumably at least one person thinks you do have the required skills.

GatherlyGal · 22/11/2023 17:41

Also if you oversold yourself at interview that suggests some confidence and communication skills you can draw on again.

Elmeux · 22/11/2023 17:47

Aah, it's really tough in an interview when you try and sell yourself but without overselling yourself. I went into a new leadership job the week before I went on maternity leave. I knew at that point I'd be good at it, but am absolutely drowning now I'm back from maternity leave. I'm plagued with self doubt and a lack of confidence. I self referred to my local Psychological and Wellbeing service and have been having some CBT to try and work through some of these issues and it's definitely helping. I will say that you must have come across well in the interview, and they must have had the belief in you to offer you the job. So you obviously can deal and interact well will strangers. As others have said, fake it until you make it and maybe with some additional help you can realise that you are good enough for this job. Good luck x

Shakeylegs · 22/11/2023 17:52

You should absolutely take the job. They offered it to you based on how you came across, not just on what you said. And I can guarantee that your humility and self awareness will make you a much more popular and successful colleague than a lot of people.

If I’ve learned one thing in 20+ years of senior management it’s that most people don’t really have a clue what they’re doing, especially at the start. Give it a go, please. It might turn out great, and if not then what have you lost?

user628468523532453 · 22/11/2023 17:57

It depends whether you want to challenge yourself or not. It's fine if you don't but might you regret not giving it a go?

There are healthy achievable challenges and there are damaging unachievable challenges.

It's also possible to regret taking a job that was a bad fit then crashing and burning.

Regret is a normal human emotion, you will always experience it in some form. Making decisions based solely on regret-avoidance just gets people into toxic situations.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 22/11/2023 17:58

"Women go for jobs they can do; Men go for jobs they think they ought to be able to do".

Stop worrying!

SwedishSchnauzer · 22/11/2023 18:00

Imposter syndrome?

Paperbagsaremine · 22/11/2023 18:02

Talk us through what aspects of the job made you apply?

Kitkat1523 · 22/11/2023 18:05

I agree with PP….fake it til you make it

ErrolTheDragon · 22/11/2023 18:13

I'm quite awkward and anxious and don't always know how to navigate situations with people I don't know that well.

You must be a bit better at those things than you think to have succeeded at the interview.

HermioneN · 22/11/2023 18:14

Do it! A process was followed, you were the best person there, it's your job.

If you're as anxious as you make out you wouldn't have been able to mask it for the whole interview, I have never seen anyone do it and I have been in a lot of interviews.

And don't listen to your husband, my dad did exactly this to my mum, how he saw her capability was entirely about what suited him, not her, she'd have smashed it...

Aquamarine1029 · 22/11/2023 18:16

Fucking hell, op, champion yourself for once in your life! You got the job so they clearly see something in you they want. Get in there, take it one day at a time, and fake it til you make it.

You can ABSOLUTELY do this.

Nottodaty · 22/11/2023 18:17

I recently started a new job, massive step up and new things to learn. I was surprised to get the role ! After 12 years in my previous company with little move up and no decent salary increases over the years. I had lost my confidence quite a bit!l & was terrified to even go for it.

Nearly 6 months into it - I love it. It’s hard work and a constant learning curve but not a single regret. You are more capable than you realise and deserve this :)

SwedishEdith · 22/11/2023 18:38

Thing is, you're thinking you need to be perfect from day 1. You'll be working with other people and, presumably, have some training or opportunities to shadow people. So you'll learn techniques and strategies for dealing with difficult people. And, frankly, lots of people with that in their job description are not brilliant at it but they're good enough. Try it, ask for support and then, if it's really not for you, look for something with the skills you've learned but more suited to your preferences and strengths.

coxesorangepippin · 22/11/2023 18:39

No, you don't need to turn it down.

And I don't ever want to see a title like that on this forum ever again.

No man would EVER say that.

PiggieWig · 22/11/2023 18:41

Imposter syndrome is alive and kicking. You wouldn’t have got the job if they didn’t think you could do it and if you could blag your way through the interview you must have some confidence.
There will be opportunities to learn. Everyone starts somewhere. Scary situations get easier every time you do them. Give it a go. What have you got to lose? No-one ever got anywhere without a few risks and challenges.

Neriah · 22/11/2023 18:49

Keep the job. Think about the husband! If you can fake it at interview, you can fake it every day until you realise that that person is you.

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