Offered new job that I'm not good enough for

[OuttaMyDepth]

I have been offered a job that I won't be any good at. I definitely did over sell myself at an interview and imply that I'm very confident, good with people, good at handling difficult situations and in reality I'm not. I'm quite awkward and anxious and don't always know how to navigate situations with people I don't know that well. The role involves a lot of approaching people in difficult situations, providing advice and support and advocating for them to others. I'd need to be really proactive and good with people and I just think I'm not. I told my husband the day to day aspects of the role and he laughed at how not me it is. It's a step up responsibility and salary wise, it's a proper job rather than the kind of thing I've been doing which I'm so bored of. I wish I was confident and could take it but I just know if I do when I'm in these situations I won't know what to say and I'll feel uncomfortable and withdraw rather than take the lead and make others feel at ease. I have to turn it down, don't I?

Could you ask to do a trial or shadow time? (for peace of mind type of thing, get to sound out whether colleagues will be supportive)

A few jobs I’ve certainly wished there has been this as an option, when I’ve gone to jobs where I thought I’d be blinding and known within a few hours on first day actually I’m not quite the right fit, this isn’t me no matter how well an interview went.

That said you can always look to learn about techniques in handling difficult situations / complaint handling and see that as the challenge to grow and have support that way.

Take it! You’ve just got cold feet or had your confidence knocked by an undermining/unsupportive husband. All of the stuff you are talking about is usually learnt on the job. Know what I do when I have to do non-introvert stuff? I imagine I’m an actress playing the part of a confident/competent person. I got the idea from Nicole Kian who did something similar, she was super shy and had to learn young how to fake it.

(This approach was also very useful during the exasperating baby years when I would imagine ‘What would a good mum do right now?’ And then act like a good mum.)

Some part of you wanted this. Give that part of you a chance to succeed. If it goes wrong so what? At least you tried.

He didn't mean it in a nasty way, just I am quite awkward and quiet and he knows that. I've always joked I'm a back office person and this job is the polar opposite which is why he said it couldn't be less me. But I think that's whats holding me back in life!

For me if you take a job and don’t have imposter syndrome it’s not a good move - job moves should take you out of comfort zone and expand skills

harness your inner bloke. Just imagine you’re a mediocre man, you’ll go far.

I remember 18 months ago saying to a friend that I didn't have the right personality for my current job... I felt I wasn't quite assertive or persuasive enough... but now I am actually known to be rather good at it, and I've moved onto a role which is a more sophisticated version of it. It was sheer practice that developed me.

On the other hand, in Spring 2021 I resigned from a job which technically I had the intellectual chops to do, but which on some level I didn't want to do. It wasn't the person I wanted to be.

Part of this is who do you want to be?

Why did you apply for the job? It’s rare someone would apply for a job completely out of their realm of possibility so there must be an underlying belief in yourself. I think pragmatically, look at the job description and person specs again, think about your skills.

This is a disaster waiting to happen. Don’t take it. People here saying “fake it until you make it” and “this is just imposter syndrome” don’t understand you. You cannot fake being person you aren’t until you magically become that person. No. Get a job you can tolerate.

Why did you apply for it?

Irrelevant.

I think you can fake it. I think plenty of people are faking in their jobs all the time. But it's about how convincingly you can fake something until it becomes a role you do without thinking. If the constant faking becomes stressful, then have a rethink.

I think you should give it a try - no one is good at a new job right out of the gate. This is totally natural cold feet.

They will expect a period of transition while you get up to speed - sound out opportunities for training/shadowing when you start.

If you're still struggling after six months then maybe rethink but I reckon on some level you think you can do the job, or you wouldn't have applied.

Take the job. Sign up for a training course (there are so many online ones) to build up specific people skills, confidence and leadership - learn the strategies. Then put them into practice when you start the new job. At the new place everyone will believe what you show them, so you have a huge opportunity to reinvent yourself.

If i needed someone to advocate me, to support me and signpost Me and guide me i'd
Want someone just like you.

Someone who listened more then they spoke. Was patient and kind. Not over confident or going to dominate me. Would listen to what i was ready for/felt able to do and would gently encourage me in a way i felt I could relate to. And would help me take steps and show me that even someone like me could pick up the phone and make the call or speak up for myself.

There are many ways to support people. And being loud and confident is only one. You obviously care about people or you wouldnt have applied. The other parts you can grow jnto.

I applied for and got a job I was hugely under qualified for. How I got it remains a mystery as even I know some if my interview answers were shit, one question I literally said "I don't actually know much about this" than just made up some stuff.

6 months later I got promoted. Bit of faking for a while but it turns out I'm actually very good at it.

I'm in a similar situation OP. My dilemma is that while I know I can 'fake it until I make it' and put on a good show at work, inwardly and at home I will be consumed with stress and anxiety. The question is how much and how long can I cope with this? Will it get better or will it overwhelm me? What are my priorities? Will I regret it more if I don't take the job than if I do?

Helpful.

Fake it till you make make it, I'm doing the exact same right now,

Well you can always go back to the 'back office' but if you don't try it you'll never know will you?
Something made you show the interviewers that side of your personality so it's already there. You've just got to stop being scared of it and harness and run with it.

If the job is "so not you", why did you apply? Why did you do a great interview? How did you get the job?

Clearly, you understand the role and find it appealing in sone way.

Shake off the temporary doubt and take the salary and role you actually wanted and get back to the mindset you had when you applied. You know you can do it, you've just started the self doubt most of us do after nailing a job we want. Shake if off!!