CHRISTMAS CANCELLED THE UNTHINKABLE

[Bippyone]

I am 72 and although i only have one child during the last 5 decades i have spent planning through, buying for, preparing and organising Christmas except when i have been in hospital. So... now i am an old lady and yet again lately after cooking meals for my grown up son who live alone and having a pile of washing up to do yet again even with my aches and pains i have decided to CANCEL CHRISTMAS and all future festivals. Why Christmas (and Diwali, Hanukkah and Eid) are cancelled in my household | Nilanjana Bhowmick | The Guardian

Well I haven’t cancelled Christmas yet but I have ‘delegated’ organising birthdays to DH.
Cue for not a lot happening and him basically delegating that to his (77yo) mum 😱😱

Not stepping back though.

Maybe tell your son to help clean up after you've cooked?

Maybe tell your son it's his turn to host this year.

Well yes telling my 43 year old son to host christmas this year would be a great idea only we both don't drive and there are no taxis on Christmas Day so i couldn't find my way to his place. Except, he could come to mine and do the whole shebang! The meal. The turkey with the trimmings. Thats all we need. Great idea Thanks

Ok, so don’t do it.

You haven’t cancelled Christmas. You just aren’t doing anything for it. It will still be Christmas. You will still know it’s Christmas. But if not doing anything for it makes you happy. Go for it!

Completely baffled as to why you would be doing the cooking and washing up when your son is an adult, though.

Seems you are angry at your son and maybe not dealing with it in the best way.

Missing the point.. but where on earth do you live that there are no taxis on Xmas day?

You can always go out for dinner or buy pre prepared stuff for Christmas day. It doesn't need to be too onerous, and yes, your son should help or cook.

How can he get to you but you can’t get to him? Is it that he stays at yours? Can you stay at his?
Have you had a conversation with him about how you feel? That’s what I would want my mum to do.

Buy some ready meals, and enjoy some rest !! eat them out of the tubs.
Or have sandwiches…mmm roast turkey.
Buy the meat ready sliced and have it with a ready made tub of chicken soup.

Superb easy, quick and delicious.

So if neither of you drive and there's no other transport, how come you can't get to him but he can get to you?

I'd be treating myself. We flew back with these cruise passengers last year. They'd had a fantastic time.

https://www.rivieratravel.co.uk/river-cruises/christmas-blue-danube

Again, missing the point, but there are loads of taxis round here at Christmas as a lot of the drivers are Muslim. Not even any surcharges 🤷🏼‍♀️ Have you checked recently or just assuming?

Merry Christmas whatever you decide! 🎄

God what a weird observation, I bet there are more places in the UK that you can't get a taxi on Christmas Day than you can. I live rurally and you could literally offer hundreds £ to go 7 miles and you'd still be seeing tumbleweed

It does not need to be the whole shebang. A turkey and a pud and 1 pressie each. It’s really not much.

Dont do it if you are not interested though.

You live in a town/city I presume? The idea of loads of Muslim taxi drivers falling over each other in the country to take rides is laughable.

Deleted

Because he can walk the 20 min journey there and back from his t o mine and I can't due to osteoarthritis

Would a mobility scooter be useful for you? (Not just for Christmas Day!)

As you've reached the end of your Christmas cheer, why not book a nice meal in a local pub/restaurant? Christmas is a lot of hard work and your kids never think to thank you - they see it as something you do because you are their Mum :)

I'm 66 and widowed, and since lockdown I've lost all interest in Christmas. My daughter is 27 and in NI, my son is 30 and lives an hour and a half away. My beloved cat and dog died last summer, so this Christmas I'm going down to Amersham to stay with my friend and her partner - we are going to the Crazy Bear Christmas day.

I hope you can enjoy the day, somehow.

Actually I haven't cancelled christmas because i am simply worn out it is because i am on medication for a mi and it knocks me for six. I asked yesterday for a reduction because my quality of life is suffering and i am no risk and the mht refused to even give me a 5mg reduction. I am quite desperate because i will be unable to get into the kitchen and actually cook a meal if i am so sedated. The royal college of psychiatry is chaired by Simon Wessely and other male psychiatrists and they of course dominate female patients. It was Fraud who recognised that his female clients had all been sexually abused as children and which made them neurotic as he called it later in their lives. My son too has been wrapped up in psychiatry since he was a baby and they have slowly but surely ruined his life. So this is what i am facing at 72 years of age the immense sedating effects of the medication. I have a wonderful home help and without her i just don;t know what i would do. I probably will attempt to cook christmas dinner despite my disability yet again. Please spare a thought for all those women who struggle with their mental health and struggle with keeping house. Their plight is one of insignificant suffering.

It sounds like you’re in a really hard place op. I think you’re right to take a step back from Christmas. But it’s also a sad thing, when you’ve done something for so long, and there’s nobody willing and able to
pick up the load.

Right now, you probably need to grieve that for a little while. But in time you might want to consider other ways of celebrating Christmas. As much as I enjoy cooking now, there will come a day when I’ll buy a couple of microwaveable roast dinners and call it a day.

It can be hard to transition from being looked after by a parent to taking care of a parent. Your ds might be a lazy, ingrate but he might also be navigating the tricky course between supporting your independence and over interfering. I found it hard to know with my dad when to offer help - and he was quite inflexible about how things could be done which made it more difficult when I had time limitations and needed to prioritise efficiency.

Do you think it would help to talk to your ds, and see what he could go to help. He might not have the skills to cook a dinner from scratch but you could still spend time together, and have a simpler meal.

We live in Suffolk and there are no taxis on Christmas Day here - in fact you're lucky to get one at all

There doesn't have to be a dramatic cancelling, there is no law that says people have to have a Turkey etc. Just eat what you want with people or without, no one needs to martyr themselves

It sounds like you’re having a really tough time and I totally understand why you don’t feel up to making a full Christmas meal etc.
Do you actually want to cancel Christmas or are you just feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and that it’s all too difficult.
If you genuinely don’t want to bother this year then don’t, just have a relaxed day doing whatever makes you happiest.

If you do want to do Christmas then you could still have your son over but not do the full meal from scratch:

• ’Cook’ do a great premade Christmas dinner with all the trimmings and they deliver. https://www.cookfood.net/products/christmas-lunch-for-2/ It’s much easier than doing it all yourself and because you can order for just 2 people you won’t end up with loads of waste and it’s not too much more expensive because you’re only buying the right amount (in my experience there are still plenty of leftovers for a Boxing Day sandwich). Even if your son has limited skills/confidence cooking her should be able to help you prepare it. I also highly recommend their sticky toffee pudding for dessert. If you do it this way there will be a lot less washing up anyway, but your son can definitely do what there is/load the dishwasher etc.
• If you don’t want to do the whole roast lunch thing then could your son come over later in the day for something simpler (maybe a cheeseboard and some premade party food etc or even just a slice of cake).
• In terms of decorations, if you find it tiring/painful to fully decorate then could you ask for Christmas flowers/plants as your Christmas gifts this years (supermarkets always have poinsettias in gold pots for less than a fiver, or Bloom and Wild does lovely mini Christmas trees that they deliver pre-decorated).
• Don’t overthink presents and try to order/buy from places that will gift wrap for you or just put the item in a gift bag (wrapping is a faff at the best of times, but especially if you have arthritis).
• Cut anything you don’t enjoy. E.g. don’t feel an obligation to write cards etc unless that’s something you genuinely enjoy. You can always message people over the Christmas period if you want to wish them well/catch up.

More fool you for doing it for so long. Your son sounds like an inept manchild.