How do working mums cope with missing out on seeing assemblies/concerts/schooltime events?

[happycherrycake]

How does it make you feel, honestly?
Thinking of taking a job in a different school which will not allow me (at all - I checked) to have any time off for such things. Am not v comfortable with it, but was told that part n parcel of being a 'working mum'.

Weeeeell, in old job I could sometimes take time off and go to these things. In job I'm now in (contract so I can do what I like but long way away, which means taking quite a long time off to get to things) I can't always. I made parents evening last week and the school show at Christmas. That's it.

I don't actually mind, I don't do PTA stuff and I do ask ds if he wants me there. If it's important to him I try to make it. It isn't always. So mostly, I'm fine with it as long as I can make the important things. I'd hate to miss xmas play. Although I missed a parents eve because ds didn't give me the note until after te event.

I have been lucky so far as I have been able to go to most things. For me - I quite like them so want to go (how long this will last I don't know...). For DSs - they seem quite relaxed as long as someone is there that they know. They are also quite happy with Daddy filming it with the video camera for me to see later (so far our school/playgroup has not objected to this - I know some do).

Lyra, that's very emotive talk. Just because things might seem to matter hugely to a parent, it doesnt mean they do to the child. Most kids accept that their dad goes out to work, and in many cases probably doesnt get to all their school events. It doesnt mean the child has a poor relationship with their dad fgs! The fact is, if you want to have a well paid and interesting job, the chances are you're going to have to compromise in some ways. I wouldnt have wanted to miss out completely on my kids' events. Which is why I worked around it and got to as many as possible. But equally, I wouldn't have wanted to stay at home all day while my kids were in school just for the occasions that they might have had some event on. It's about balance isnt it?

Alfiesbabe, yes it is emotive talk, but it's an emotive subject. My children are still very little so it matters a great deal to them that they see me in the audience or whatever. maybe it will matter less to them as they get older.

And it's not just me. DP works full time but manages to make it to most events (school play, sports day etc).

Do you think children really mind?
I mean you hear some saying that their parents never came to anything. Now that would obviously be upsetting for any child.
But if you go to atleats some - say christmas plays, sports days etc, isn't that enough ?

At our school, almost every child has a parent there for most events. So the ones who don't are obviously sad.
As they get older and more mums are back at work, it may not be such a big deal. Mine are nursery and year 1.

IME little children do mind if there is noon there to watch/see them. It doesn;t have to be mummy - just somone who is there for them.

Have also seen other children upset when their parent haven't managed to attend when the others have. It was really sad to see someone elses child in tears because no one is there to watch them - infact it was seeing that last year when DD was in Reception that made me determined that there would always be someone attending for DD, even if it couldn't always be me.

I don't have a child at school yet and I'm dreading it.

It really pees me off that schools organise so many blinking events that parents are meant to attend. Fair enough if its the nativity play, but one of my work colleagues had to go to a special mothers day assembly x 2 because it was on different days for each child. Why do they do it? Most families have two working parents these days. One other f/t working colleague got asked to attend parents "evening" at 3.30pm

Even when I was at school in the 70s I only remember two events, the nativity play and sports day. Why all of a sudden is this burning desire to involve parents in every aspect of what their children do ?

I can't go to everything. 1 in 4 perhaps. I try and send my neighbour or a grandparent. But not always possible. DD is showing no sign of being scarred though. Frankly there are far worse things you can do to your children!

Rookiemater, at our school the parents want to get involved. They also try to hold several performances of plays etc so parents have a better chance of making it and parents 'evening' is actually in the evening.
Where we live it seems most mums stay at home till their children are older. It's a fairly affluent area so a lot of mums can afford to take a career break for a few years. Lots of dads here are SAHDs. I suppose a lot depends on where you live.

From a child's point of view though, the main thing is that they have someone there for them. it doesn't have to be their mum. A grandparent or dad is just as good.

But the reality is that many many parents don't sah. and many don't want to and can't be around for myriad school events.

but many children won't have a parent there, that's life given the uk economy and house price to income ratio. I doubt it's a tiny minority. Although what would I know, I'm not there! Tbh even if I were sah I'm not sure I'd make them.

I know Rookie. I can't wait for christmas play and sports day.
But come in and....
watch my paint dry
I mean for gods sake.

It depends on your child. My dd gets very upset if there is no-one there for her assemblies/plays, especially as one time I was late and missed it (boy does she remind me!) but ds is really completely unbothered. This is mainly because dd really loves assemblies, plays etc, whilst ds finds them very boring. Dh and I usually manage most events, provided that the school manages to tell us more than a week in advance. To be honest there isn't much, two assemblies each, maybe one or two plays in a year. Parent's evenings can always be rescheduled (what child is bothered about that!). Our school doesn't encourage parents at sports days so we don't have that as a worry. It's not seen as a big deal at work for either me or dh to adjust our hours to attend events, so no it is not part and parcel of being a working mum. Just maybe part and parcel of being a teaching mum I guess.

Lyra its great that the school wants to lay on loads of performances etc. but what about single parents, or those who don't have a silver haired jumper knitting granny who magically appears at the pop of a hat to wave in the audience.

So yes it may be sad for the children if there isn't someone there during the day but surely its more important that they have a roof over their heads and parents that are able to spend time with them once school time is finished rather than having to juggle hours off here there and everywhere.,

That's true rookie, but I've seen the sad faces of the children who have no-one come to see them. Yours aren't at school yet so you can't know what it's like.

I'm think it's more important to have a great job that I loved than to be there for every concert or play whilst being miserable at work. Life is about balance

Sorry last sentence not v grammatically correct am very tired!

Ok well maybe I don't know exactly what I am talking about (surely thats what Mumsnet is about), how many events per term do we mean here ?

the thing is every child and every parent are different, we are all projecting our own feelings and experiences, but in fact each individual has to make their own decisions based on their particular situation.

Only two or three. Most parents can take time off/juggle shifts/make time up unless they have an inflexible boss.