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Original poster

Started new job and my nemesis joined a week later

38 replies

Superdupersquirrel · 27/10/2023 08:43

Apologies but I’ll need to share a bit of background, might take a few minutes but I’d really appreciate some help.

I recently joined a new company, after 6 years at a place I enjoyed and with great people. I left because I made a mistake moving into leadership and the decisions made by the equity firm who took over a few years ago were hurting my team and I found it too much (I work for a tech company)

so I decided to move and go back into account mgt at another tech company with a good reputation and good product. On my first day I was told the other open role had been filled too and they would start the following week. The person joining was someone I knew - sadly it is the one person myself and many others had significant issues with in my old role. She left by mutual consent although my new employer doesn’t know that - it’s due to her lack of performance and people she had upset in her wake. She’s the only person that actually made me cry or question my worth at that job and fortunately I had an amazing circle at that company who rallied around me. What is difficult is it’s subtle, it’s little criticisms, playing politics. They could see it as we’d been there a while - here we are both new

I’m chronically open! People seem to like that I’m open, like to coach, like to collaborate and that’s worked. But I’m terrible at politics (this all sounds like I’m saying that I think I’m great, I’m not I’m as flawed as the rest of us! I’m naive, not particularly organised and prone to distraction! But I make the relationship bit work in my role so people trust me and it makes up for being rubbish at other stuff!)

the problem with being poor at politics or not being as ruthless in my goals is I’m sensitive and just seeing her in our meetings makes me sad and anxious. My new boss is a bit old school sales and has taken to her straight away! I’ve set out my stall of who I am and other who worked at my old company know I was their top performer in Europe so he’s basically leaving me alone. Pretty sure he thinks I’m a strange hippy who somehow is good at sales and he doesn’t know why so he leaves me to it! He takes her to meetings and lunches instead which to be honest is great as I don’t really subscribe to that stuff (I didn’t really think it still happened!) but it does leave me vulnerable and an outsider.

i can see that little digs starting already - she’s a ‘take me as you see me, I’m straight talking and not afraid to speak my mind’. I’m a bit of a sensitive creative type (how I’ve ended up in sales is a mystery to me too but somehow it works!) so what this means is when I try to explore new ways of doing things, as you can already tell I like to talk it through and facilitate discussions with others. I missed a meeting yesterday as my daughter was in hospital and got back to subtle digs at my suggestions and KISS over my work (keep it simple stupid). You’re reading this and thinking wow this is so long she has a point 😂 but sadly I know what she’s doing. It’s sales so of course it tends to be competitive but I am unproven here and I can see already that I may not be tough enough for this.

I was recommended into this role for a reason, I know that but with her on my team it’s making me feel ill. I also know I choose how to feel about things and should be able to ignore this but I’m really struggling. My DH is trying to help but is sick of me talking about it as I also talked through the politics of the leader role with him so l think he just thinks I’m taking things too seriously.

what throws me is people have always commented on how enthusiastic and positive I am so this constant worry and introspection is hurting me. Oh and I’m slap bang in menopause country so that’s fun!

if you’ve stuck with this then I love you already 😁 but what do I do? My DH thinks I should tell the recruiter and let them know how I feel, that I may not be able to continue with her there. But I can’t see what that would result in except me leaving. I guess that may need to happen but leaving because of one person that makes me sad seems childish - but it’s killing me not being able to be honest and open with my leaders about this,

OP posts:

cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 08:45

I’m naive, not particularly organised and prone to distraction!

this would be frustrating in a colleague

Lougle · 27/10/2023 08:47

Do you have to work with her directly?

cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 08:49

but with her on my team

is she junior to you?

LaurieStrode · 27/10/2023 08:49

Need more info. How are the roles related?

cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 08:50

I am struggling to see through all the words what this person has actually done?

Hipnotised · 27/10/2023 08:52

Either head down, know your worth, get on with the job, ignore the peripheral crap.

Or leave.

If you're good at sales amd want to stay then focus on that, your results will speak for themselves.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/10/2023 08:56

Just try to stay fully focused on your own role and performing well. If she is problematic, people will work that out soon enough.

Oblomov23 · 27/10/2023 08:57

Won't she show her true colours soon enough at this new job aswell, and thus they'll get her to leave?

Original poster

Superdupersquirrel · 27/10/2023 08:58

Hi - yes this is the challenge of trying to write a potted history. It’s almost impossible to get across the context but believe me, there are a number of companies and teams who would validate the damaging politics and ruthlessness and the hurt both personally and performance wise it has caused. So I’m this sense I know I’m not paranoid, I’m more disappointed in myself that I can’t block out a toxic co worker

OP posts:

Original poster

Superdupersquirrel · 27/10/2023 09:00

Great point on true colours, this is exactly what my friends have said to me but I appear to be suffering from a real crisis of confidence right now

OP posts:

Dontjudgeme101 · 27/10/2023 09:01

Superdupersquirrel · 27/10/2023 09:00

Great point on true colours, this is exactly what my friends have said to me but I appear to be suffering from a real crisis of confidence right now

I am so sorry to hear that op. 💐💐💐

Rollinghill · 27/10/2023 09:01

Honestly I would be tempted to leave. Find yourself another job.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 27/10/2023 09:05

I would be tempted to leave, too. People normally leave jobs because of the people, not the job. What bad luck that she has turned up. I don't have any advice but I think you sound awesome! I hate all the politics too - it's so wearing.

cultureplanet · 27/10/2023 09:07

Superdupersquirrel · 27/10/2023 08:58

How long was she with her previous employer?

Onelifeonly · 27/10/2023 09:10

I would double down and get on with doing the best job I can, but that's just me. I don't like to give up on things and am pretty resilient. Depending on how the dynamics played out, I'd probably also raise the previous issues I had had with this colleague.

If you can't do this - and you do seem very flustered and distracted over it - then maybe it wouid be better to look for a job elsewhere.

EveSix · 27/10/2023 09:10

"-she’s a ‘take me as you see me, I’m straight talking and not afraid to speak my mind’."

Urgh. So often, this a is just an excuse for being a bit of an insensitive brute in the workplace.

blondieminx · 27/10/2023 09:11

If you are easily distracted and upset… May I very gently suggest you look at “rejection sensitive dysphoria” and ADHD in adult women and see if any of that chiles for you and if it does to perhaps see the GP?

ignore the “nemesis” woman. Concentrate on your own performance and let her show the new bosses what she’s like. Given the history it won’t be long before they see her true colours/lack of performance.

Whataretheodds · 27/10/2023 09:11

Do you have to work with her to get your job done? Or are you on a team of salespeople who each have your own targets and portfolios?

If you're going to survive you need to be able to reframe. Her being a different communication and work style doesn't need to stop you doing your thing - you've proven your formula works and presumably had been planning to work to that formula before she joined? If your getting feedback from clients/prospects or the numbers that what you're doing isn't working or acceptable then address that on its

Praise for her does not equal criticism for you/your style.

I suggest you investigate a bit of coaching/therapy to help you reframe.
Also, get yourself a mentor in your new company.

The two things I'd want to know more about is the boss taking this new person for lunches (does he do that for everyone?)
And the digs you say were made at you after your day to care for your daughter- what was said, by whom.

RudsyFarmer · 27/10/2023 09:18

It might make you feel better to just start job hunting already.

She’s in with the boss, you already feel weakened and less confidence in her presence. Nothing is going to get better in the short term and by the long term your mental health might be shot and coming back from that can take years.

Totalwasteofpaper · 27/10/2023 09:22

I was in similar situation.
She joined my EXACT team while I was on mat leave and worked on some of my program elements - It was the WORST.

I was lucky in that they kind of knew how awful she was by the time I got back and she was a contractor and they ended the contract early. She now tormenting some poor people somewhere else.

In your shoes I would do 3 things

Contact recruiter and keep an eye out for other roles but mentally commit to 6 months on role (you may leave at 5 but whatever)

Physically get as much space as you can from her and try and stop giving her headspace. Easier said than done but it's unhealthy.

Focus on doing a good job and helping people. Really focus on being helpful and what you can do for others for those first 6 months. Don't look up don't think don't politic just focus on delivering.

Anonymouslyposting · 27/10/2023 09:22

This all sounds really dramatic. You are in sales, why do you have a “nemesis”? You are writing about this like it’s some epic struggle between the two of you but it’s not clear she even knows there’s a problem. It sounds very like you are really into the politics despite your protestations.

Putting that aside and taking what you say about her being toxic at face value (even though you’ve given no examples). If you can’t work with her without obsessing (that’s not meant as a criticism, I have had colleagues I hated so much I couldn’t stop thinking about it) then I’d probably look for another job. This job is new and it doesn’t sound like you are attached enough to it to be worth the stress this is clearly causing you.

Noideawhatisgoingon · 27/10/2023 09:23

Could you ask your previous employers if there are any available positions for you? Or to keep you in mind for any that come up?

BobLemon · 27/10/2023 09:32

Leave! Quick! I left a job less than 3 months after starting and it was actually pretty easy. There were some positions who had remembered me from when I was looking and were happy to speak to me again (all via the recruiter). And I left for much less significant reasons than you!
That position has just been erased from my work history 😝 unless you really know me, you’d have no idea I worked there.

3luckystars · 27/10/2023 09:39

It’s always tough starting a new job so the internal crisis you are having is normal. It’s doubly hard because this woman has come into the scene now.

you will have to ignore absolutely everything she does forget you ever knew her , thread your own path, keep going and the truth will out. Don’t say a bad word against her or get drawn into anything. Your personality and work ethic shone in your old workplace and she was the opposite, but it will just take time for everyone to realise this as you are both new.

Its just a challenge, you can do it. Keep working hard and don’t let it get to you.

Loopytiles · 27/10/2023 09:44

Your OP isn’t clear. It sounds like she is your peer in the wider team?

To progress your work do you (and / or people reporting to you) need to directly collaborate with her (and / or people reporting to her)? If not then there’s no problem.

If you do need to collaborate, seek to do that and ensure a clear ‘audit trail’ of your efforts in case she sabotages etc.

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