Working and perimenopause - has anyone else not been able to cope?

[Frenchroots]

I am on HRT but still find the anxiety that work gives me means I can’t sleep and then a vicious cycle of exhaustion and anxiety makes work even harder. Has anyone else had to ditch their long-worked for career to do something low stress (with inevitably low pay)?

Interesting to hear everyone’s thoughts and sad that so many of us are finding this time hard despite increasing awareness around it. I feel like trying to do all the right things helps in some ways but the anxiety that work brings is just too much. I have a doctors appointment soon so am going to discuss it then (as well as about 5 other things now that I’ve finally got an appointment!)

Its been interesting reading the posts. Just got myself a GP appointment and I'm going back onto HRT, also need further tests for heavy bleeds. I am really low mood, constantly feel like I have my period coming and in a new job too where my colleagues are younger and much more on it. Feel like a failure tbh.

It's really worth writing everything down before your GP appointment, and print out a copy of the NICE guidelines for treating [peri]menopause - it can be hard to get it all across in 10 minutes, especially if you're feeling anxious and brain-fogged and you suspect the GP may be unsympathetic. I was lucky in that as soon as I mentioned to the receptionist what the appt was for, she was completely sympathetic and straight away booked me an appointment with the practice menopause specialist. However not every practice has one and many GPs have no idea (or think it's nothing).

I have a job interview this afternoon and woke up dizzy and foggy. Don't think this will be my finest performance but I've got lots of notes. More worried about drifting off mid-sentence and wondering what I was talking about so I will be writing the questions down!

I hope your interview goes OK @twobluechickens. I have downloaded the balance app and I'm going to and need to track my symptoms down by writing them down. I completely empathise with the brain fog and forgetting things. I am going to write myself a list of essential things I need to cover each day. I used to be able to remember such things but what with this perimenopause, being mum, working and balancing lots of other priorities it's so easy to forget and lose track mid sentence!!

Let us know how it goes. I'm hoping this thread will keep going. Female friends and relatives who went through this stage don't or haven't suffered so it's really helpful to share and read others contributions.

I forget so much. It's annoying and debilitating in equal measure.

Interview went well thanks, although I suspect I wittered incessantly about inconsequential things and failed to answer the questions properly. I would like the job if they offer it but am lucky in that I like my current job too.

Me!! I have a job I love but 3 months ago, I was crippled by anxiety and actual terror. I had a breakdown. Didn't sleep for a month but carried on trying to work.

I'm now on duluxretine as well as hrt. My office have been incredible. I had 5 weeks off. Started back on Monday doing mornings only. Bit longer hours next week. HR have been utterly brilliant. I feel very lucky they've looked after me so well.

Perimenopause is an absolute bastard!!

Magnesium and HRT helps but also discussing with friends so you don’t feel so alone with struggling.

I wish this was discussed more openly!

In the industry I work in my employer must be amongst the most humane and supportive of their kind. I still stumbled on the solution to the anxiety, rage and memory loss only thanks to the gentle prompting of a therapist I consulted in desperation after months of crying every day at work, insomnia, and realising I wanted to hurt customers.

I started HRT, but only felt slightly more normal after about 3 months. It has taken lifestyle changes and HRT to make a real difference. Limiting alcohol, prioritising exercise and sleep. I supplement my diet with magnesium and vitamin D.

I now need to work up the courage to go to my employer and see if I can effect change for other women.

Does anyone else worry that mentioning menopause issues at work would cause them to be written off or treated differently? I realise that workplaces have to be more aware and accommodating or at least appear to be on the surface but I can imagine the attitudes are still pretty dismissive where there are a lot of male upper management.

I don't talk about it openly at work, but I have discussed it with female colleagues of a similar age. I think it has been a relief for all of us to admit that we've been struggling. My male colleagues are a pretty modern bunch, mostly with wives/partners of a similar age to me, and I would hope they'd be sympathetic if we did share with them how we've been feeling. We are all skilled, experienced and knowledgeable women - they'd be stuffed without us and they know it!

I could have written your post 😢 I’m in the same boat. I’ve been on HRT for 2 years, I recently saw a Newson health private gp who has doubled my dose, I also take ashwaganda and magnesium and I got 3 hours sleep last night. I’m 55 and want to keep working for the sake of my pension, but the way I’m going I won’t live long enough to draw it.

I take HRT and am main earner in our house - have changed jobs this year, recently lost my dad and have a child with significant SEND.

My anxiety is at times really hard, and dark mornings make it worse.

The most effective thing for me is exercise.

I've been up really early for a run already today. I'll do running or weight training most days - and really it is the most effective thing to bring my anxiety right down. It also helps me sleep ( although I do go to bed mega early!) .

I know the suggestion of execrcise will be met with sighs and the idea that it's dismissive - I know all the perimenopause symptoms are 100% real, but there are genuinely sound physiological reasons why exercise manages anxiety symptoms.

I certainly wouldn't sigh at your exercise suggestion, it's really important! I'm not a runner but I love getting out for a long walk on the coast path or even a turn around my neighbourhood at lunchtime - it all helps. Also weight-bearing exercise really helps build bone strength so that's a win too, what with osteoporosis staring us in the face.

Thanks @twobluechickens. Am very aware that it's yet another thing 'to do' to already exhausted and overwhelmed people. I'm lucky that I have no health problems to stop me exercising and also I have found things i enjoy that I can do early mornings

Exactly this, I'm just going back after annual leave & trying to feel positive but my mind's in a spin thinking about escaping leaving all the time. I know I'll have to go soon as I just don't feel like I fit in anymore but trying to hang on for a couple more years until dd finishes uni.

Yes, definitely. In some workplaces there’s encouragement to talk about menopause but a few private companies either say or don’t say it (re menopause) and male upper management generally tend to be rubbish in my experience. Most women I’ve seen in my last corporate company at menopause and perimenopause age tend to muddle along with their symptoms.

I think talk generally around it is welcomed. With me and my friends until we mention it, it’s generally still felt to be a dirty little secret/taboo.

I mean it’s bad enough that periods, PMT etc is still swept under the carpet generally and women’s health too.

I'm on the verge of a demotion and peri is definitely playing a part. I struggle with the difference between high stimulation days in the office and WFH days when I can't get anything done.

Magnesium glycinate, zinc are essential. High protein diet. Exercise. Eating enough fibre. When I do this all I am ok, but then a cold comes along and I can't get back into it. The problem is that it is ongoing, so my manager is running out of options for me.

Also and not much talked about is having a high libido due to it, thinking about it at work.

I got ill health retirement due to crippling menopause anxiety. It was really bad.

This was at 56. I’d battled it for about 5 or 6 years prior.

I think I nearly just burnt the house down due to getting muddled with sorting the fire out. At work I seem to keep it together but personally, that's when all the tension and anxiety and trouble focusing comes out. Now I have a smoky house, a fuming husband and an only just gone to sleep child, but we are all alive. Think it is time for HRT.....

I feel for you MissFliss. It sounds really challenging. I am impressed by your turning to running - I think exercise does really help. I am trying to do more resistence training and find the gym lifts my mood too. Dark days are HORRIBLE and my anxiety is off the chart. I am deep into peri, being 52 now, but my periods leave me completely exhausted, low, mega painful and I only have about 10 days a month where I feel 'normal'ish. My latest symptom is chest pressure and a lump in my throat. Does anyone else have this? My throat and voice have also been croaky for a few weeks now.

I was reading this thread thinking ohh yea I can relate.... and then I saw i actually posted - a year ago almost - so I am still feeling like this even though I've adjusted my HRT.

I was off sick last week and it was almost a luxury, the absence of work stress was unreal, delicious.

I went back this week and maybe I'm paranoid but I feel like unless I was really ill I should not have taken a week off. I was ill, not in hospital or anything, just crippled with a migraine and sinusitis and out on painkillers and antibiotics, the gp even gave me a sick note for 5 days ... but I feel guilty and the work just piles up.

I was driving yesterday and thinking, god I feel bad, I do not do a good job of my job, and a younger me would be all over it... which led me to think why not? - because I still love it - but the stress becomes debilitating and I get sick and have to take time off to bounce back. I just can't carry it anymore. I'm 49. In the throes of peri.

I had chest pressure and croaky throat with the feeling of a lump. Turns out another gift from perimenopause was silent acid reflux at night without me realising it was happening. Dr gave me temporary medication and now I try to manage through diet etc.
That said, I also get the pressure feeling from anxiety.

I can relate with that - the stress and work pressure seems so much harder to manage.

The lump in throat, for me, seems to go with a tidal wave of slowing down digestion for hours (definitely into the night, then lying down makes it slightly worse). This happens in the week before a period but not so noticeable at other points, so far.

Going for a 'job with less stress' often means ceding a lot of control over what you do, when you're given it, and how you manage your time when people inevitably do this far too late. It's a boredom / dump cycle and the more you cope with it, the more it perpetuates, so be careful if you're thinking that fewer hours will open the gate to a greener lawn