Utterly depressed on resigning from work

[Puppalicious]

I’ve just resigned from a job I love for a job with more money and I just feel utterly depressed. Sick to my stomach and I can’t eat. Turns out there would be an opportunity in work for progression, which is one of the main reasons I even responded to the headhunter. The money would still be lower but still. Has anyone felt like this and it turned out ok? I honestly feel like I can’t get out of bed.

I mean opportunity in my current job for progression. I thought there wasn’t.

Youve got the fear, and that doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong decision.

My advice would be to leave the door as open as you can at your current job, leave on really good terms and then if it doesn’t work out, you’ve potentially got a route back.

I personally think changing jobs is more stressful than moving house so you’re bound to be feeling worried about it, just be kind to yourself, recognise the fear and do it anyway xxx good luck xxx

Did they tell you this after you said you were leaving?

If so, it’s a good sign they’re trying to retain you, but also if that was the case why were you so undervalued at your current job that they didn’t feel the need to tell you this until it was too late? Sounds like empty promise territory to me.

I said no to the new job, then the recruiter talked me around and I said yes provisionally subject to more money which they agreed to. Then my boss a propos of nothing said you know that chat we had about salary and a path to progression, I want to have an another chat on that next week when the HR director is back. On foot of (bad) advice from someone else I told him about the offer and he said he doesn’t do counter offers because the person never stays anyway. Turns out someone is taking a sabbatical, I could have been given the opportunity to do it which would have been a great step to the role I really wanted. But nothing would be certain or permanent. If I had received the other job offer knowing about this opportunity there’s no way I would have accepted.

It’s understood there’s no way they can match the money of the new job. It’s more than my boss makes. Life isn’t all about money, I’m in a profession where if I gave up my life in private practice I could be earning half a million or more, but that’s not the path I took and I’ve been v happy with my choice. So it’s not all about money.

Its ok to feel like this.

More money is important. Unless you are already paid a ton (and new job is just a ton plus more) the extra money can really improve your life. You will meet new people and do new things.

You are doing the right thing.

Thanks for the reassurance all!

If your current employer is anything like my multinational tech company employer, covering a sabbatical for someone more senior or with more responsibility is absolutely no guarantee of any progression at all in the future. They just want someone to cover the work, and you get little thanks for stretching yourself (while being paid your normal salary).
I also don’t buy the “we don’t do counter offers” line. Of course they do, if they really want to keep someone.
I agree with the previous poster who said changing jobs is more stressful than moving house. I also think it is possible to become too identified with a company and a job, and have trouble seeing yourself somewhere else - and maybe also feeling guilty about “abandoning” them. I have felt this in the past (I wonder if women are more prone to it), and I think it’s healthier to remember that generally speaking, the favour is not returned. Good luck - agree with the advice to leave as amicably as possible - while carefully watching how they respond to your decision to go somewhere where the progression opportunity was clear and present. It may be that the experience changes your view of them somewhat.

I think you need to think about why you took a job you now think you don’t really want rather than have a conversation.

If someone is taking sabbatical, what happens if they come back? Are they putting you in the new position permanently?

To be honest, sounds like they are doing a counter offer. But not really as a counter offer. I suspect they are dangling this role to you, but haven’t really thought it through.

If this job was soon to be available how did no one know? What if others apply for it, internally?

it’s true that counter offers statistically don’t lead to long term retention. I think that you’ve got The Fear but more money is good and you could love your new job just as much.

I handed my resignation in 2 months ago of a job I absolutely loved…..and I mean really loved.

There were various reasons but they all boiled down to me working well outside my pay grade and constantly having the carrot of “there will be a chance of progression” being dangled in my face.

After 9 months of this “reassurance of progression” I realised it was never going to happen so I decided I’d had enough and handed my notice in.

People at work were gob smacked as they all knew how much my job meant to me!

I decided I would go into Practice in my field of work but that will take 12 months of training and exams and it comes at a financial cost! There’s always the risk it could fail too.

I felt sick when I handed my notice in and I still have lots of worries about whether I’ve done the right thing and I panic about the vulnerable situation I’ve put myself in….it’s just a general sense of dread.

My DH is completely behind me though so at least I have his support.

I start my training in 2 weeks time and I’m hoping that once I start it will help ease my feelings of doubt.

I will let you know in 18 months if the resignation paid off 😂

Depends OP, how long have you been in your current role? Tbh I would stick to the current job, if I liked the role, company and culture rather than the unknown. Depends how much you need the extra money I suppose. I left a job that I loved once, it was an absolute disaster, I hated it, knew very quickly it wasn’t for me, rang HR said I have made a mistake are there any jobs going etc. I was taken back as a temp, and then the person that was recruited for my job, left and I was re-recruited back to my original role, they were very kind and allowed me to have continued service. Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

It’s ok to feel like this, it’s exactly how I felt after leaving a job I’d been at six years. Nearly two years into my new job and I love it. Is your new job same industry? If so I’m sure you’ll likely love it just as much but it is a common worry to have.

I can’t fault my company on progression. I got my first BIG promotion 18 months after starting with them, 7 months pregnant. My last promotion was 18 months ago. I raised the issue of feeling underpaid (whilst recognising the pay constraints) and wanting to know if there was the possibility of further progression mid-July. Yesterday was the first day I saw my boss after his holiday and I could see from his face he was delighted to be able to tell me there might in fact be the possibility of gaining the experience required to progress towards promotion (I thought there was none). I presume he only just heard about the person taking a sabbatical.
There are pros to taking the new job but also cons. One of the cons was the impact of work life balance of the hours required to prove myself in a new role - but I’m telling myself now if I had taken this role in my current company that would also have required a lot of hours to get up to speed. One of the pros was that it would expand my experience on my CV - the irony now is that even 9 months in the potential opportunity in my current role would do that much more.

Job is in a new industry.

To be honest if your current employer was so keen on keeping you they'd have laid out a development plan for you months ago,
So you knew exactly what to expect, and when.

Have they accepted your resignation? It's not too late to stay if that's what you really really want but... it's a bit shoddy dangling a 'maybe' role in front of you as you're trying to get out the door. And personally I'd want a bit more than 'you might get a sabbatical'. What happens if you don't get it? What happens if you do? If you don't get it what are the other development options? If you do get it, what happens when the person whose job it is comes back? It's all a bit promises and maybes really isn't it?

Unless they can give you a firm and concrete development plan I think you're doing the right thing.

How much more money is the new job?

Would the cover opportunity come with a pay rise? It reads as though it wouldn’t.

The new place might well be enjoyable AND better paid!

Also disagree with your boss on ‘no counter offers’: they often do work well IME!

New job is about 25% more if you include bonuses. Well possibly 50% if covering all bonuses. Cover might come with 5-10% increase, not sure?
I didn’t formally resign but he wished me well at the end. I may have pissed him off in retrospect. I’m not sure the conversation went well.

The new place might indeed be enjoyable. It’s an interesting industry. I’m a bit scared tbh as part of involves an area new to me but I should at least take comfort from what my boss said, as the opportunity on offer also involves that area so at least he thinks I might be able to do it. I didn’t think he would (hence looking elsewhere!)

Job is in a new industry

So a whole new area of knowledge and experience to acquire, new people to meet, and potential for networking? Don't just think of the immediate future, think of how this will enhance your cv in 2-3 years time.

It's going to be an uncomfortable few months in a new industry, feeling out of your depth - I have a feeling you're going to earn that extra money in blood, sweat and tears...hopefully it'll all be worth it. Too late now though. You need to jump.

If he wished you well... he was never going to give you the sabbatical. He'd be fighting tooth and nail to get you to stay. You've made the right decision. You are more than capable of doing the new role - you wouldn't have been offers the role if they didn't think you could do it.

Ignore the negative view of your new role from previous poster. The first few months of any new job are challenging. But most people see it as a great opportunity to learn new stuff! It's not blood, sweat and tears for the salary... it sounds like you'll be paid the going rate rather than being underpaid like you are in your current role!

You sound like you are absolutely right to leave. Your manager seems a bit miffed that you weren't over the moon to cover a sabbatical for an unspecified pay increase (would there even have been one when it came to it?).

The new job sounds like it has great opportunities and pay.

Thank you for making me feel better. I’ve been feeling stressed about this all, but that’s probably normal for such a big change!