Didn't get invited to work retreat whilst on maternity

[pauleena]

At work there is a Women in Finance group that has monthly socials and puts on events for women interested in breaking into finance. I have been to one or two of these events online. My colleague has been to almost every event in person and has spoken at one of them.

I have been off on maternity leave, and my colleague has been off on maternity for pretty much exactly the same period as me. I just found out that the company is hosting a Women in Finance conference in San Francisco at a 5* hotel for a few days. Places are limited. I knew this was in the works. It seems that my colleague has been invited and is going on the all expenses paid trip & I have not been invited. Is it fair?

Is she speaking at this one ?

No idea if it's fair depends on how invites were decided I guess. Why don't you ask whoever sent the invites if you qualify for one?

Mind you, having seen the Instgram woman who lives in SF and knowing the flight distance. I'd not find 5 days in SF that much of a jolly!

It sounds like your colleague is more involved in the group, is she speaking at the conference?

Do you want to go!

Do you think it's because she has attended most of the events where as you have only attended one or two?

What was your keeping in touch agreement?

Is yours different to hers?

I would guess that’s her reward for being heavily involved all of the time and not just when it’s 5* all expenses paid!

People in the office really annoy me when they sign up for stuff but then only actually show up when it’s the high profile or good stuff to do.

Well it's not fair on your baby if that's what you are asking so be relieved your company is putting no pressure on you.

I agree with this. You have shown little to no interest in activities that encourage women to break into finance. You have been to one or two, online only, and don't seem to have contributed anything. And that is absolutely fine. There is no reason why being a woman in finace should mean you are required to be a role model or a facilitator for other women. But that was your choice. In your employers position, out of the two of you and based on your version of the events here, I would pick her over you too. It has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that she has shown herself willing and able to be the role model that they want for other women, and you haven't. If you want to be considered for such things in the future, you know what you need to do.

Yes very fair. Nothing to do with Mat leave as you're both off so easy for company to
Show no discrimination. She's put in more effort than yoh

Why would you be invited when you've shown pretty much no interest in the events so far? When you say you've attended 'one or two', come on, you mean you've logged on to one event online.

If you were the employer and had to choose between the two of you, how would you justify choosing you over her?

“I have been to one or two of these events online. My colleague has been to almost every event in person and has spoken at one of them”

Well that’ll be why then!

Yes it's fair, you're on ml. If they asked you in for a full day meeting in your home office would you want to go?

I have been to one or two of these events online. My colleague has been to almost every event in person and has spoken at one of them.

The choice doesn't seem difficult for your employer. I don't understand why you think it isn't fair. She put in considerably more effort than you.

In what way have you been treated unfairly

It's unfair to compare yourself and your friend just because you both have a baby. She's involved heavily with the group, you've popped by a few times. Who else is going?

She's a lot more involved in the group. You've hardly attended!

YABU it sounds like she puts more effort in to these events and all the work surrounding them.

I’m not sure why you think you would be invited over her, given the scenario you have presented.

She is fully involved in this group. She benefits from an all expenses paid trip.

You have barely been involved in the group. You don’t get invited to a limited space all expenses paid trip.

If you want the perks, you need to be involved in the groups, attend events, contribute and take part.

It sounds like she supported the events much more. With limited spaces I'd expect she got to go ahead of you.

My colleague has been to almost every event in person and has spoken at one of them.

She's a regular attender and contributor. You're not. That's your explanation.

You are now crying 'unfair!' because there's a trip involved, but you weren't exactly clamouring to speak or contribute when it was just the routine local events.

Yabu