Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Male contractor - smart answer to 'do you have any kids?'

55 replies

fishymcfishface · 11/08/2023 19:16

So I work in a male environment, no issues there. We have recently started working with some contractors - all blokes. Whilst waiting for a meeting to start one of them asks me, out of the blue, 'do you have any kids?' which I suspect was a lazy attempt on his part at small talk. I don't (have kids) but it irks me that he asks me that question (complete with slight head tilt and simpering smile) and not my male colleagues.

Any suggestions of a deflective answer which does not completely insult the vendor (I have loads of these responses!) as it will happen again, I can guarantee it.

OP posts:
CatherinedeBourgh · 11/08/2023 19:18

Dh gets asked if he has any kids more often than I do...

Comedycook · 11/08/2023 19:18

"No....why?"

Tumbler2121 · 11/08/2023 19:18

Interesting question .. why do you ask! Applies to age and marital status too!

Duchessofspace · 11/08/2023 19:19

Do you? Before you answer fire it back?

snowlady4 · 11/08/2023 19:19

"No, I've been very careful not to let that happen! Do you?"
They will then inevitably start talking about their children and you can give polite "oh, lovely," comments here and there, then move on to a different topic!

TomatoSandwiches · 11/08/2023 19:20

Tell him you don't have room for livestock at your house.

Henddraig · 11/08/2023 19:20

“No. You?”

Turn it into very dull chit chat.

Henddraig · 11/08/2023 19:21

I think he’s assuming you’ll be the most open to chatting because you’re female, and that’s why he’s asking you.

Jellyx · 11/08/2023 19:22

Sounds like he was making a genuine attempt to have a conversation about a topic that is important to most people.

He's probably assumed you're not into football stats like many men are (and can be used in small talk with men) so he's went for a different topic that he understands (he's not going to ask about where you shop).

How about just answer no, appreciate his attempt at including you and ask him a question like does he have kids??

LoobiJee · 11/08/2023 19:23

How about “why do you ask?”

Or “I make it a rule to never talk about my personal life in work.”

Then, if challenged on that, ”It’s more professional that way. At least that what my first boss used to say. He was quite the stickler! But I only apply that rule to myself, not to colleagues. Tell me about your kids.”

Jellyx · 11/08/2023 19:24

I'm really surprised at all the bitter comments.

No need to be rude to the man. Perhaps he can just ignore you in the future and then you'll complain he's not including you!

Trees6 · 11/08/2023 19:25

Seems sexist. Unless he already knows the other men in the meeting, of course.

Context is all. Just coming out with that r

3rdtimemumma · 11/08/2023 19:26

Jellyx · 11/08/2023 19:22

Sounds like he was making a genuine attempt to have a conversation about a topic that is important to most people.

He's probably assumed you're not into football stats like many men are (and can be used in small talk with men) so he's went for a different topic that he understands (he's not going to ask about where you shop).

How about just answer no, appreciate his attempt at including you and ask him a question like does he have kids??

This.

Seriously, small talk is hard. It's that or weather. It's not a judgement, he's probably trying to make a connection. If he's git kids, it's probably high in his thinking to ask if someone else has. Just say, no, do you have any or any pets? It's no biggie.

tribpot · 11/08/2023 19:26

It can be a very loaded question when you work in a very male environment, or it can be a poor way of making conversation. He could lead with some info about his own family first, rather than just asking a blunt question of you. I would assume it was just poor convo rather than anything else, but I'd be somewhat guarded around him just in case.

Trees6 · 11/08/2023 19:27

…to the lone woman out of the blue is a bit off. I get it if you’d been discussing CenterParcs or Marvel or something.

Jellyx · 11/08/2023 19:27

A man has made an attempt at conversation , with a female, in a self described male environment. Perhaps he didn't know how to small talk with a female and he made an attempt - good for him?!

Maybe you should take the lead next time and make some small talk.

Jellyx · 11/08/2023 19:28

tribpot · 11/08/2023 19:26

It can be a very loaded question when you work in a very male environment, or it can be a poor way of making conversation. He could lead with some info about his own family first, rather than just asking a blunt question of you. I would assume it was just poor convo rather than anything else, but I'd be somewhat guarded around him just in case.

Why are kids a loaded question? By design, men actually have more kids than women Blush

Blahblahgingerbreadlady · 11/08/2023 19:29

It’s a really normal question op. Its like asking if someone has a dog, it’s a lifestyle question and trying to find things in common. It’s a bit sad people can’t even ask this without a defensive response needed.

Blinkingbonkers · 11/08/2023 19:31

Crikey - people are desperate to be insulted by everything and anything. Just say “No. Do you?”

3peassuit · 11/08/2023 19:35

It’s just small talk. He would just as likely ask a man the same question.

SirChenjins · 11/08/2023 19:36

It’s just chit chat fgs. The response is ‘no I don’t, do you?’ If he does you then make further chit chat by asking him some questions about them. It’s really not that hard and doesn’t warrant a smart arsed put down.

SquidwardsBigBIowhoIe · 11/08/2023 19:39

Jellyx · 11/08/2023 19:24

I'm really surprised at all the bitter comments.

No need to be rude to the man. Perhaps he can just ignore you in the future and then you'll complain he's not including you!

This.

A no, I don't, you? Is all that's needed fgs

Do we really have to walk on eggshells around everyone? It's a normal question, albeit some people don't like it but no I'll intent!

CaptainSeven · 11/08/2023 19:42

Deflective and not rude

"I'd rather talk about my favourite TV show (or any other alternative) - what's yours?"

Muststopeating · 11/08/2023 19:42

Fucking hell. Mumsnet is grumpy tonight... Between this and the huggers are the devil thread...

I have "grown up" in THE most male dominated industry there is and you are being a wet wipe to get upset about this. He's making conversation. Would you be affronted if a woman asked you the same thing?

Entirely different if asked in an interview, but otherwise, get over yourself and lighten up!

Original poster
fishymcfishface · 11/08/2023 19:45

For once the small talk topics were in good supply. We were all at an external site, the weather was hot, it is holiday season, etc. But it was the whole body language, head tilt, dippy smile etc which is what charity chuggers do when they want my bank details. Essentially a stranger (he has not really spoken to me before) wanting to know about my private life. Funnily enough rarely get asked by women.

But @Blahblahgingerbreadlady I think I will use inspiration from your contribution and just reply no, do you have a dog?

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread