Male contractor - smart answer to 'do you have any kids?'

[fishymcfishface]

So I work in a male environment, no issues there. We have recently started working with some contractors - all blokes. Whilst waiting for a meeting to start one of them asks me, out of the blue, 'do you have any kids?' which I suspect was a lazy attempt on his part at small talk. I don't (have kids) but it irks me that he asks me that question (complete with slight head tilt and simpering smile) and not my male colleagues.

Any suggestions of a deflective answer which does not completely insult the vendor (I have loads of these responses!) as it will happen again, I can guarantee it.

He's simply trying to make conversation. You'll need to find something else to be offended about.

Dear god how to folk have the energy to get worked up about people making conversation? It's completely batshit to make so much of this.

Yes @Muststopeating I agree I sound grumpy but as a female I do a lot of listening and after three days of sitting through never ending, willy waving utter bollocks the one question I get asked is 'do you have kids?'. I have a technical role which is male dominated (worked in it for quite some time) and sometimes you have to install boundaries and manage expectations early on.

Wow, I couldn’t care less if someone asked me whether I have kids and I can often be on a site with 200+ men and no other women.

I'd be somewhat taken aback if a random bloke at a mostly male gathering tried to strike up a conversation with me about rugby or Tesla cars, so he was probably only trying to make small-talk about something other than BlokeChat stuff.

"fuck no, I've got me hands full working with a load of fellas, it's like herding cats mate, you?"

This. Bet the OP would be the first to complain if no one at work talked to her. Talk about hard work.

I work on a supermarket checkout and get asked this on a daily basis, people are only making conversation. I’m sure my male colleagues don’t get asked this but who cares?

Nope i would be quite happy if they did not talk to me, I might actually get some work done. Unfortunately I have no choice and I will be made to listen. That is what I am there for.

There is loads of 'small talk' I can't participate in, I don't like football and don't drive which means I can't join in the 'omg the traffic around Leeds is terrible' conversations. I would probably jokingly say 'why do I look tired?' to break the ice.

It is a really sad state when a simple question like this offends people. People are getting sadder, angrier and more miserable every day!

"Not that i know of"

Stop doing so much listening and set out your stall on day one with input about the technical aspects of your role. That’s how you will manage their expectations.

That’s exactly what I say, it’s just small talk people make when they first meet you, I can’t find the energy to see any more into it than that.

I dony know how some people get through the day, where I work there ate more men than women and I actually asked the same question of a man I hadn't worked with before just this week

Nothing more than getting to know you conversation just as people asked me the same thing when I started.

He could’ve simply been trying to engage you in small talk and maybe make you feel a bit more included if you were perhaps, as I suspect, sat there in silence, stony faced, not engaging with anyone. If you can’t have a conversation with a man, whether on a personal or professional level, without becoming offended and feeling the need to need to come up with something other than what the actual answer is, then perhaps you’re working in the wrong industry.

I work with a 50/50 mixture of men and women, the majority of whom have children.

The men are all pretty hands-on with their children from what I can tell and are happy to discuss their families with each other, even when there aren't women participating in the conversations. It's not a big deal.

It's just small talk and nothing more sinister. The bloke is not trying to deny you suffrage.

I get asked that a lot by men and women (I'm male). It's just part of the normal rota of small talk. Weird that you consider whether you have kids private but suggest asking about holidays as fine.

I do t think it’s a gender thing at all , in fact hubby best asked that more often than me . Just be polite and say no

I have a technical role which is male dominated

You say this like it means you shouldn't need to speak to contractors, except about technical issues. Almost every job in the world requires you to be able to form relationships with colleagues.

If such utterly basic small talk leaves you this upset it's inhibiting your ability to do your job. Is there perhaps someone at work who could coach you in this aspect of the work?

I work in housing with a load of blokes. I've spoken to at least one of them about our kids today. I know all about their children and dogs. These are stereotypical manly men. They love their babies!!!

Why so sensitive?

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

I honestly don't understand the problem. He is just trying to be nice and have a brief chat. It's that or the weather or "do you live locally" and that can sound a bit creepy! Lighten up give a nice answer, and ask him something.

I think it's really sad that the guy is trying and they get shot down straight away.

What if he's got a newborn at home and he's desperate to talk about them? Trying to find a way to make it sound like natural conversation and not weirdly proclaiming how much of a proud new Dad he is?!

The same happened to me recently. Someone asked me how old my baby was just so he could tell me all about his new grandchild born that morning. He was beaming. Just wanted to tell the world.