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Original poster

Partner bullied at work?

34 replies

loveslove · 27/07/2023 02:08

My partner came home with a few tears today :( apparently a few guys have ganged up refusing to work with him and insulting him to their boss.

He is a very hard worker which no one can dispute. I know a worker left due to it last month but looks like it's directed onto him now.

How should he handle it? It's a small company so no HR. I think boss knows it's cutthroat in there. But I think they will let him go if it continues as the refusal to work with him effects business.

He has untreated ADHD at the moment so I don't think it helps in him being able to blend in 😭

I'm worried that even if he does go into a new job with the type of work he does it's all lads lads.. and I don't think it's particularly great for those with social difficulties 😭 I'm so sad for him because I know he is lonely and really does his best.

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DustyLee123 · 27/07/2023 07:48

If it’s serious enough to be potentially losing his job, I’d look at getting the ADHD medicated first, to see if that helps in any way.

Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 09:37

DustyLee123 · 27/07/2023 07:48

If it’s serious enough to be potentially losing his job, I’d look at getting the ADHD medicated first, to see if that helps in any way.

Well obviously we are sorting it, but he can't be out of work with how long waiting lists are.

And NO it's not fired solely because his ADHD. It's made him a target to what's already going on. It would be to keep others happy. And then next month someone else will probably be target and leave...

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Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 09:39

I just wonder if there is a way to manage it till he is treated. As I fear jumping into another job the same will happen. I feel we need to sort the root cause that makes him stand out before jumping ship to prevent history repeating itself.

I think the treatment will help not just in workplace but all aspects of his life

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MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/07/2023 09:41

Why are they refusing to work with him and what exactly have they said about him to their boss?

Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 09:50

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/07/2023 09:41

Why are they refusing to work with him and what exactly have they said about him to their boss?

Don't like him I gather. There were a few excuses but when addressed they weren't correct. They will say he's a hard worker and have compliments from clients on his work, but then boss will be told he can't do his job. So nothing that particularly adds up. And it changes day to day. Can be complaints about anything.

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Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 09:55

I hate to say it but he's not particularly likeable 😅 because he struggles with social interaction he overcompensates. If there was a lone worker job in existence he would excel tbf

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Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 09:56

It's not every job, his last one was neurodiverse friendly so his colleagues were accepting of him and got on really well.

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Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 09:57

It's just knocking his self esteem so I'm worried

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MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/07/2023 09:59

He really needs to get treatment for his adhd if at all possible. I have adhd so I do sympathise.

At the same time, it's hard to tell from what you've said whether some of the complaints from his colleagues might be valid.

Has he explained that he has adhd and that he is waiting to get his medication sorted?

Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 10:11

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/07/2023 09:59

He really needs to get treatment for his adhd if at all possible. I have adhd so I do sympathise.

At the same time, it's hard to tell from what you've said whether some of the complaints from his colleagues might be valid.

Has he explained that he has adhd and that he is waiting to get his medication sorted?

Well I feel it's a bit of both. I feel he may make a mistake but rather then it being corrected or treated normally it's being exaggerated and used to beat him with. So that's how I feel. Obvs it's he said she said, so feel it's something in the middle. I am aware of bullying there due to what happened to the chap last month. So it doesn't surprise me he is the next target. :( but he is quite vulnerable atm due to issues we are having in regards to fertility and loss. So I am concerned it will push him over the edge as he can't quite get a break in any aspect of life.

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FartSock5000 · 27/07/2023 11:35

@loveslove call ACAS. His ADHD may be a protected characteristic and if he is at risk of losing his job or his boss is failing to provide a safe working environment this could go to a tribunal.

Make sure that he has given his boss written confirmation of his ADHD and neurodiversity.

He can't stop getting sacked in a private industry setting but he can fight back and make sure he gets fair compensation for them not following the law.

Janieforever · 27/07/2023 11:38

I don’t understand about the waiting lists to be treated. Has he been diagnosed, why didn’t his gp prescribe meds?

Coffeetree · 27/07/2023 11:44

It's not really something you can help with from a distance.

If he has a diagnosed condition and needs specific accommodations at work, then he should be sorting that with his boss. It's not really okay for him to say vaguely that he has a condition that makes him socially difficult and they all have to tiptoe around him.

Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 11:47

Janieforever · 27/07/2023 11:38

I don’t understand about the waiting lists to be treated. Has he been diagnosed, why didn’t his gp prescribe meds?

He's not under anyone at the moment due to moving areas and the GP can't prescribe the meds he needs it has to be a certain doctor. He just needs the referral to get under the right service but it's just a long waiting list :( it's just trying to manage in the mean time.

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Coffeetree · 27/07/2023 11:48

FartSock5000 · 27/07/2023 11:35

@loveslove call ACAS. His ADHD may be a protected characteristic and if he is at risk of losing his job or his boss is failing to provide a safe working environment this could go to a tribunal.

Make sure that he has given his boss written confirmation of his ADHD and neurodiversity.

He can't stop getting sacked in a private industry setting but he can fight back and make sure he gets fair compensation for them not following the law.

I agree, it's not fair to expect his boss and colleagues to improvise and guess what he needs to succeed at work.

Coffeetree · 27/07/2023 11:49

loveslove · 27/07/2023 11:47

He's not under anyone at the moment due to moving areas and the GP can't prescribe the meds he needs it has to be a certain doctor. He just needs the referral to get under the right service but it's just a long waiting list :( it's just trying to manage in the mean time.

Show quote history

Okay but he has the diagnosis? Which he can bring to his boss and discuss occupational health? Does his work know about the diagnosis?

Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 11:49

Coffeetree · 27/07/2023 11:44

It's not really something you can help with from a distance.

If he has a diagnosed condition and needs specific accommodations at work, then he should be sorting that with his boss. It's not really okay for him to say vaguely that he has a condition that makes him socially difficult and they all have to tiptoe around him.

He doesn't need accommodations.. his work is fine. Like I said previously his clients always compliment it and ask for him to do their work. It's just colleagues not liking him. It's just his difference in socialisation makes him stand out to be targeted. I think if he wasn't different he would just blend in and it would be happening to someone else.

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Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 11:51

@Coffeetree but he does succeed in work.. he doesn't need accommodations at work. They just don't want to work with him.

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decaffonlypls · 27/07/2023 11:56

His options are-

Find another job and leave voluntarily

Speak to his boss, explain his condition and request support/mediation with other workers. Follow this and any other related conversations up with an email so there's a paper trail.

Put up with it, if he is sacked look at unfair dismissal

Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 11:58

decaffonlypls · 27/07/2023 11:56

His options are-

Find another job and leave voluntarily

Speak to his boss, explain his condition and request support/mediation with other workers. Follow this and any other related conversations up with an email so there's a paper trail.

Put up with it, if he is sacked look at unfair dismissal

Thank you 😊 I will suggest that

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Janieforever · 27/07/2023 11:59

Op is he actually diagnosed, is he not registered with a gp?

Coffeetree · 27/07/2023 11:59

So no he hasn't told anyone at work about his diagnosis? Why on earth not?

The accommodations could be that his boss and colleagues learn about his special needs, e.g., repeated instructions, increased breaks or alone time to process, social quirks, etc. Otherwise they'll just assume he is just awkward.

Coffeetree · 27/07/2023 12:01

And he'd certainly never succeed in a discrimination claim if he never told them about his condition!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 27/07/2023 12:07

loveslove · 27/07/2023 11:51

@Coffeetree but he does succeed in work.. he doesn't need accommodations at work. They just don't want to work with him.

But working effectively with other people is part of the work in many jobs. So he is not succeeding in that element of his work.

It isn't reasonable for him to say that he has unmedicated adhd so that's just how he is and his boss/colleagues need to suck it up. If he is difficult to work with, that is a performance issue.

He needs to work out what adjustments are needed in order to enable him to work with colleagues effectively. It is not a reasonable adjustment to expect colleagues to just put up with stuff. He needs to break down where things are going wrong and what could be put in place to help.

He has a right to reasonable adjustments but that doesn't mean that anything goes. He needs to be proactive in addressing the situation, and if his boss doesn't already know about the adhd, then he needs to make them aware of this. And he needs to pursue the medication option sooner rather than later.

Original poster
loveslove · 27/07/2023 12:16

Wow ok.. I guess I'm mental in thinking that bullying is never ok, and that generally victims don't just deserve and ask for it. The chap last month who left due to it must have asked for it too..

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