Partner bullied at work?

[loveslove]

My partner came home with a few tears today :( apparently a few guys have ganged up refusing to work with him and insulting him to their boss.

He is a very hard worker which no one can dispute. I know a worker left due to it last month but looks like it's directed onto him now.

How should he handle it? It's a small company so no HR. I think boss knows it's cutthroat in there. But I think they will let him go if it continues as the refusal to work with him effects business.

He has untreated ADHD at the moment so I don't think it helps in him being able to blend in 😭

I'm worried that even if he does go into a new job with the type of work he does it's all lads lads.. and I don't think it's particularly great for those with social difficulties 😭 I'm so sad for him because I know he is lonely and really does his best.

Well you've made a point of describing him as "unlikeable" due to his disability, which he's keeping a secret from them.

Not sure what you're looking for here?

It’s really hard to advise without knowing your husband. Do you think it’s possible that it’s the social interaction that is the problem? Could he give up trying to interact with them? Just be the quiet, taciturn guy who smiles at the banter but just puts his head down and gets on with his work.

I don't know I'm freaking out. I was only trying to see both sides and not just be overly biased and voice the possibility on why he is the new target.

I just was wondering how to remedy the situation and deal with bullying until we can sort everything out 😭

I still don't agree with bullies and feel they should deal with aggression more appropriately rather than trying to target the weakest link to feel better. I guess I just getting snappy as I felt you were indicating to protect bullies and let them target someone else next time.

It's hard for anyone to know whether they're horrible or whether he's being impossible or a little of both. There are loads of resources online about accommodations and occupational health for people with his diagnosis, but he needs to take that initiative.

So he is unlikeable. You say due to adhd. But you aren’t at his work. So you only have him telling your what clients say. The comments about him being a hard worker you hear from him?

It’s possible that the people he works may have made allowances for his ‘unlikeable’ traits had they have known he had adhd. Of course that may not be the reason they don’t like him. But he hasn’t made them known anyway?

If they don’t know. They aren’t discriminating. They also can’t be forced to like him regardless. But they can make them work together, if they need it.

I mean this gently but if you think he’s unlikeable as you say , I’m not sure why you’re holding his colleagues to higher standards than you yourself have.

And as a pp said how do you know he’s a hard worker, other than he’s told you? And comments of good job bad job will I guess depend on how he’s performing on specific jobs.

im also not sure he’s actually formally diagnosed, is he? They cannot discriminate against something they don’t know about and certainly not something undiagnosed.

But is there actually evidence of bullying? All you've really said is that they don't want to work with him and that they have reported stuff to their boss. We don't really know if their complaints are valid or not... and in fairness, you probably don't know for sure either.

Bullying is never acceptable in any circumstances but talking to their boss about the difficulties that they are experiencing in working with him is not bullying. What else are they actually doing that makes you feel that bullying is a factor?

Like I say, I have adhd myself so I am not unsympathetic to the challenges at all, but it can't just be used as a reason to ask others to put up with unacceptable behaviour. If he needs support or adjustments, he should absolutely ask for them, but he also needs to accept that the ability to get along with colleagues is an essential part of some jobs. If there are things that he is doing that are making others reluctant to work with him, he needs to understand what those things are and consider how to address them.

Obviously, if there is real evidence of actual bullying, then that needs to be addressed by his line manager. He should consider putting in a grievance if that is the case, but he would need to supply a lot more evidence than "they are complaining about me to my boss".

Also, you have made several references to the guy who left due to bullying and about your dh being the next target. What do you really know about that though? Is that just your dh's perception? Did the guy put in a grievance that was investigated and upheld?