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Original poster

Feel so guilty about resigning after 6 months

60 replies

sunsethorizon · 20/07/2023 12:17

I started a new job at the beginning of the year and have been really struggling with it. My line manager left just after I joined and wasn’t replaced so now I report in to someone very senior who is nice but doesn’t have time or capacity to support me.

The job involves travel which was never made clear - overnight stays on average once a month, which is hard to manage as I have young kids.

I’m meant to be part time (agreed by the previous line manager) but this doesn’t work at all as no changes were made to the role so my workload is the same as my predecessor who was full time. But even if I were full time the workload would be unmanageable in my view, I often need to work in the evenings.

People are generally ok but there are exceptions, someone very senior made me cry recently as they were so rude to me (thankfully nobody saw!!) This hasn’t happened to me in years so I felt really pathetic!

So anyway. I decided I may as well start looking at jobs and I’ve just been offered one. It’s a part time role 20 minutes from my house. Team seems lovely and supportive. No travel. Lower pay but better annual leave. I think I want to take it but I am feeling SO guilty.

How can I resign after 6 months? I know they will be absolutely furious and I will be leaving them in the lurch as the workload is frankly insane and they will struggle to manage it without me. I also have two direct reports who I really like and I feel guilty for leaving them behind. Its a mid senior role so it will be noticed and people will comment about the fact I’ll be leaving after not even a year.

What should I do, should I stick it out longer? I feel awful.

OP posts:
MucozadeOnLucozade · 20/07/2023 20:34

Many years ago I was in a job not amazingly loving it, but felt I had to be loyal for the team leader, he was the one who interviewed and gave me the position. Then an opportunity came up for me to move to a different role elsewhere, it sounded perfect, more money and just what I would love! I was told by regional manager to write a statement and they would literally move me over three days later to start. I froze and felt I just couldn't up and leave so threw away the opportunity. I was absolutely gobsmacked when about two months later the team leader who I had stayed to be loyal to just suddenly disappeared and deserted the team, he'd been offered a position elsewhere and just went! I was absolutely shocked. But it taught me one thing, always take care of yourself!

missfliss · 20/07/2023 21:00

@sunsethorizon feel was missold a job and now feel in a very vulnerable position.
I'm feeling very anxious now and need to calm down a bit before deciding what to do

Original poster
sunsethorizon · 20/07/2023 21:53

missfliss · 20/07/2023 21:00

@sunsethorizon feel was missold a job and now feel in a very vulnerable position.
I'm feeling very anxious now and need to calm down a bit before deciding what to do

I’m really sorry 😞 Hope that things get better.

OP posts:
BeverlyBrook · 21/07/2023 05:59

Put yourself first. Your present company does not give a damn about you.
Do what's right for you and your family.

brookby · 21/07/2023 07:02

I know they will be absolutely furious and I will be leaving them in the lurch as the workload is frankly insane and they will struggle to manage it without me.

Sounds like a them problem to me, bad employers can't retain good staff, that's what the issue is here, not you.

I mean this in the nicest possible way OP, you should do some work on boundaries, you have nothing to feel bad about (though I used to be like you so I 100% get it). I highly recommend Melissa Urban.

stayathomer · 21/07/2023 07:06

Op it sounds like the new job fits better. If there’s a lot of travel and your line manager wasn’t replaced no doubt they’re used to people leaving. Yes it’ll be tough on the rest but it’s life. 6 months isn’t great or horrific either! Definitely go x

Gunpowder · 21/07/2023 07:14

OP you shouldn’t feel guilty! They should be feeling guilty that they misrepresented the job to you as one that was part time and didn’t require travel when it’s not that at all.

MuggleMe · 21/07/2023 07:32

Jeez they've treated you appallingly and you're the one that feels guilty about leaving. They've really done a number on you. You're leaving because of how much they've mis-sold the job, not because you're flaky.

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 21/07/2023 12:03

I'm toying with similar dilemma- been in job 9 months and know it's not for me and actively looking for something else while feeling guilty about it. I'm well paid which will be hard to match but the environment and culture is not for me. I keep trying to persuade myself it's ok because the money and flexibility is good but i know i can't do what is needed because of the lack of support and buy in from exec team. Just when i think suck it up and keep head down something happens which just makes me feel terrible and i can feel my self esteem at work slipping

so as you have the chance to leave i just would - i'm hoping g very much to get some offers as well and whilst i know the actual resigning part will be cringe i can't wait to have the option to leave!

Original poster
sunsethorizon · 21/07/2023 13:56

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 21/07/2023 12:03

I'm toying with similar dilemma- been in job 9 months and know it's not for me and actively looking for something else while feeling guilty about it. I'm well paid which will be hard to match but the environment and culture is not for me. I keep trying to persuade myself it's ok because the money and flexibility is good but i know i can't do what is needed because of the lack of support and buy in from exec team. Just when i think suck it up and keep head down something happens which just makes me feel terrible and i can feel my self esteem at work slipping

so as you have the chance to leave i just would - i'm hoping g very much to get some offers as well and whilst i know the actual resigning part will be cringe i can't wait to have the option to leave!

It’s hard isn’t it. The money is pretty good in my current job too although to be honest I’m frittering it away as I’ve been so miserable!

Good luck whatever you decide. How do you think would react if you resigned?

OP posts:
sleeplessinsouthhampton · 21/07/2023 14:43

@sunsethorizon to be honest no clue as i just can't read them that well. Either be ok and release me asap or could be annoyed and show it - they're not always the most professional either

i'm just frustrated - they do need my role to make certain things which haven't been working work better and they seem to know this - but, the big problem is no one is supporting the project so i have no direction or support - i do have ideas proposals i submit but barely get a response so like wading through treacle

also not had one supervision in entire time, no induction and no introduction to anything - all the connections have been made off my own back

Original poster
sunsethorizon · 21/07/2023 15:58

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 21/07/2023 14:43

@sunsethorizon to be honest no clue as i just can't read them that well. Either be ok and release me asap or could be annoyed and show it - they're not always the most professional either

i'm just frustrated - they do need my role to make certain things which haven't been working work better and they seem to know this - but, the big problem is no one is supporting the project so i have no direction or support - i do have ideas proposals i submit but barely get a response so like wading through treacle

also not had one supervision in entire time, no induction and no introduction to anything - all the connections have been made off my own back

I’m the same! I feel like my direct manager might be ok but others could be pissed off and show it.

OP posts:
sleeplessinsouthhampton · 21/07/2023 16:02

when are you planning on doing it @sunsethorizon

Original poster
sunsethorizon · 21/07/2023 16:11

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 21/07/2023 16:02

when are you planning on doing it @sunsethorizon

It would need to be week after next as both my line manager and me are on leave next week!

I messaged him today to see if he’d be available to speak and he ignored me 😂 Kind of sums up my whole experience working there tbh.

OP posts:
sleeplessinsouthhampton · 21/07/2023 16:13

@sunsethorizon - aren't you tempted to send email now and then feck off for week to discuss when u back?

YukoandHiro · 21/07/2023 16:16

You leave and tell them everything you've told us - no support, misled about the expectations of the role, unable to balance the level of travel expected with family commitments and this wasn't made clear at the point of offer.

flowertoday · 21/07/2023 16:28

You do whatever is best for you. It doesn't sound as thought your present employer values you enough to be honest and supportive.

I am a massive people pleaser in all areas of life, or have been. But that is fading out now with age and I am firmly of the view that putting yourself first is the right thing in most situations.

Ariela · 21/07/2023 18:51

Go back to the new job and ask if they can match what you're currently paid.
Then accept it. It's fine to leave a job that's not suitable.

Original poster
sunsethorizon · 21/07/2023 19:26

I am such a people pleaser that I now feel guilty at both possibilities of a) disappointing the new job if I turn them down b) leaving my current role 🤦‍♀️

Something to work on in the longer term I think!!

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 21/07/2023 19:26

Honestly people do this all the time

You need to prioritise yourself and your family

dahliadaze · 21/07/2023 19:31

My DH resigned from a job he’d been at for just under six months. The recruitment agent was furious as had DH stayed for just a little longer he would have got an extra recruitment fee.
DH was bored, moving made him much happier and he’s been with that company for over 15 years now.
Do what’s right for you.

BeverlyBrook · 22/07/2023 06:19

New job. Go!

Coffeetree · 22/07/2023 06:25

sunsethorizon · 21/07/2023 16:11

It would need to be week after next as both my line manager and me are on leave next week!

I messaged him today to see if he’d be available to speak and he ignored me 😂 Kind of sums up my whole experience working there tbh.

Show quote history

I was going to say it is worth having a frank talk with manager about some of your concerns: say the overnight stays aren't working for you and the workload is unmanageable.

But then I saw that you've messaged asking to speak and you've been ignored? Nice.

I would maybe try one more time on Monday and if you're still ignored just take the new job.

Coffeetree · 22/07/2023 06:27

Sorry, of course your boss is on leave next week--on Monday try to talk with some other boss. I do kinda think you owe them that, before you jump.

GodessOfThunder · 22/07/2023 06:38

Leave immediately with no qualms.

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