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Original poster

I have EUPD so please be gentle if you can….

28 replies

CutiePatooties · 26/05/2023 12:38

How would you perceive this?

Monday in staff briefing, Head tells everyone there’s drinks happening on Friday after school.

Yesterday she sends email out and mentions the drinks again and says it’s at a local pub (but she doesn’t know the name).

Then I get a WhatsApp from her asking for my first aid certificate and she says ‘have a super week and I’ll see you after the break!’

I’m taking this to mean that there are drinks happening tonight, she’s ensuring everyone has been invited and is then telling me 1:1 in private that she won’t see me until after our week off. Meaning she won’t be seeing me tonight, therefore hinting that I shouldn’t go/or I’m not welcome.

is this my EUPD taking over or would others without my condition read it the way I have?

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 26/05/2023 12:41

I'd imagine it was just an autopilot response to someone in work mode and wouldn't read any more into it.

MumInBrussels · 26/05/2023 12:42

Is she definitely going to the drinks herself? I would definitely not assume you're being uninvited. She might have just slipped into autopilot for Friday afternoon and forgotten the drinks, even if she is going.

Lilacly · 26/05/2023 12:42

I would 100 per cent not read it that way. I would assume she forgot about the drinks when she was typing the message - that happens all the time and is much more likely than someone trying to send a coded message that someone else should not take up an apparently open invitation.

Maddy70 · 26/05/2023 12:42

No you are overthinking ...

You are invited to the drinks that message was to say see you after the break (with the certificate!)

Winter2020 · 26/05/2023 12:45

I don't know what EUPD is but the head is very busy today and probably forgot the drinks at that moment or doesn't know if you are going.

The Head forgot about the drinks at that moment - she's in work mode. Don't give it another thought.

AndTheSurveySays · 26/05/2023 12:46

I'd imagine it was just an autopilot response to someone in work mode and wouldn't read any more into it

This ^

EverythingsCominUpMilhouse · 26/05/2023 12:47

Try not to overthink this, I can understand why you are though, but I wouldn't take this to mean you aren't invited.

She is likely busy and on autopilot, maybe she isn't going to be at the drinks for long (or at all) and isn't wanting to presume everyone will be going.

Definitely still go to the drinks if you want to! Don't let this worry you so much that you miss you.

Silkierabbit · 26/05/2023 12:47

Not sure could read that either way, could be she's not the organiser of the drinks and has forgotten where they are and just saying see you after break as standard work line. So fine for drinks.

Or I could read it like I am not being told where they are as they don't want me. See if anyone says where drinks are and who organised. I find it a bit odd she claims to be going but not know where.

Or she could not be going so hasn't paid much attention to where.

PaperNests · 26/05/2023 12:47

No you're overthinking. I had similar on Thursday, one colleague was on leave for Friday and so was say goodbye have a good weekend to everyone, then she said 'I'll see you after your weeks leave' to me as I'm off next week. Everyone else then chimed in to wish me a good week off, but I'm still in on Friday so they'll see me then before I go on leave. It's just a sort of polite work autopilot chat everyone gets in to. If anything she was being nice by personally wishing you a good week.

Chattycathydoll · 26/05/2023 12:48

I’ve sent similar then followed it with a ‘face palm- Sorry forgot I’ll see you tonight!’
and the other way round- ‘see you Monday!’ Followed by ‘no I won’t, it’s a bank holiday’

people forget things that are out of their usual routine, no need to think more about it :)

CovetedAsFuck · 26/05/2023 12:52

I would 100 percent not worry about this if it were me. She’s just not assuming you’re coming along later.

As a general rule, just because drinks are happening doesn’t mean everyone will go. People have other stuff on, or they might just hate work drinks.

CovetedAsFuck · 26/05/2023 12:59

Just realised I totally borrowed a PP’s phrasing there without really meaning to, because I liked how emphatic it sounded Grin 💯

Further proof that people often type in haste!

Emelene · 26/05/2023 13:00

I agree with others, I think she was sending you a work message about things to be done in work time. Social drinks are separate and the message doesn’t read to me as you being uninvited to the drinks. Go and have a lovely time. 😀

Original poster
CutiePatooties · 26/05/2023 13:06

Thank you everyone - you’ve made me feel so much better 💐

OP posts:
shmiz · 26/05/2023 13:08

Totally see where you are coming from - I’d be a bit eh ???
but I really don’t think its an issue and I would deffo go for the drinks !!

Pteryl · 26/05/2023 13:22

Unless you have explicitly confirmed you are going, then how would she know if she was going to see you that evening? I think it’s an automatic response to a bank holiday weekend.

Chewbecca · 26/05/2023 13:25

I don't know what EUPD is but would read nothing about the drinks into this. Enjoy them!

NotAHouse · 26/05/2023 13:26

EUPD is Borderline personality disorder.

Original poster
CutiePatooties · 26/05/2023 13:57

Oh yeah, sorry, EUPD is borderline personality disorder and some of the symptoms I suffer with are:

Fear of abandonment- constantly think I’ll end up alone or rejected.

unclear/shifting self-image- I’ve no idea what I want out of life, who I am, what I’m good at and I go from liking myself to hating myself constantly.

Chronic feeling of emptiness- just feel like I’m nothing, a nobody and don’t really hold any value in this world.

Paranoia/suspicious thoughts- I question other peoples motives. I feel like people want to see me fail and are set on hating me or trying to plot against me etc.

I have other symptoms like splitting, black and white thinking, unstable relationships, self harm/suicide ideation, impulsivity and mood swings but the four I’ve gone into a bit of detail with make what could be a harmless message seem like this massive deal, where I end up feeling like everyone hates me, they want to exclude me because I add no value to the group and that they’re all wishing I’d rather not go, so she’s sent me a massive hint that I shouldn’t.

OP posts:
swanling · 26/05/2023 14:05

Nope just autopilot.

Plenty of people without EUPD might have worried they were missing subtext in that scenario too. Social situations can be difficult.

Don't give yourself a hard time, go and enjoy the drinks.

fantasmasgoria1 · 26/05/2023 14:27

I have eupd and if I was in your shoes my head would have been going around and around with this. I would imagine she was just really busy or just tired and not thinking properly. Why would you have been informed about the drinks in the first place if you were not wanted there?

Original poster
CutiePatooties · 26/05/2023 15:09

@fantasmasgoria1 I think the times where I’ve been informed is where everyone has been made aware, so she could hardly delete me from the email list or wait for me to leave the briefing to announce it, as that would be obvious and easily evidenced which could lead to things like constructive dismissal, for example.
however, by including me in whole group announcements then hinting privately to me via WhatsApp, she’s getting the message across with no chance of any repercussions- as if I mentioned that I felt she was hinting she didn’t want me there, she could come up with a number of reasons of how I’ve read into it too much/overthought the situation.
I was feeling better, until I asked my year partner if she’s going tonight and she’s not replied. Been messaging me non-stop for days. I do feel like I’m not wanted there and will definitely sit this one out.
Not to mention the fact I was told I don’t have to do any planning for next term as it’s all been done and now it’s suddenly been dropped on me that I have to plan next term’s history and English. I only have this week to fit it all in and I’m off with a 6 year old and 1 year old on my own with them, trying to plan it all and my year partner has told me not to message her all week as she’s going away!
So I’m now in high-stress mode which always makes the paranoia 100x worse!

OP posts:
swanling · 26/05/2023 15:20

I do feel like I’m not wanted there and will definitely sit this one out.

You're using your emotions to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your choice, but unnecessary.

Howmanysleepsnow · 26/05/2023 15:28

Just go for the drinks! I doubt anyone has been individually invited, these things are generally just suggested and opened out to the whole group.
The WhatsApp was in no way a hint- you haven’t spoken to her one on one about the drinks, so she doesn’t know you’re going. She does know you have a week off though, and was just wishing you a nice week- it’s not an either/ or situation.
Try not to conflate the work planning with the drinks, they are 2 separate things.

AndTheSurveySays · 26/05/2023 15:41

No reason for you not to go. If you choose not to go then make sure you realise that it is your choice, the other people have given no indication that they don't want you there.

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